Re: i need help
Many of your sentences are very short. This is not always a bad thing, since most people tend to write sentences which are far too long! However, you should try to adapt the length of sentences to the situation you are describing. Some will be short; some will be longer. As an example, I have re-written the first bit of your blog, thus:
Originally Posted by lolitta9222
I was lying on the grass, when this cute little boy came up to me. I asked him if he was lost; he asked me if I had any games on my phone. When I told him I hadn't, he looked so sad that I felt bad, and I gave him my phone to play games.
Also, sixteen out of the nineteen sentences in your blog start with "I" or "He". Try to vary the structure of your sentences a bit more, as in:
I played a song and he started dancing, which made me laugh. The more he danced, the more I laughed, until suddenly - in one second - I saw in him the beauty and the innocence that we lose as we grow up.
I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....