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  1. #1
    Ryan. is offline Junior Member
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    Post TOEFL writing section, Thanks a lot for your proofreading

    Many thanks in advance for your opinions on my essay.

    "If we think of universities and colleges as the places to prepare individuals for contributing to their prospective professions more effectively, I think that question answers itself.
    Since human-being is adapted to live in groups, one of the most prominent skills one should possess in order to advance in their career and act in society more effectively is the ability of communicating and collaborating with other members of society efficiently. Therefore these activities should not be considered as the side activities which are of second importance but as the main body of the curriculum which is crucial to prepare students to be more effective in their future life.
    The other aspect of these activities that has to be taken into consideration is that they positively affect the constitution of a large group of society through which increasing the level of society's health and decreasing the rate of serious disease, hence the rate of death.
    If we look at this matter from economical perspective that would be beneficial too, because investing money in these activities at colleges and universities may seem to inflict some additional costs on the government at the first glance but in fact through decreasing health care expenditure, it decreases costs much more than the amount of money invested.
    Another reason that can be mentioned to support the idea of this policy being beneficial is that all societies must allocate a budget to professional sports either to find new talent or to improve their abilities. Since the majority of the young population of society attend at universities and colleges, in addition to other benefits mentioned above, a part of this budget can be invested there more effectively. The other significant advantage of this action is providing the students with a platform through which they can learn about their interest, strength and weakness in the field of sports and that may encourage them to pursue a particular sport as their profession. "
    Last edited by Ryan.; 17-Nov-2013 at 20:03.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: TOEFL writing section, Thanks a lot for your proofreading

    When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor for marking?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Ryan. is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: TOEFL writing section, Thanks a lot for your proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor for marking?
    I have to to hand him this essay by the end of the week.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: TOEFL writing section, Thanks a lot for your proofreading

    Then we wish you good luck. We do not and will not help with homework or assignments. That would give you an unfair advantage and your teacher is only interested in seeing what you can do, not what we can do.

    Do the best you can and then, when you get the essay back with your teacher's comments and corrections, you can come back to us if you don't understand any of them.

    I am closing this thread now.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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