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  1. #1
    KSutton21 is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation My Cover Letter Needs Revision.

    I am not completely pleased with it and I have found it to be a bit too long (my signature starts to go onto a second page). However, I don't know what to cut while still highlighting my skills and qualifications. I am writing this is for a cashier position at a local decorette shop and I want this cover letter to be really, really good. They say they want someone reliable, team-oriented, energetic, self-motivated, and have strong customer service skills and I feel like I could add more about why I believe I have each of these skills (and I admit some of the paragraphs may be awkwardly placed). The problem is that it might extend down to two pages if I did . Sorry, but I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to these things and this [cover letter] is really bugging me.

    Name
    Address
    Email


    Date


    Company
    Address
    Email




    Dear Hiring Manager,


    I came across a job opening for the X position at [Company Name] on [Job posting site] I am very interested in applying to this position as I believe I have the right skills and qualifications.


    I have been volunteering at [Volunteer/ company name- it's a cat shelter] for the past year. I enjoy challenging myself, seeing how fast I can clean while still doing exceptionally well. I’ve had several comments from employees who thought I was the best volunteer worker they’ve had and greatly appreciated my service. A volunteer worker that had got me working there also complimented me on how fast I worked. I get along with employees and have chatted with customers that stop by to see the cats, answering as much as I can about them. I love working there that I even wake up at six to start my day and arrive there when the store opens.


    I study at [School] where I am majoring in X. I study as much I can, even starting my studies almost as soon as I wake up. Because of my extensive studying, I am ahead of most (if not all) of the students in my class, even covering assignments and studies weeks ahead of time. I always like to be ahead, so studying materials the week they are assigned or studying material at the same time everyone else is makes me feel that I am or might be falling behind. Currently, I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA


    I work in teams as well as I do alone- I can benefit from either even though working in teams may be very helpful for me. I am known to look up as much as I can (even before the project is officially assigned) to contribute to the group and suggest ideas to make projects or work go as smoothly as it can and am always eager to help others.


    My habits and experience shows that I have the right skills and qualifications and hope you will deeply consider my application so I can further my experience and utilize more skills or bring others to light. I will be excited to work here if I am considered for the job. If you would like to talk or make an interview, please contact me by my email address above.


    Sincerely,


    Name

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: My Cover Letter Needs Revision.

    Quote Originally Posted by KSutton21 View Post
    I am not completely pleased with it and I have found it to be a bit too long (my signature starts to go onto a second page). However, I don't know what to cut while still highlighting my skills and qualifications. I am writing this is for a cashier position at a local decorette shop and I want this cover letter to be really, really good. They say they want someone reliable, team-oriented, energetic, self-motivated, and have strong customer service skills and I feel like I could add more about why I believe I have each of these skills (and I admit some of the paragraphs may be awkwardly placed). The problem is that it might extend down to two pages if I did . Sorry, but I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to these things and this [cover letter] is really bugging me.

    Name
    Address
    Email

    Date

    Company
    Address
    Email




    Dear Hiring Manager,

    Use either "FAO HR Manager" or "Dear + title + surname" (In my opinion, you should find out the name of the person in charge of personnel and address it to him/her.)



    I came across a job opening I would like to apply for the X position at [Company Name] as advertised on [Job posting site] on [date]. I am very interested in applying to this position as I believe I have the right ideal combination of skills and qualifications for this position.


    I have been volunteering at [Volunteer/ company name- it's a cat shelter] for the past year. I enjoy challenging myself, seeing how fast I can clean while still doing exceptionally well. cleaning as quickly as possible while still doing an exceptional job. I’ve had several comments from employees who thought I was the best volunteer worker they’ve had and greatly appreciated my service. A volunteer worker that had got me working there also complimented me on how fast I worked. I have received many complimentary comments from other volunteers regarding my work. I get along very well with both employees and customers have chatted with customers that stop by to see the cats, and I enjoy giving the customers as much information as I can about the cats. answering as much as I can about them. I love working there that I even wake up at six to start my day and arrive there when the store opens. I am always there at 6am when the shelter opens.


    I study at [School] where I am majoring in X. I am currently studying [subject] at [name of school] and I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I study as much I can, even starting my studies almost as soon as I wake up. Because of my extensive studying, I am ahead of most (if not all) of the students in my class, even covering assignments and studies weeks ahead of time. I always like to be ahead, so studying I study materials the week immediately they are assigned. or studying material at the same time everyone else is makes me feel that I am or might be falling behind. Currently, I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA


    I work as well in teams as well as I do alone. - I can benefit from either even though working in teams may be very helpful for me. I am known to look up as much as I can (even before the project is officially assigned) to I contribute to the groups and suggest ideas to make projects or work tasks go as smoothly as it they can, and I am always eager to help others.


    My habits and experience shows demonstrates that I have the right skills and qualifications and I sincerely hope you will deeply consider my application so I can further my experience, and utilize and develop more my skills. or bring others to light. I will would be very excited to work with you. here if I am considered for the job.

    If you would like to talk or make an interview more information or to set up an interview, please contact me by at my email address above.


    Yours sincerely (if you start it with Dear + title + surname),
    Yours faithfully (if you start it with FAO HR Manager or with Dear Sir/Madam)


    Name
    See my suggested amendments above. You are right that it is too long for a covering letter - it will presumably accompany your CV which will have much more information. This letter simply needs to introduce the reasons why you think you would be perfect for the job.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    KSutton21 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: My Cover Letter Needs Revision.

    Where it says "I would like to apply for the X position at [Company Name] as advertised on [Job posting site] on [date]" the date is when they posted the job or when I saw the opening? Also, I'm not really sure what FAO HR Manager is (I used Dear Sir/Madam instead)? And when mentioning the job posting site, would it be best to just say the name of the site, or write down the full address? (ex. www.Craigslist.com vs Craigslist.)
    Last edited by KSutton21; 12-Oct-2013 at 15:52. Reason: more questions.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Cover Letter Needs Revision.

    Quote Originally Posted by KSutton21 View Post
    Where it says "I would like to apply for the X position at [Company Name] as advertised on [Job posting site] on [date]" the date is when they posted the job or when I saw the opening? Also, I'm not really sure what FAO HR Manager is?
    If it was online, then it should say what date the advert was first posted. Use that date. If it was advertised in a newspaper or magazine, then give the date it was published.

    FAO = For the Attention Of

    When you don't know the name of the person you're writing to, putting "Dear" doesn't work. That should always be followed by a name or by "Sir/Madam". In this case, if all you know is that the person who is dealing with the applications is the "Human Resources (HR) Manager" then you can address the application that way.
    As I said, it would be much better for your chances of getting the job if you go to the effort of finding out the name of the person you are dealing with.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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