Can someone please revise my essay? It's due at the end of August. I have posted this essay a few days ago and it was shut down by a moderator because he took this the wrong way. I'm not asking anyone to do my homework for me, I just want to know if there's anything I can do better. I'm not looking for anyone to correct it either. I just want to know how this could be better.
(Not part of essay...
Activity 4 - "Pinpoint a line or two from the letter that captures the theme/message in this letter. What is the theme/message that the author is trying to get across? How does this passage reveal this theme/message?
Activity 3 - What role does the author's voice play in relaying his/her message? What characteristics does this letter hold that pulls you in as a reader? Explain whether or not this author is successful in relaying his/her message.
Activity 5 - Using evidence (details/quote support) from letters in Dear Teen Me formulate a response about what it means to be a teenager.)
the Essay I wrote is below.
Dear Teen Me Essay
>“Asking John O’Bleary to the Sadie Hawkins dance was about so much more than getting rejected by the boy of your dreams; it was about setting the pace for the rest of your life.” The message that E. Kristin Anderson is trying to get across is that when you want something, you must take it. Kristin Anderson wanted to talk to John O’Bleary for the longest time and although she was shot down, she wanted something, and she took it. She did exactly what she says everyone should do and it is a hard lesson to learn on our own. She is trying to make sure that all teens see life this way and that things aren’t just handed to them. You’re going to have to do things for yourself in the future, so why not start now?
>This passage reveals the message because the author says that it is about to set the pace for the rest of her life. She means that lessons are hard to learn, but once you learn them and you realize how to fix your mistakes, your life will be so much easier. Because of the incident that happened to Kristin Anderson, she is a better person. She followed her own advice and now it seems she doesn’t have to want, and everyone should be that way and learn from her mistake. If you want something, take it, but if you can’t, work towards it.
>Sean Beaudoin's voice in his letter shows that he feels things are much different now. He says he remembers when he used to collect old cameras and play around with them, and now he's finding only a few of the many pictures he had taken. But his voice also shows that he misses how he used to be. He used to look at everything as if it were art or had the potential to be. Now he creates a different kind of art, but still mentions how he regrets how he used to be and would love to be his old teen self.
>What's intriguing about Sean's voice in this letter is that he has that calm, yet comedic tone to him, as if he were the same person he was in high school. Essentially, he is the same person he was in high school, still loving art, and collecting, and creating it. Sean is very successful in relaying his message in the letter if his message is make the most of your teen years. He clearly misses them and wishes that he could go back, and that he wants other people to make the most out of their teen years and enjoy them while you can, because they go by
>What does it mean to be a teenager? It means that you have time to plan out your life ahead. You're entire life is ahead of you and anything and everything you do in this period of time will affect how your future will turn out. As Kristin Anderson said, “Asking John O’Bleary to the Sadie Hawkins dance was about so much more than getting rejected by the boy of your dreams; it was about setting the pace for the rest of your life.” Not only is one little thing that you do as a teenager going to set the pace of your life, but all 4-5 years will, especially in school.
>Being a teenager means you also have the time to enjoy the final years of your childhood. Sean Beaudoin quotes "Dear teen me, I miss you dearly." Of course he misses his teenage years dearly, they're the best years of your life! I take it that Sean could have done more with his teenage years, and that's what he is trying to get others to do. Your teenage years are years to cherish and to never forget. That's what it means to be a teenager.
Unfortunately (for you, that is), we do not help students with their assignments. Your teacher wants to know what you can do, not what we can do. If, once your teacher returns it to you, you have doubts about the corrections they made, you can post your questions here. Then, and only then, we will be happy to help if we can.
PS: You already tried to post the same three days ago, and obtained the same answer. What makes you think rules have changed since then?
Last edited by charliedeut; 02-Aug-2013 at 14:59. Reason: added PS
Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.