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  1. #1
    Shukur. is offline Newbie
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    Default hi.please check my essay

    Leaders like Kennedy and Martin Luther have made important contributions to the people of the USA. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.
    Generally, leader is chosen by people of the country. People opt them cause, they believe that their leader will do everything to improve the country. Ideas and plans of leader are respected and supported. I want to write about Heydar Aliyev. He is the leader which our nation will not forget forever. I have strong arguments to support my choice.
    Firstly, our government was in war in the last decade of 20 century. In that hard times, he was elected as new president of my country. As soon as, he swore after election first thing he settle the war. Lots of people were being killed in the war. After making temporary peace the difficult situation started to decrease.
    Secondly, Our country have great potential for oil. New contracts were signed with world great companies. Eventually, that contracts bring good money to the government. All that money were spent on other field of Economy. Other parts of social life started to increase in level.
    The last and most important contributions he made to his nation is in the field of Education. As each people know that the base of government is education. As the people said in old times if you want to destroy one nation, destroy its nation knowledge.
    In conclusion , I want to state that in every nation there are leaders that did everything to their nation. Life is going on. New leaders will come. People should be carefull when choosing their leader. Their future ups their choice

  2. #2
    mglad is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    Hey Shukur,

    Here are some thoughts and edits:

    > Generally, leader
    Generally,
    a leader ...

    >
    People opt them cause
    People opt
    for them because

    >
    Ideas and plans of leader are respected and supported
    The ideas and plans of a leader are respected and supported.
    One thing to note is that this sentence is in the passive voice (i.e. there is no subject: who respects and supports these leaders?).
    Avoid such sentences, particularly when writing for an American audience.

    >
    will not forget forever
    will
    never forget

    >
    I have strong arguments to support my choice.
    This sentence is not necessary.
    Even if you wanted to use it as a transition sentence, it is not that strong.

    >
    was in war
    was at war

    >
    of 20 century
    of the 20th century

    >
    In that hard times
    Either say: In that hard time OR In those hard times.
    Basically this is to align the number (singular / plural) of the pronoun "that" with your noun "hard time".

    Anyway, I don't want to go further, in case you don't find this useful and were looking for something else.
    If you find it useful, definitely let me know, and I would be happy to help.
    I learned writing through a great deal of practice, and so I would love to help others too.
    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Shukur. is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    thanks for corrections

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    Shukur, when are you going to submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    Shukur. is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    in 2 day?why did you ask?

  6. #6
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Shukur. View Post
    in 2 day?why did you ask?
    Probably because we don't do homework here. Are you going to tell your teacher that these are mglad's responses and not your own work at all?

    @mglad: Please don't use this forum to do other people's homework for them.

  7. #7
    Shukur. is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    no.I am preparing for toefl.the teacher said me to check your essays in the site.it is ok.he also make corrections.add new things

  8. #8
    mglad is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    Fair enough, thanks @Raymott.
    I will try to keep my edits generic and concept-based.

    @Shukur, when it comes to writing better, I like to follow Larry King's advice: "Write. Rewrite. When not writing or rewriting, read."
    I use these other two places to write regularly: Medium (https://medium.com/) and DailyThem.es (http://www.dailythem.es).
    I personally prefer the latter because there's often good peer feedback.
    For reading, I suggest the New York Times (The New York Times - Breaking News, World News & Multimedia) and the Economist (The Economist - World News, Politics, Economics, Business & Finance).
    I find the New York times a lighter read.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by mglad; 28-Oct-2013 at 01:02.

  9. #9
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: hi.please check my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Shukur. View Post
    No. I am preparing for TOEFL. The teacher said told me to check your my essays in the site. It is OK. He also makes/made corrections and adds/added new things.
    If you are going to take the TOEFL, you need to concentrate on every aspect of written English. Follow these rules every time you write in English:

    - Start every sentence with a capital letter.
    - End every sentence with a single appropriate punctuation mark.
    - Always capitalise the word "I".
    - Do not put a space before a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
    - Always put a space after a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
    - Capitalise proper nouns (English, TOEFL, Italy etc).
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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