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  1. #1
    arsha_0o is offline Newbie
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    Default INDEPENDENT essay : work only three days a week

    please revise my essay

    It is more enjoyable to have a job and you work only three days a week and long hours rather than work five days a week with a shorter hours.


    Nowadays, the working hours are one of the controversial issues among employers and employees. No one can ever deny the significance of this discussion. In general these heated debates can be divided into two lines of thought in the contemporary world. While some people prefer to work three days a week in long hours, the other individuals hold the opposite view due to their personal traits or educational background. However, when it comes to me, I believe that it is more beneficial for people to work shorter in five days a week without a shadow of a doubt. There are a lot of cogent reasons to support this belief, but the two most common important of them are effectiveness and healthiness of employees.

    In the first place, the efficiency parameter is the most important factor for every employer. Individuals should work effectively to be away from the risk of being fired. In fact, people need to sleep as much as they work to be efficient. So, in modern societies people usually work and sleep eight hours a day equally. This hypothesis is also in accord with an earlier research. Scientific studies in 2012 published on a healthcare journal demonstrate that as working hours a day increase, the brain's efficiency decreases to a large extent. Thus, in order to work in an effective way people indisputably should work shorter hours.

    In addition to the reason mentioned above, healthiness is the important thing that every people have in their life. People should always take care of themselves to work properly. Long hour working may cause serious mental and physical problems. This fact could be illuminated by a prime example from my own experience. I was joint the Electric Vehicle group at university. We should work hard to complete the construction of this car. So, we worked hard in days and nights. After the third day, several students became exhausted and sick. At the end, we not only did not reach the competition, but also became physically ill. In fact, we found that in order to work better we should rest enough and relax our body as much as it needs. Therefore, if an individual works in long hours, he or she would definitely become unhealthy.

    To sum up briefly, we may come to the conclusion that, it is better undoubtedly to work five days a week in shorter time instead of three days a week in longer time. The importance of health coupled with effectiveness of work; convince me of this point of view.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: INDEPENDENT essay : work only three days a week

    Is this homework? I'm having trouble interpreting "INDEPENDENT essay". It almost implies you're supposed to do it independently.

  3. #3
    arsha_0o is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: INDEPENDENT essay : work only three days a week

    It is an essay in the writing section of the TOEFL test. I am practicing for the real exam.

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: INDEPENDENT essay : work only three days a week

    Quote Originally Posted by arsha_0o View Post
    please revise my essay

    It is more enjoyable to have a job and you work only three days a week and long hours rather than work five days a week with a shorter hours.


    Nowadays, the working hours are one of the controversial issues among employers and employees. No one can ever deny the significance of this discussion. In general these heated debates can be divided into two lines of thought in the contemporary world. While some people prefer to work three days a week in long hours, the other individuals hold the opposite view due to their personal traits or educational background. However, when it comes to me, I believe that it is more beneficial for people to work shorter in five days a week - without a shadow of a doubt. There are a lot of cogent reasons to support this belief, but the two most common important [choose one or the other] of them are effectiveness and healthiness of employees.

    In the first place, the efficiency parameter is the most important factor for every employer. Individuals should work effectively to be away from avoid the risk of being fired. In fact, people need to sleep as much as they work to be efficient. So, in modern societies people usually work and sleep eight hours a day equally. This hypothesis is also in accord with an earlier research. Scientific studies in 2012 published on in a healthcare journal demonstrated that as working hours a day increase, the brain's efficiency decreases to a large extent. Thus, in order to work in an effective way people indisputably should work shorter hours.

    In addition to the reason mentioned above, healthiness is the important thing that every people have person needs in their life. People should always take care of themselves to work properly. Long hours working may cause serious mental and physical problems. This fact could be illuminated by a prime example from my own experience. I was joint [?] the Electric Vehicle group at university. We should had to work hard to complete the construction of this car. So, we worked hard for days and nights. After the third day, several students became exhausted and sick. At the end, we not only did not reach the competition, but also became physically ill. In fact, we found that in order to work better we should rest enough and relax our body as much as it needs. Therefore, if an individual works in long hours, he or she would definitely become unhealthy.

    To sum up briefly, we may come to the conclusion that, it is better undoubtedly to work five days a week in shorter time instead of three days a week in longer time. The importance of health coupled with effectiveness of work; convince me of this point of view.
    R

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