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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default The Lonely Wolf, part five

    This is the fifth part of my short story, The Lonely Wolf. Please would you correct my mistakes.

    It took me months until I recovered from this unpleasant episode. However, I was intrigued to go to the bottom of my feelings. Was my disgust towards this woman caused by her unattractive body, or was it something deeper behind my reaction. I started to behave like a spider looking for a “victim” and spinning my nets all over the town. I went to the night-clubs a few times but declined the advances of the women I did not like for some reasons. Then one evening I was lucky. She was a young, beautiful girl, without company and without money. I treated her with a drink, then another, and she looked at me gratefully with her dark eyes. We chatted the whole evening. She told me about her childhood and her parents who divorced when she had become a teenager and how their separation had affected her own life. I listened to her story but tried not to become emotionally involved. I wanted her young body, and was not interested in her soul. I was selfish not because I wanted to abuse and exploit her, but because I wanted to find answers about myself.

    She followed me to my flat gladly. She smiled at me. Her dark eyes sparkled under the streetlights. This was probably not the first time she followed an older man to his home. Maybe she was still searching for her father, hoping that the next man she met would be him. Maybe she knew that older men would always treat her with drinks, be generous towards her and respect her.
    We took off our clothes almost simultaneously. Her body was slender; her firm breasts were round and her shapely legs were like a fashion model’s. She gave me a teasing look, aware of the power her young body wielded over men. She certainly believed that I was going to behave like others. I was going to grope her breasts, cover her body with my saliva and whisper obscenities into her ear.
    My goal was to prove to myself that I was a real man, a man with drives, who craved a woman’s body, enjoyed good sex, and had tenderness for another human being. Unfortunately, when I saw her body I understood that I was not an ordinary human being. I was never going to be as others. I was condemned to live the life of an outcast who should stay away from his fellow citizens and look for companionship somewhere else.
    “No,” I said. “I can’t.” She stared at me understanding nothing.
    “This is absolutely wrong,” I said.
    “What is wrong?”
    “Everything. From the beginning. I shouldn’t do this.”
    She gave me a look of disgust. Her eyes fell upon my flaccid, shrunken organ and she winced.
    “You idiot!” she shouted. “Why did you drag me all the way to your flat when you’re impotent? You should buy yourself a silicon doll instead.”
    “Please let me explain. There is something with my feelings that I can’t control....”

    She cut me in saying, “I’m not a psychiatrist. I did not come here for a therapy session.” She dressed hastily and left my flat without a word, slamming the door behind her. I sat on my bed, put my head into my hands and started crying. What have I done to deserve such a fate? I was never envious; never bore a grudge against other people; I did not hate anyone. I wished everyone happiness and success, but instead of blessings, I only received more pain and suffering. I tried to find any kind of rational explanations, but all my enquiries ended in a blind alley. In the end, I had to accept my suffering just as the blind have to put up with their blindness or disabled with their handicap.

    TO BE CONTINUED

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: The Lonely Wolf, part five

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    This is the fifth part of my short story, The Lonely Wolf. Please would you correct my mistakes.

    It took me months until I recovered from this unpleasant episode. However, I was intrigued enough to go to the bottom of my feelings. Was my disgust towards this woman caused by her unattractive body, or was it there something deeper behind my reaction? I started to behave like a spider looking for a “victim” and spinning my nets all over the town. I went to the night-clubs a few times but declined the advances of the women I did not like for some reasons. Then one evening I was lucky. She was a young, beautiful girl, without company and without money. I treated her with to a drink, then another, and she looked at me gratefully with her dark eyes. We chatted the whole evening. She told me about her childhood and her parents who divorced when she had become a teenager and how their separation had affected her own life. I listened to her story but tried not to become emotionally involved. I wanted her young body, and was not interested in her soul. I was selfish not because I wanted to abuse and exploit her, but because I wanted to find answers about myself.

    She followed me to my flat gladly. She smiled at me. Her dark eyes sparkled under the streetlights. This was probably not the first time she followed an older man to his home. Maybe she was still searching for her father, hoping that the next man she met would be him. Maybe she knew that older men would always treat her with drinks, be generous towards her and respect her.
    We took off our clothes almost simultaneously. Her body was slender; her firm breasts were round and her shapely legs were like a fashion model’s. She gave me a teasing look, aware of the power her young body wielded over men. She certainly believed that I was going to behave like others. I was going to grope her breasts, cover her body with my saliva and whisper obscenities into her ear.
    My goal was to prove to myself that I was a real man, a man with drives, who craved a woman’s body, enjoyed good sex, and had tenderness for another human being. Unfortunately, when I saw her body I understood that I was not an ordinary human being. I was never going to be as others. I was condemned to live the life of an outcast who should stay away from his fellow citizens (There's nothing really wrong with using "citizens" but it is a bit restrictive. Would it be acceptable for him to associate with people from Mexico or Canda?) and look for companionship somewhere else (With apes or racoons?).
    “No,” I said. “I can’t.” She stared at me understanding nothing.
    “This is absolutely wrong,” I said.
    “What is wrong?”
    “Everything. From the beginning. I shouldn’t do this.”
    She gave me a look of disgust. Her eyes fell upon my flaccid, shrunken organ and she winced.
    “You idiot!” she shouted. “Why did you drag me all the way to your flat when you’re impotent? You should buy yourself a silicon doll instead.”
    “Please let me explain. There is something with my feelings that I can’t control....”

    She cut me in saying, “I’m not a psychiatrist. I did not come here for a therapy session.” She dressed hastily and left my flat without a word, slamming the door behind her. I sat on my bed, put my head into my hands and started crying. What have I done to deserve such a fate? I was never envious; never bore a grudge against other people; I did not hate anyone. I wished everyone happiness and success, but instead of blessings, I only received more pain and suffering. I tried to find any kind of rational explanations, but all my enquiries ended in a blind alley. In the end, I had to accept my suffering just as the blind have to put up with their blindness or the disabled with their handicaps.

    TO BE CONTINUED
    Gil

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: The Lonely Wolf, part five

    Dear Gil,

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every time when you have proofread my text I feel so glad. You have helped me so much; you have corrected my mistakes and that means you are helping me to acquire knowledge, and helping me to master English language. These are for me sacred things, which are impossible to value in money or material goods. You could have simply ignored my texts, as many others on this forum do, but you did not. Instead, you sacrificed your time to correct my stories and you helped me when I needed help, which I appreciate so much.

    Regarding the sentence "...an outcast who should stay away from his fellow citizens and look for companionship somewhere else," maybe I should write instead "stay away from his fellow human beings."

  4. #4
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: The Lonely Wolf, part five

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Dear Gil,

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every time when you have proofread my text I feel so glad. You have helped me so much; you have corrected my mistakes and that means you are helping me to acquire knowledge, and helping me to master English language. These are for me sacred things, which are impossible to value in money or material goods. You could have simply ignored my texts, as many others on this forum do, but you did not. Instead, you sacrificed your time to correct my stories and you helped me when I needed help, which I appreciate so much.

    Regarding the sentence "...an outcast who should stay away from his fellow citizens and look for companionship somewhere else," maybe I should write instead "stay away from his fellow human beings."
    Citizens refers to people who are members of a certain country, such as I am a US citizen. Yes, you could use "fellow humans beings", though "fellow humans" is better. The question this sentence brings up is who or what would he would find companionship with? This opens another door of thought, one that is never really dealt with. Should he get a dog? One can have a dog as a companion. Rather than deal with this problem I would end the sentence this way "an outcast who should stay away from his fellow humans".

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