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  1. #1
    enahoro is offline Newbie
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    Default Please help asap

    I am building my wedding website and i need to add this to it. Please help me edit the writing, including structure and puntuantions. Thanks!



    I can clearly remember how I met my beautiful bride to be. It all started on face book. It all started when I saw her at a wedding at funtin church. She stood out among the braidsmaid and she caught my attention, I told myself “wow she looks beautiful”. That day I left on time and didn’t have the chance to talk to her. A year after I saw her on face book and I decided to send her a message to see how she was doing, and also that I remember seeing her at a friend’s wedding. I waited for some days before she finally replied to my face book message..lol for some reason I thought she purposely delayed replying to my message. We sent each other messages via face book and later on we started talking on the phone. Our first conversation lasted about 3 hours but I had to let her go because she was studying for her exams. My first date with Joy was at junta seafood restaurant. We both tried alligator at the restaurant and it was yummy. We talked almost every day for several weeks. My mind told me she was the one and in June of 2010 I took her to Southtale, we sat at the water fountain and after talking for a while I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend..guess what? She said YES!…. Since then we have been so much in love with each other.
    After 3 years and couple months of dating, Joy and i went bowling with John and Jane. During the bowling game Lena suggested for us to grab ice cream from coldstone, hahaha i quickly suggested we go to Southtale to grab some ice cream. At first i was going to propose to her at the bowling arena, but i decided to do it where i first asked her out. I was little bit upset that she was going to know i got the ring with me, lol she kept on trying to reach for my pocket because she gave me her phone to hold during the bowling game, but i guess i was sneaky :). We got to Southtale and then grabbed our ice cream from cold stone, afterwards we went to the fountain and chit chat for a little. My mind was already made up to go ahead with my plan. We were about leaving and then i said to myself " I am about to make one of the biggest and best decision of my life" my instinct was right. As Joy, Jane and John were about leaving i pulled out the box out of my pocket and got on one knee, i told her how much i love her and afterwards asked her " Will you marry me?" she nooded and said yes with tears of joy.

  2. #2
    enahoro is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Can anyone help me out please?

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Quote Originally Posted by enahoro View Post
    I am building my wedding website and I need to add this to it. Please help me edit the writing, including structure and punctuantions. Thanks!


    I can clearly remember how I met my beautiful bride-to-be (or "fiancée). It all started on face book Facebook. It all started when I saw her at a wedding at Funtin Church. She stood out among the braidsmaid bridesmaids and she caught my attention. I told myself “Wow, she looks beautiful”.
    It is very late here and I only had time to do the first four sentences but it's a start. My corrections are above in red. Sentences 2 and 3 are contradictory. Either it all started on Facebook or it all started at a wedding. Decide which one it was.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Also, if you run it through a spell checker, that will pick errors like 'i' and 'nooded'.
    And do get rid of these non-punctuation dots: my girlfriend..guess what? She said YES!…. Since
    my face book message
    ..lol for some reason


  5. #5
    enahoro is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Thank you for the correction, I will replace it right now.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    And replace every "face book" with "Facebook."
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  7. #7
    enahoro is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Can you guys help me edit it when you get the chance please?

  8. #8
    5jj's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Quote Originally Posted by enahoro View Post
    Can you guys help me edit it when you get the chance please?
    People will more more likely to help you if you makes some effort yourself. You seem to have ignored what Raymott and Barb said.
    Please do not edit your question after it has received a response. Such editing can make the response hard for others to understand.


  9. #9
    Barb_D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    Post your EDITED version in a new reply to this thread.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  10. #10
    enahoro is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help asap

    I Made the changes......




    I can clearly remember how I met my beautiful bride-to-be. It all started when I saw her at a wedding at Funtin Church. She stood out among the bridesmaids and she caught my attention. I told myself “Wow, she looks beautiful”. That day I left on time and didn’t have the chance to talk to her. A year after I saw her on face book and I decided to send her a message to see how she was doing, and also that I remember seeing her at a friend’s wedding. I waited for some days before she finally replied to my Facebook message.For some reason I thought she purposely delayed replying to my Facebook message. We sent each other messages via Facebook and later lead to us talking on the phone. Our first conversation lasted about 3 hours but I had to let her go because she was studying for her exams. My first date with Joy was at Junta seafood restaurant. We both tried alligator at the restaurant and it was yummy. We talked almost every day for several weeks. My mind told me she was the one and in August of 2010 I took her to Southtale, we sat at the water fountain and after talking for a while I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend guess what? She said YES! Since then we have been so much in love with each other.

    After 3 years and couple months of dating, Joy and I went bowling with John and Jane. During the bowling game Jane suggested for us to grab ice cream from coldstone, hahaha I quickly suggested we go to Southtale to grab some ice cream. At first I was going to propose to her at the bowling arena, but I decided to do it where I first asked her out. I was little bit upset that she was going to know I got the ring with me, lol she kept on trying to reach for my pocket because she gave me her phone to hold during the bowling game, but I guess i was sneaky :). We got to Southtale and then grabbed our ice cream from cold stone, afterwards we went to the fountain and chit chats for a little. My mind was already made up to go ahead with my plan. We were about leaving and then I said to myself " I am about to make one of the biggest and best decision of my life" my instinct was right. As Joy, Jane and John were about leaving I pulled out the box out of my pocket and got on one knee, I told her how much I love her and afterwards asked her " Will you marry me?" she nodded and said yes with tears of joy.

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