[Grammar] Final sentences of a cover letter

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Peachi

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Aug 8, 2013
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Student or Learner
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German
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Germany
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Germany
Dear Teachers &/or Native speakers,

I am not sure about grammar and word order. Please could anybody have a look at these two paragraphs, especially the last one. Many thanks in advance.


As I am Multilingual assistant by profession I would love the opportunity to work in a British company where I can contribute my customer service skills and knowledge about the German market.
Because of different jobs in the service sector and in the office, I offer you a structured assistant with excellent communication skills keeping the overview in turbulent times and also represent your company international in an adequate way.
 

emsr2d2

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Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Dear Teachers &/or Native speakers,

I am not sure about grammar and word order. Please could anybody have a look at these two paragraphs, especially the last one. Many thanks in advance.


As I am Multilingual assistant by profession I would love the opportunity to work in a British company where I can contribute my customer service skills and knowledge about the German market.
Because of different jobs in the service sector and in the office, I offer you a structured assistant with excellent communication skills keeping the overview in turbulent times and also represent your company international in an adequate way.

The first thing I suggest you change is the word "adequate". It means "barely acceptable", "just about OK". I wouldn't want to employ someone adequate, I want to employ someone amazing, incredible, brilliant, spectacular. I am not suggesting you use any of those words but please don't use "adequate".
 

MikeNewYork

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Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Member Type
Academic
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American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Dear Teachers &/or Native speakers,

I am not sure about grammar and word order. Please could anybody have a look at these two paragraphs, especially the last one. Many thanks in advance.


As I am Multilingual assistant by profession, I would love the opportunity to work in a British company where I can contribute my customer service skills and knowledge about the German market.
Because of my having had different jobs in the service sector and in the office, I offer you a structured assistant with excellent communication skills, keeping the overview in turbulent times and also representing your company internationally in a positive way.

I agree with emsr about "adequate". I have made a few corrections above.
 

billmcd

Key Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Dear Teachers &/or Native speakers,

I am not sure about grammar and word order. Please could anybody have a look at these two paragraphs, especially the last one. Many thanks in advance.


[STRIKE]As [/STRIKE] I am a Multilingual assistant by profession and I [STRIKE] would love [/STRIKE] am eager for the opportunity to work in a British company where I can contribute my customer service skills and knowledge about the German market.
Because [STRIKE] of different [/STRIKE] I have performed a variety of jobs in the service sector and in the office, I am confident that I can offer you a [STRIKE] structured [/STRIKE] skilled assistant with excellent communication skills, [STRIKE] keeping the overview [/STRIKE] while maintaining the objectives of the enterprise especiallyin [STRIKE] turbulent [/STRIKE] times of instability in the global economy and [STRIKE] also [/STRIKE] consistently representing your company internationally in [STRIKE] an adequate [/STRIKE] a professional [STRIKE] way[/STRIKE] manner. [/QUOTE] Suggestions.
 
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