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  1. #1
    Raiph is offline Junior Member
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    Feb 2006
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    Talking Please have my essay checked

    Here is an essay which is required to be at least 120 words.please grade it(15 points)

    Getting to know the world outside the campus
    As a college student, I think it is necessary for us to learn more about our society and pay close attention to the news that all happen around us. It 's a good way to expand our range of vision and develop our sense of responsibility for our country.
    As far as I know, many students who reside in dome will take in paper.they enjoy learning the events either at home or abroad. True, newspaper is a good carrier of message , butthe way we get to know the colorful workd is more than that. WIth the development of modern technology of communication, doubtless Internet is a better choice,because it provides not only up-to-date information but related video clip in the vivid way.
    From my standpoint , apart from these two ways, it is meaningful to take a part-time job or two regardless of the pay.On one hand, you can learn something outside the classroom ,on the other hand, it's the preparation for your future full time job.

    Thank you
    Raiph

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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    Default Re: Please have my essay checked

    all happen around- word order and verb agreement problems
    It 's- style
    reside in dome- wrong word
    take in paper- article
    they enjoy learning the events- capitalisation and missing preposition
    newspaper is- article or make it plural
    butthe way we get to know the colorful workd is more than that- Rewrite this- there are othe wyas we...
    video clip- just one?
    the vivid way- I don't like 'vivid'

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