can you check my letter please

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kamha

Banned
Joined
Nov 15, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Great Britain
Current Location
Great Britain
I am entering English in may 2014 and i am hoping for a star could you kindly help me in correcting my letter
it is about a recent visit to elderly relative i shuld include in my ltter the following points
explain one problem that has occured
say what you did about it
describe your feelings about the visit




Dear sally,
It's been ages since I last wrote you but I was busy studying and haven't had the time.Anyway I decided to drop you a line to tell you about my scariest holiday.
It was the happiest moment of my life when dad decided to vist my grandpa in his remote quiet village as I hoped to relax and unwind after a hectic school term. In midnight I was at a loose end so I decided to listen to music when suddenly I heard my grendpa screaming,I rushed to his room to see him fainted.
Can you imagine the panic!I was relly in a fix.I called the ambulance and made some of the first aid proceedurs. I was in a real shock as my grandpa's face is loosing its colour and his lips turned to blue. I called my dad and we went to the nearest hospital and immeadtly he entered the intensive care and until the moment he is still there.
I was very annoyed from my parents as they left my grandpa living alone on that remote village and they didn't care about what is going to happen if he fainted alone and no one there to give him a helping hand .I was on edge beacause of that experience and i am terrified that he might pass away.
Looking forward to recieving your letter.Give my regards to your family.
Love from,
Kamha
 

MikeNewYork

VIP Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I am entering English in may 2014 and i am hoping for a star could you kindly help me in correcting my letter
it is about a recent visit to elderly relative i shuld include in my ltter the following points
explain one problem that has occured
say what you did about it
describe your feelings about the visit




Dear sally,
It's been ages since I last wrote you but I was busy studying and haven't had the time.Anyway I decided to drop you a line to tell you about my scariest holiday.
It was the happiest moment of my life when dad decided to vist my grandpa in his remote quiet village as I hoped to relax and unwind after a hectic school term. In midnight I was at a loose end so I decided to listen to music when suddenly I heard my grendpa screaming,I rushed to his room to see him fainted.
Can you imagine the panic!I was relly in a fix.I called the ambulance and made some of the first aid proceedurs. I was in a real shock as my grandpa's face is loosing its colour and his lips turned to blue. I called my dad and we went to the nearest hospital and immeadtly he entered the intensive care and until the moment he is still there.
I was very annoyed from my parents as they left my grandpa living alone on that remote village and they didn't care about what is going to happen if he fainted alone and no one there to give him a helping hand .I was on edge beacause of that experience and i am terrified that he might pass away.
Looking forward to recieving your letter.Give my regards to your family.
Love from,
Kamha

Is this a homework assignment?
 

Gillnetter

Key Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I am entering English in may 2014 and i am hoping for a star could you kindly help me in correcting my letter
it is about a recent visit to elderly relative i shuld include in my ltter the following points
explain one problem that has occured
say what you did about it
describe your feelings about the visit




Dear sally,
It's been ages since I last wrote you but I was busy studying and haven't had the time.Anyway I decided to drop you a line to tell you about my scariest holiday.
It was the happiest moment of my life when dad decided to vist my grandpa in his remote quiet village as I hoped to relax and unwind after a hectic school term. In midnight I was at a loose end so I decided to listen to music when suddenly I heard my grendpa screaming,I rushed to his room to see him fainted.
Can you imagine the panic!I was relly in a fix.I called the ambulance and made some of the first aid proceedurs. I was in a real shock as my grandpa's face is loosing its colour and his lips turned to blue. I called my dad and we went to the nearest hospital and immeadtly he entered the intensive care and until the moment he is still there.
I was very annoyed from my parents as they left my grandpa living alone on that remote village and they didn't care about what is going to happen if he fainted alone and no one there to give him a helping hand .I was on edge beacause of that experience and i am terrified that he might pass away.
Looking forward to recieving your letter.Give my regards to your family.
Love from,
Kamha
If you will carefully rewrite this text I will look at it again. After a period (.) put a space everytime. I is always capitalized, I not i. Check your spelling there are a number of misspelled words.
 

Rover_KE

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Member Type
Retired English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
Kamha, what do you mean by 'I am entering English in May 2014 and I am hoping for a star'?

Are you asking us to give you an unfair advantage over your competitors? It would hardly be ethical for us to do that.
 
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