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Thread: short story

  1. #1
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Default short story

    I am a teacher of English and i am taking FCE examination next month. please help me correct this story.

    Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window. He lived on the fourth floor of a flat which looked out over the streets. He could not bear to watch the annoying situation. An old poor blind man was sitting on the pavement and some young boys were teasing him by giving him some papers which were not money. The old man was nodding his head and thanking them continuously.
    Jakob left the flat quickly, ran to the man and shouted angrily at the boys. They were really frightened and run away as fast as possible. Jakob then looked more carefully at the poor man. He was so shocked that he could not say anything at all. The man turned out to be his uncle who had left home two months ago. His family had found him everywhere but was unsuccessful.

  2. #2
    Kathvit is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: short story

    Correct it in terms of narrative structure or grammar?

    I can see one simple past tense error and also an instance of a verb being misused; however the narrative structure to me is a bit unbelievable; there's not much plot development - I mean why wasn't the uncle recognised? He's only been gone 2 months.

  3. #3
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    probus is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: short story

    There are two errors, one major and one minor. The major error is "his family had found him everywhere." What you mean is that they looked for him everywhere. They failed to find him. The lesser error is "an old poor blind man". The word order is unnatural. It should be a poor old blind man.

    I cannot see the two errors that Kathvit claimed to see but did not identify.

  4. #4
    5jj's Avatar
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    Default Re: short story

    Quote Originally Posted by probus View Post
    I cannot see the two errors that Kathvit claimed to see but did not identify.
    I can't, either.

  5. #5
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: short story

    Quote Originally Posted by probus View Post
    There are two errors, one major and one minor. The major error is "his family had found him everywhere." What you mean is that they looked for him everywhere. They failed to find him. The lesser error is "an old poor blind man". The word order is unnatural. It should be a poor old blind man.

    I cannot see the two errors that Kathvit claimed to see but did not identify.
    I guess that found is the misused verb and paragraph two does contain a simple past error.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    paragraph two does contain a simple past error.
    I missed that.

  7. #7
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: short story

    Quote Originally Posted by doanhunghalinh View Post
    I am a teacher of English and I am taking the FCE examination next month. Please help me correct this story.
    Other users have pointed out errors in the story. Please see my marked corrections to your first two sentences. You'll have to be more careful in your exam.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  8. #8
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: short story

    Thank you for your comment. Yes, I misused the word "found". "His family had looked for him everywhere"

  9. #9
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: short story

    your guess is right. what I mean is "looked for" not "found". thanks so much for your comment. it is really useful to me.

  10. #10
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: short story

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Other users have pointed out errors in the story. Please see my marked corrections to your first two sentences. You'll have to be more careful in your exam.
    Thanks a lot. I will be more careful next time.

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