I'm writing essay to a small scholarship in our country. Please help and give me advice on this essay. Thank you.


How to be successful? What is the key to success? Of course, it is goal. I hope that if you set a goal in your every step and find the right way and fight to achieve the goal, once it will be successful and your life will be more attractive and effective.
What’s my goal for today? It is that to study in own interested major, to become a professional, then to do useful things for my family and country and to be proud of my life. First step of my goal was that to enter to one of the domestic top universities and to graduate well. After graduation in 2010, I had aimed to work and try out myself in job field. Therefore, it has been 3 years being a small part of Newcom group, one of leader groups of Mongolia. Now it’s time to move forward. Next step is entering and upgrading my profession in an international top university and becoming a global man. Worldwide language English, particularly TOEFL high score, is a key to achieve this goal. I heard of some people experience that it requires hardworking and intensive efforts from people, who want to get high score in TOEFL test. Thus, I want to improve my current English skills and knowledge with help and advice of your professional teachers.
I will spend all my duty off hours and weekend times and give full attention to prepare TOEFL test, and get TOEFL iBT test score above 100 in next three months. I really admire and hope that you fully understand my wish and your scholarship will help me to achieve the goal.