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    #11

    Re: CommonApp Influential Essay Help Please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    I suggest you add a topic sentence, that your first paragraph be about you before you met him, the second paragraph be about what he did, and the third one be about you now, after he helped and influenced you, and you send with a summary sentence about how you would not be where you are now without him. That's all the advice I feel comfortable giving you. Good luck on your college search.
    Hi I changed all of it into 3 paragraphs now.


    No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person called Brian Marslack to show me the right path in life. Without Mr. Marslack I would have not been who I am now; he influenced me in a way that I can never forget.

    Mr. Marslack had a significant influence on me when it came to mathematics. Most people have a subject they do not like; I did too; for me it was math. I had turned 12 and started the academic year of 6th grade. My first forty-five minutes of math class with my new math teacher, Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. He started teaching math, and he taught math in a way that started to interest me. Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn more mathematics, because he showed me that mathematics is fun to learn and apply. From the moment, I started learning math and I have not stopped; learning math has become my dream for the future. After Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn math, I learned math for fun, not because I had to, not because I wanted to get a good grade, but to learn, simply to learn. Mr. Marslack’s favorite subject was math and soon his influence took over me and mathematics was my favorite subject too. I still to this day learn math for fun, I learn math not taught at school because it interests me and that is the biggest influence Mr. Marslack had on me, and I will never forget this.


    First: Introduction Paragraph. Second: Body Paragraphs. Third: Conclusion Paragraph


    Thanks :D

    Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. His influence had made me who I am today academically, and I am and I always will be thankful for that. I now study math for fun, I like studying math, and most of all, I do not study math because I have to. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I think of him; I would have not been the person in the mirror if Mr. Marslack had not changed me, not influenced me. Instead I would have been a different person.

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    #12

    Re: CommonApp Influential Essay Help Please!

    Hi,

    I changed the essay, do you mind looking over it?

    No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person called Brian Marslack to show me the right path in life. Without Mr. Marslack I would have not been who I am now; he influenced me to learn math, and showed me it was fun.
    Mr. Marslack had a significant influence on me when it came to mathematics. Most people have a subject they do not like; I did too; for me it was math. I had turned 12 and started the academic year of 6th grade. My first forty-five minutes of math class with my new math teacher, Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. He started teaching math, and he taught math in a way that started to interest me. Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn more mathematics, because he showed me that mathematics is fun to learn and apply. From the moment, I started learning math and I have not stopped; learning math has become my dream for the future. After Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn math, I learned math for fun, not because I had to, not because I wanted to get a good grade, but to learn, simply to learn. Mr. Marslack’s favorite subject was math and soon his influence took over me and mathematics was my favorite subject too. I still to this day learn math for fun, I learn math not taught at school because it interests me and that is the biggest influence Mr. Marslack had on me, and I will never forget this.
    Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. His influence had made me who I am today academically, and I am and I always will be thankful for that. I now study math for fun, I like studying math, and most of all, I do not study math because I have to. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I think of him; I would have not been the person in the mirror if Mr. Marslack had not changed me, not influenced me. Instead I would have been a different person.
    Total Words: 375


    Introduction, then body paragraph and finally conclusion.

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    #13

    Smile Influential Essay CommonApplication Help Please ! :)

    Hi,

    This is my essay

    No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person called Brian Marslack to show me the right path in life. Without Mr. Marslack I would have not been who I am now; he influenced me to learn math, and showed me it was fun.
    Mr. Marslack had a significant influence on me when it came to mathematics. Most people have a subject they do not like; I did too; for me it was math. I had turned 12 and started the academic year of 6th grade. My first forty-five minutes of math class with my new math teacher, Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. He started teaching math, and he taught math in a way that started to interest me. Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn more mathematics, because he showed me that mathematics is fun to learn and apply. From the moment, I started learning math and I have not stopped; learning math has become my dream for the future. After Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn math, I learned math for fun, not because I had to, not because I wanted to get a good grade, but to learn, simply to learn. Mr. Marslack’s favorite subject was math and soon his influence took over me and mathematics was my favorite subject too. I still to this day learn math for fun, I learn math not taught at school because it interests me and that is the biggest influence Mr. Marslack had on me, and I will never forget this.
    Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. His influence had made me who I am today academically, and I am and I always will be thankful for that. I now study math for fun, I like studying math, and most of all, I do not study math because I have to. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I think of him; I would have not been the person in the mirror if Mr. Marslack had not changed me, not influenced me. Instead I would have been a different person.
    Total Words: 375


    Introduction and then body paragraph and then conclusion, its supposed to be 250-500 words only.

    Thanks :D

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    #14

    Re: Influential Essay CommonApplication Help Please ! :)

    You had 4 different threads going on this essay with about 7 different versions of the essay. I have merged all the threads into one and put it into the Editing and Writing Topics section where it should be. Please read through the thread and make sure that the most recent essay (ie that contained in post #13 above this one) is the current final version you are working on. Don't start any more threads about it. If you wish to revise the essay and post it again, just do it in this thread.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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    #15

    Re: Influential Essay CommonApplication Help Please ! :)

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    You had 4 different threads going on this essay with about 7 different versions of the essay. I have merged all the threads into one and put it into the Editing and Writing Topics section where it should be. Please read through the thread and make sure that the most recent essay (ie that contained in post #13 above this one) is the current final version you are working on. Don't start any more threads about it. If you wish to revise the essay and post it again, just do it in this thread.
    Sorry; it was because I was confused about my threads, and the "Ask a Teacher" forum, is Ask a Teacher the same as this? Anyways for my essay

    No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person called Brian Marslack to show me the right path in life. Without Mr. Marslack I would have not been who I am now; he influenced me to learn math, and showed me it was fun.
    Mr. Marslack had a significant influence on me when it came to mathematics. Most people have a subject they do not like; I did too; for me it was math. I had turned 12 and started the academic year of 6th grade. My first forty-five minutes of math class with my new math teacher, Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. He started teaching math, and he taught math in a way that started to interest me. Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn more mathematics, because he showed me that mathematics is fun to learn and apply. From the moment, I started learning math and I have not stopped; learning math has become my dream for the future. After Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn math, I learned math for fun, not because I had to, not because I wanted to get a good grade, but to learn, simply to learn. Mr. Marslack’s favorite subject was math and soon his influence took over me and mathematics was my favorite subject too. I still to this day learn math for fun, I learn math not taught at school because it interests me and that is the biggest influence Mr. Marslack had on me, and I will never forget this.
    Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. His influence had made me who I am today academically, and I am and I always will be thankful for that. I now study math for fun, I like studying math, and most of all, I do not study math because I have to. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I think of him; I would have not been the person in the mirror if Mr. Marslack had not changed me, not influenced me. Instead I would have been a different person.

    That is my final draft of the essay; please look over it an tell me how it is. :) Thanks :D

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