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Thread: Short story

  1. #1
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Short story

    I would be very grateful if you could help me to correct this story.

    Alison read the note, smiled and immediately put on her coat. She knew that her boy friend, John, was always punctual so she tried to be as quick as possible. On her way to the meeting place, Green Love café, she thought of the happy moment they would share together. He would hold her hands warmly and talked about the plan of their wedding. Her cheeks went pink and she began to sing softly to herself “you are my love, you’re my soul, you’re my life, I cannot live without you…”
    Coming in to the café, she looked quickly at the table where she and John had usually sat. No one was there. She looked round and felt a little disappointed. “John is never late.” she thought to herself and her heart constricted at the thought of some bad situations might happen to him on the crowded road. She was just about to call him when he appeared. While she was so happy and hugged him tight, he seemed to have no feelings. He coldly said “Alison, it’s time for us to say goodbye. I can not get married to you. I don’t love you. I only love your father’s position. Now I have got it”. She could not believe in what she had heard. She could not say anything but burst into tears and look him go away.

  2. #2
    Grumpy's Avatar
    Grumpy is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Short story

    Quote Originally Posted by doanhunghalinh View Post
    I would be very grateful if you could help me to correct this story.

    Alison read the note, smiled and immediately put on her coat. She knew that her boy friend, John, was always punctual, so she tried to be as quick as possible. On her way to the meeting place, the Green Love Café, she thought of the happy moments they would share together. He would hold her hands warmly and talk about the plans for their wedding. Her cheeks went pink and she began to sing softly to herself,You are my love, you’re my soul, you’re my life, I cannot live without you…”
    Coming in to the café, she looked quickly at the table where she and John had usually sat. No one was there. She looked round and felt a little disappointed. “John is never late”, she thought to herself and her heart constricted at the thought of some bad situations which might have happened to him on the crowded road. She was just about to call him when he appeared. While She was so happy and hugged him tight, but he seemed to have no feelings. He said coldly, “Alison, it’s time for us to say goodbye. I cannot get married to you. I don’t love you. I only love your father’s position, and now I have got it”. She could not believe in what she had heard. She could not say anything, but burst into tears and look watched him go away leave.
    Hope that helps. What a sad story! She's better off without him.......
    I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Short story

    "Boyfriend", not "boy friend".
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    doanhunghalinh is offline Newbie
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    Re: Short story

    Thanks for your help. Your corrections really help me.

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