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  1. #1
    LittleOptimistic is offline Newbie
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    Post Writing a description about a beach-Can somebody please check it?

    Can someone please check this short description. I'm preparing for IGCSE English.

    The soft sand glistened as it joyfully reflected the sun's ray. the subtle sea sparkled as it casually strolled up against the shore, leaving the rocks and sea-shells glinting. Crystal-clear water stretched far into the horizon getting darker and deeper, however maintaining serenity effortlessly. As I breathed in fresh air, the smell of salty sea tingled my nose. The cold and refreshing breeze gently eased up against my skin and glided through my hair. the rustling of the swaying palm tree leaves, birds twittering as they soared high above and the delicate splashes of the sea were amazingly soothing. The waves singing me a dulcet lullaby made me reminisce my childhood and drew me closer to them.

    Thank you :)
    Last edited by LittleOptimistic; 31-Aug-2013 at 12:06.

  2. #2
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    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Writing a description about a beach-Can somebody please check it?

    Not every noun needs an adjective. Not every verb needs an adverb. You have far too many of both. Sand doesn't do anything joyfully, for example. Remember that capital letters are important.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Writing a description about a beach-Can somebody please check it?

    I agree with BarbD. It's far too flowery. It sounds as if you have recently learnt a huge number of new adjectives and adverbs and have tried to cram them all in to one piece.

    As Barb said, waves don't do anything joyfully. I wouldn't say that a breeze "glides" through the hair. A "dulcet lullaby" is tautologous. What else would a lullaby be? You don't "reminisce your childhood". You either "remember your childhood" or "reminisce about your childhood".
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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