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  1. #1
    DaManakin is offline Newbie
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    Post Help on an essay

    Hello let me introduce myself since this is my first post, im Austin im in 10th grade, and well i have a predicament, i have a summer essay due tomorrow, and i have never done MLA formatting before, and i was wondering if my essay is not only in compliance with MLA but if its decent as-well, and if i should revise any parts :D thanks in advance for any feedback


    English 2 Honors
    How Technology Has impacted Society
    Through technology, the world has advanced soo much, from having swords, to high powered rifles, whats next? Laser guns? Who knows? Anything is possible. That is just one way technology has influenced society, we have computers and vehicles now as well.

    In, Keeping A Notebook, Didion, the Author expressed that everyone should have a notebook. Well now we have handheld computers, like our smartphones. We have Everything we need in one device. You can write down anything at anytime, you can also search anything you could EVER want to know. The entire compilation of human knowledge in the palm of your hand, and all we really do with them is look at silly cat pictures and text " LOL OMG IKR, BBY ILY GTG TTYL"
    when we could be a genious, just imaginge if Sir Issac Newton had this base of knowledge. He could have made sooo many more discoverys.

    I recently read a book called The Bone Season, by Shannon,Samantha. In the book, there was futuristic computer technology that helped identify "Unnaturals" or people that had an extra sensory perception. The main character could leave her body for a short amount of time and visit anothers mind or "dreamscape" and see memories and how they imagined themselfs, and the main antagonist was a company that took presidence in Europe. But how this is relevant to the subject is that if we continue on our technologic crusade we will eventual get to a point were something like this could be possible, Although the likely hood of some one having ESP is verry low we could detect cancer or if the persons eyes are bad or even if they will have chronic headaches before anyof it could happen, when there just born. 2


    There is a Television show called Future Weapons that i am quite fond of, it frequently shows how we got to were we are in weapon technology, from bows and arrows, all the way to massive tanks made of steel and iron. Tells the Story of gunpowder, how the chineese invented it as a celebratory item, to make fireworks, but an emporer saw its potential as a weapon and used it against his enemies. Rendering him, a powerful opponent.

    Now, for vehicles, when we started way back in B.C., we walked were ever we had to go. Then we decided, "hey, that horse would be cool to sit on, wait its moving hey guys check this out!" and then we were thinking, this horse hurts my butt, maybe we can make something that isnt so bumpy, like something the horse pulls. Then we had the wagon. After a few geniouses made the steam engine we had trains, stretching from one corner of the U.S. To the other. But someone decided "well im antisocial i want to get one place to another and not have to talk to anyone, so lets make something like a personal train." and then they created the combuston engine witch lead to first being put in tractors by Harrison Ford, the creator of the company Ford, and then someone had the idea, lets make a tractor for personal use. Wich led to the automobile.


    Technology has influenced our society, and will continue to do so for many many years. More than likely it will always influence society. Between the weapons, dangerous as ever. The computers, underly used. And vehicles, greatly appreciated. Technology changes every day, something probably just changed now, and we didnt even know it.
    Last edited by Barb_D; 02-Sep-2013 at 04:06. Reason: Removed personal information

  2. #2
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is online now Moderator
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    Re: Help on an essay

    Austin, I'm sorry, but we can't help you with your essay before you turn it in. Your teacher needs to see your work, and not ours. If you get it back and your teacher has made corrections or comments you don't understand, please ask us about them. As a very general comment, I think your essay is too casual.

    As for MLA, there are some good online resources. I had to do something using it recently and I think I googled something like "Proper MLA format" and got all sorts of helpful sites.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  3. #3
    DaManakin is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help on an essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    Austin, I'm sorry, but we can't help you with your essay before you turn it in. Your teacher needs to see your work, and not ours. If you get it back and your teacher has made corrections or comments you don't understand, please ask us about them. As a very general comment, I think your essay is too casual.

    As for MLA, there are some good online resources. I had to do something using it recently and I think I googled something like "Proper MLA format" and got all sorts of helpful sites.
    Thanks for the feedback, but i wasn't asking for you to point out every little detail that i mixed up, i was asking an opinion if its decent, and if its in compliance with MLA formatting, and if there is a sentence or two that doesn't make sense, because i have no body to read over my work after i finish, my family works very late, and my step sister is in her room 24/7

  4. #4
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Help on an essay

    DaManakin, we sympathise with your personal problems but as Barb has already said, we can't help you with your essay before you turn it in.

    Barb has already given a general comment on your essay, and suggested a way you might check up on MLA format.

    That's it. Barb said what I so often say in these situations -"Your teacher needs to see your work, and not ours".

  5. #5
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    konungursvia is offline Key Member
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    Re: Help on an essay

    But you did italicize your book titles, which is in line with the MLA format. Beyond that, we don't want to mess up your teacher-student relationship. Having said that, I allow some work to be handed in with help, as long as the help is openly disclosed.

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