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  1. #1
    Raiph is offline Junior Member
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    Talking Please check my essay

    Here is my essay , which is required to be not less than 120 words. If the full mark is 15 , how much can I get?
    How to Prevent Burglary
    Burglary ranks among the most common crime in the world. Because burglary always happens at midnight , it cannot be easily detected and usually succeeds. Thus it's necessary for us to prevent burglary, and take precautions.
    Personally speaking , above all, make sure you've locked all the windows and doors and don't left them on the latch after you go out or when you go to bed. Unlocked doors and windows are completely vunerable to the burglars. Secondly, put away the valuable things, and never place them here and there, which may bring about burglary.Thirdly, your house should be equiped with some warning alarms attached to the police stations, so that you can keep in touch with the policemen whenever you're in trouble.
    In a word, everyone should take precautions and cooperate with the police as much as possible. In this context , we can lead a peaful life.

    Appreciate your help!!!
    Raiph

  2. #2
    curmudgeon's Avatar
    curmudgeon is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please check my essay

    Title - I have changed this to make it more personal, and therefore, hopefully more interesting to the reader. It may not be permissible if the title has been prescribed as part of the test
    How to protect yourself from Burglary
    Use the opening paragraph to elaborate and explain or give further information - you have done this to an extent
    Burglary is a crime that is commited when someone breaks into a house at night, while the occupants are sleeping and steals property or cash. It is one of the most common crimes in the world.
    Using the night as cover, the thief cannot easily be detected and often succeeds in making off with personal property.
    The mid part, or main body of your essay then deals with the subject of the essay, again you have understood this, but take a little care with your statements. for instance not all burglaries happen at midnight, which is a specific time. They do however always happen at night, which can be any time it is dark
    You can make it more difficult for the burglar by taking some simple precautions. First of all, make sure all your windows and doors are locked securely before you go to bed. An open window is an invitation for a burglar. Secondly do not leave valuable items in a place where they may be seen through a window as this may encourage the would be burglar.
    You should consider installing a good quality (and noisy!) intruder alarm. Some alarms can alert the local police who will then come to your assistance.
    The last part is your conclusion, which sums up the main points you are trying to make.
    To conclude, simple precautions and common sense can go a long way to preventing you becoming a victim of burglary. Your local police will be able to give you more information, so talk to them
    Hope this helps But don't blame me if your tutor thinks it is not all your own work. Try writing it using your own words

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