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  1. #1
    ashiil is offline Newbie
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    Red face Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Hello, i wrote this motivation letter and i was thinking about puting a phone number after i said
    "you may contact the Goethe center in Casablanca for any further information in regards with this test"
    should i put the phone number of this language center, or leave it like that and let them search for the numer in google?
    what do you think about it, and please if you have other ideas or corrections about this motivation letter, please do tell me.


    October 31, 2013
    Professor
    Hochschule
    GERMANY


    Dear Professor,

    I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to Electrical Engineering and Information Technology program at the University of Applied Sciences.


    I am equally challenged and fascinated by the world of information technology, and this is the main reason why I decided to switch my study path after a gaining a diploma in automobile repair.
    During my study years I have shown discipline, enthusiasm and motivation, and that was noticed by my professors who chose me for a very selective internship at the same university. This experience along with other internships led me to expand my area of expertise what I have studied in classrooms.
    This technical and professional development was paired by a personal growth that I experienced while participating in a social project in Bielefeld; Germany, where I was hosted by a typical German family and had to step out of my comfort zone by working and communicating on daily basis with people from all over the world and with different backgrounds.

    After coming back I began teaching myself the German language, I have recently passed the Goethe admission test that allow me to start studying with at the A2 level. Unfortunately, I cannot provide an official document on time for my application but you may contact the Goethe center in Casablanca for any further information in regards with this test

    Having the opportunity to do a Bachelor degree in your university will enable me to learn, expand and develop my professional and scientific basics, especially in electrical engineering and electronics, mathematics and programming, digital and microcomputer technology during the first three semesters. I did not come to contact with these subjects in my previous bachelor and this before majoring in Communications Technology in your university.
    I would like to let you know that in case I get accepted in this bachelor, I am planning on working towards a master degree in communications technologies.

    To conclude, I would like to add that studying in your university will provide me with the opportunity to grow further as a person by living and studying in an international environment.

    Please refer to the accompanying resume to provide you with further details of my qualifications.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely

  2. #2
    MikeNewYork's Avatar
    MikeNewYork is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    If you are offering them a contact, of course you should provide the number.

  3. #3
    konungursvia's Avatar
    konungursvia is offline Key Member
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Universities with language standards usually don't make exceptions too easily, and often make you wait until next semester when you have got the test under your belt.

  4. #4
    ashiil is offline Newbie
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    So the best thing is to provid the phone number?
    And do you guys have any suggestion about the articulation and other things in this motivation letter?
    Last edited by ashiil; 03-Nov-2013 at 03:18.

  5. #5
    Rover_KE is online now Moderator
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    You'll get nowhere without using correct capitalisation and punctuation.

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Quote Originally Posted by ashiil View Post
    so the best thing is to provid the phone number (punctuation missing)
    and do you guys have any suggestion about the articulation and other things on this motivation letter?
    I have marked your errors in red. Please click on Edit Post and correct them.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  7. #7
    ashiil is offline Newbie
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I have marked your errors in red. Please click on Edit Post and correct them.

    Thanks for the help.
    But i was hopping you could help me with the original letter of motivation, if i can change or correct something.

  8. #8
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Quote Originally Posted by ashiil View Post
    Thanks for the help.
    But i was hopping you could help me with the original letter of motivation, if i can change or correct something.
    The point is that lazy English, like writing "i" instead of "I," makes us feel the person isn't really committed to proper English. Even after ems asked you specifically to capitalize "I" you still used "i" twice in your post. It doesn't motivate us to look at the "real" post.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  9. #9
    ashiil is offline Newbie
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    The point is that lazy English, like writing "i" instead of "I," makes us feel the person isn't really committed to proper English. Even after ems asked you specifically to capitalize "I" you still used "i" twice in your post. It doesn't motivate us to look at the "real" post.


    Well thank you very much, its just I am not a native english speaker, english is my third language, and I didnt know that I should use "I" instead of "i".
    Can you please help me with other stuff in this motivation letter? because this school is really important for me and I need to get it.

  10. #10
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Re: Can i put a phone number in the body of a motivation letter?

    October 31, 2013
    Professor
    Hochschule
    GERMANY

    Delete the words in red

    Dear Professor [I assume you'll use the person's name, right?],

    I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background [Have you given information already? otherwise "further" doesn't fit.] information in support of my application for entrance to Electrical Engineering and Information Technology program at the University of Applied Sciences.


    I am both challenged and fascinated by the world of information technology, and this is the main reason why I decided to switch my study path I am pursuing this new course of study after a gaining a diploma in automobile repair.

    During my study years In my studies, I have shown discipline, enthusiasm and motivation, and that was noticed by my professors who chose me for a very selective internship [to do what?] at the same [same as what?] university. This experience [you need to see what that internship was before you can refer to it as "this experience] along with other internship [doing what?] helped me to expand my knowledge beyond what I learned in the classroom.

    This technical and professional development was paired by a personal growth that I experienced while participating in a social project in Bielefeld, [comma, not semi-colon] Germany, where I was hosted by a typical German family and had to step out of my comfort zone by working and communicating on daily basis with people from all over the world and with different backgrounds.

    After coming back I began teaching myself the German language, and I have recently passed the Goethe admission test that will allow me to start studying with at the A2 level [I don't know what this is]. Unfortunately, I cannot provide an official document on time for my application but you may contact the Goethe center in Casablanca for any further information in regards with this test.Try this: This can be confirmed by the Goethe Center in Casablanca while I await the official certificates.

    Having the opportunity to obtain a bachelor's degree from your university will enable me to learn, expand and develop my professional and scientific basics, especially in electrical engineering and electronics, mathematics and programming, digital and microcomputer technology during the first three semesters. I did not come to contact with these subjects in my previous bachelor and this before majoring in Communications Technology in your university.

    Don't repeat the courses you'll take. He or she already knows the curriculum.

    I would like to let you know that in case I get accepted in this bachelor, I am planning on working towards a master degree in communications technologies.

    I'm my ultimate goal to obtain a master's degree in communications technology after I finish my bachelor's degree.

    To conclude, I would like to add that, in addition to expanding my knowledge in the field of IT, studying in your university will provide me with the opportunity to grow further as a person by living and studying in an international environment.

    Please refer to the accompanying resume to provide you with further details of my qualifications.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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