[Essay] INFORMATION

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Almasan Adrian

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Please help me to correct this essay.


First name: XXXXX
Second name: XXXXX
E- mail: XXXXXXX
Subject: College Admissions
To:
Mr. Rector,

Your university’s reputation and quality of education offered, has determined me to want to apply to your university the next scholar year, 2014-2015, currently I am a student in the terminal year, as a result I would like to know the following information:

I. Information concerning the conditions of admission:

  1. English requirements:
    1. What type of English test you require and which is the minimum level granted by the university?
    2. Which is the deadline to promote the English test?
  2. Are you requiring a minimum level concerning the graduation grade, if yes, which is it?
  3. Are you requiring a minimum grade concerning the Romanian Baccalaureate?
  4. Which is the registration deadline?
  5. Which modality I should use for applying.
  6. What should the registration file include?
  7. Please let me know of any other conditions that you are requiring, for admission?

II. Information concerning the costs:

  1. Are you requiring taxes for applying, if yes, which is the value of it?
  2. What is the average tuition fee, corresponding to a year of study?
  3. Please let me know of any other charges that you perceive for a year of study?
  4. Are you offering any discounts or exemptions, if yes, in what conditions?

III. Information concerning the accommodation:

  1. Are you offering accommodation during the scholar year, if yes, what are the accommodation facilities?
  2. What is the average cost for accommodation per month?
  3. Are you offering any discounts or exemptions, if yes, in what conditions?
IV. Information concerning the scholarships:
Are you offering scholarships, if yes, which of the following you are offering, which are the granting conditions for these scholarships and for which of them I am eligible, as citizen of the European Union:

  1. Social grants;
  2. Scholarships for excellent results;
  3. Maintenance grants;
  4. Professional Career Development Loan;

V. Information concerning the average cost of living:
Weekly (€)39 weeks (€)52 weeks (€)
Accommodation
Energy and Utilities
Travel
Personal needs
Books and course costs,
Total

VI. Information concerning the employment opportunities:

  1. Are there any programs at the university, which help the students in the perspective of finding a part-time job, if yes, which is it and in what consist?
  2. What are the opportunities of employment for students in the region, and in what they consist?
 
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charliedeut

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Welcome to the Forum Almasan Adrian :hi:,

Unfortunately, we do not provide help with homework assignments. You teacher/professor wants to see what you can do, not what we can do.

However, once you receive it back from them, you can ask us any question about its correction if you have doubts about it.
 

Almasan Adrian

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Thank you for the quick answer, but this is not a homework, it is a questionnaire that i intend to send at the university, were i would like to apply. So if you could help me, I would be really gratefull.
 

emsr2d2

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Thank you for the quick answer (no comma required here) but this is not [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] homework, it is a questionnaire that I intend to send [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] to the university (no comma required here) where I would like to apply. So if you could help me, I would be really [STRIKE]gratefull[/STRIKE] grateful.

You opened your first post with "Please correct my essay". Essays are usually written for homework assignments. If you had used "questionnaire" or "letter", we probably would not have assumed it was homework. Note my corrections to your post.
 

emsr2d2

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Please help me to correct this essay.


First name: XXXXX
Second name: XXXXX
E- mail: XXXX@XXXXXX
Subject: College Admissions

To:

[STRIKE]Mr. Rector,[/STRIKE] Find out the name of the rector of the university and address the letter to him/her by name

Your university’s reputation and quality of education offered (no comma required here) [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] have [STRIKE]determined[/STRIKE] led me to want to apply to your university for the next [STRIKE]scholar[/STRIKE] academic year, 2014-2015. Currently I am a final-year student [STRIKE]in the terminal year,[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]as a result[/STRIKE] I would like to know the following information:

I. [STRIKE]Information concerning[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Conditions of admission:

  1. English requirements:
    1. What type of English test do you require and [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] what is the minimum level [STRIKE]granted[/STRIKE] accepted by the university?[STRIKE]
    2. Which[/STRIKE] What/when is the deadline [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]promote[/STRIKE] for taking the English test?
    [STRIKE]
  2. Are[/STRIKE] Do you [STRIKE]requiring[/STRIKE] require a minimum [STRIKE]level concerning the[/STRIKE] graduation grade? If [STRIKE]yes[/STRIKE] so, [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] what is it?
  3. [strike]Are[/strike] Do you [STRIKE]requiring[/STRIKE] require a minimum grade [STRIKE]concerning[/STRIKE] in the Romanian Baccalaureate?
  4. [strike]Which[/strike] When is the registration deadline?
  5. [strike]Which modality I should use for applying.[/strike] I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. Perhaps "How should I apply?"
  6. What should the registration file include?
  7. Please let me know of any other conditions that you [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]requiring[/STRIKE] require (no comma required here) for admission?

II. [STRIKE]Information concerning[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Costs:

  1. [strike]Are you requiring taxes for applying, if yes, which is the value of it?[/strike] Are any taxes payable on the application cost? If so, how much are the taxes?
  2. What is the average tuition fee (no comma required here) [STRIKE]corresponding to[/STRIKE] for a year of study?
  3. Please let me know of any other charges [STRIKE]that you perceive[/STRIKE] I should expect for a year of study?
  4. [strike]Are[/strike] Do you [STRIKE]offering[/STRIKE] offer any discounts or exemptions? If [STRIKE]yes[/STRIKE] so, in what [STRIKE]conditions[/STRIKE] circumstances?

III. [STRIKE]Information concerning[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Accommodation:

  1. [strike]Are[/strike] Do you [STRIKE]offering[/STRIKE] offer accommodation during the scholar year? If yes, what are the accommodation facilities?
  2. What is the average cost for accommodation per month?
  3. [strike]Are[/strike] Do you [STRIKE]offering[/STRIKE] offer any discounts or exemptions? If [STRIKE]yes[/STRIKE] so, in what [STRIKE]conditions[/STRIKE] circumstances.
IV. [STRIKE]Information concerning[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Scholarships:
[STRIKE]Are[/STRIKE] Do you [STRIKE]offering[/STRIKE] offer scholarships? If [STRIKE]yes[/STRIKE] so, which of the following do you [STRIKE]are offering[/STRIKE] offer, [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] what are the [STRIKE]granting[/STRIKE] conditions for these scholarships and for which of them am I [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] eligible, as a citizen of the European Union:

  1. Social grants;
  2. Scholarships for excellent results;
  3. Maintenance grants;
  4. Professional Career Development Loan;

V. [STRIKE]Information concerning the[/STRIKE] Average cost of living:
Weekly (€)39 weeks (€)52 weeks (€)
Accommodation
Energy and Utilities
Travel
Personal needs
Books and course costs,
Total

VI. [STRIKE]Information concerning the[/STRIKE] Employment opportunities:

  1. Are there any programs at the university (no comma required here) which help [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] students [STRIKE]in the perspective of finding[/STRIKE] to find a part-time job? If [STRIKE]yes[/STRIKE] so, [STRIKE]which is it and in what[/STRIKE] what do the programs consist of?
  2. What are the employment opportunities [STRIKE]of employment[/STRIKE] for students in the [STRIKE]region[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]area?, and in what they consist?[/STRIKE]

Please see my amendments above. I would expect almost all of this information to be available in the university's prospectus or on their website. Before you send this letter/email, make sure that it is not possible to find the information anywhere else. If the university is in the UK, you should ask for the average costs of living in sterling (£) not in Euros (€).
 

Almasan Adrian

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Thank you for your answer and for the corrections,I shall be more careful next time. I know that most of the information that I require are on their websites, but some information are pretty hard to find or they aren't clear enough, at least for me.
Could you recommend me some tips, websites or links from this forum for improving my English skills, especially my writing skills?

PS: Thank you, you helped me so much, if you'll ever need a translation for English to Romanian, I'll gladly help you or any other member, just PM me.
 

emsr2d2

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Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Thank you for your answer and for the corrections. I shall be more careful next time. I know that most of the information that I require [strike]are[/strike] is on their [strike]websites[/strike] website, but some information [strike]are[/strike] is pretty hard to find or [strike]they aren't[/strike] isn't clear enough, at least for me.

Could you recommend [strike]me[/strike] some [strike]tips,[/strike] websites or links from this forum for improving my English skills, especially my writing skills?

PS: Thank you, you helped me so much, if [strike]you'll[/strike] you ever need a translation for English to Romanian, I'll gladly help you or any other member, just PM me.

See my corrections to this post. Note that "information" is an uncountable noun so takes the singular.

You can practice your writing skills on this forum by posting short pieces that you have written yourself. You can only do this if it is not homework or any kind of assignment, but you have just written it for practice. Don't make them too long - we are volunteers and we will be put off by writing of more than about ten or twelve sentences in total. My best advice with your writing is to read everything back to yourself very carefully before you post it. Check your tenses and your singular/plural agreement.
 
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