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  1. #1
    mandough is offline Newbie
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    Default Please someone fix my essay i have rewritten it 4 times

    By being persistent I allow myself to multi task with school work as well as my household obligations. The benefits of being constant have given me the will power to pull a various amounts of all nighters to finish my given assignments. My daily routine involves me rising at five in the morning to prepare myself for school. Before I have the pleasure of eating breakfast I prepare Andy’s lunch bag and school clothes for the babysitter. I ensure that the clothes he wears will suffice for the weather and that he may not bare being cold or hot. I have accomplished studying for my examinations persistently every year so that I may receive a grade to my satisfaction. When I leave for school I enter at six and a half and my daily routine starts. I enter ceramics and create models that appeal to my teachers liking. I am her only helper for she has chosen me to be her assistant. Not only must I make my models but I must provide clay, cut the clay, and regulate the amount of clay that is distributed. I am responsible of ensuring that each student has understood the instructions and can apply his/her creativity to their artwork. As my day progresses I indulge myself into my AP English Literature class where I learn to master reading comprehension. In this class our focus is being able to prepare for the AP test by mastering comprehension skills in reading books with different diction. When the bell rings I decide to continue my day by entering my AP Macroeconomics class. This class is seemingly difficult because it is a completely new subject I have no idea about. Although I am one of the few students thriving with an A I learn to apply economics to real life situations. I have learned a wide variety of vocabulary that I had no prior knowledge to. In addition I am enrolled in the course of AP Calculus AB which requires abstract thinking. The Calculus class requires intense focus and step by step analysis as well as intense mental math capabilities. Also, the AP Psychology class which challenges my mental processing and way of thinking. AP Psychology requires plenty of reading and being able to comprehend the different parts and functions of the brain. Furthermore, is my AP Spanish literature class which enhances my second language. The course of AP Spanish literature requires the memorization of plenty of vocabulary words and being able to apply them. This is the last Spanish class that is offered at the school there is no further Spanish class being offered at all. Lastly, the hardest class is my AP Physics class with my professor Dr. Wahba. Despite having a professor for a teacher it is difficult because her standards are different than a regular high school teacher. She has very few students who challenge themselves including myself. The most difficult part is learning how to apply real physics to everyday problems. My physics class challenges real world problems and learns how to solve them. When my school day ends my household obligations begin and range anywhere from moping, doing laundry, scrubbing carpet stains, washing dishes, cooking, as well as monitoring my brothers elementary homework. Although they may be time consuming, I prioritize my limited time in order to accomplish my obligations on every Friday of the week. I start doing homework after school at the homework center or simply go home and focus my time from 2:30-5:30. Then I start walking to my brothers school to pick him up from the after school program which allows me to study more.
    My life struggles are rather unique and I differ from my peers. I am responsible for the education of my five year old brother as well as my own. I pick him up from Kindergarten and prepare food that satisfies his likes. He has a rather unique taste for spaghetti with a side dish of garlic bread after a long eight hours of school. He was placed in an after school program so that I may be able to pick him up at five of the afternoon and that my studies will remain undisturbed. I ensure his homework demonstrates accomplishment and that effort was given. He struggles slightly with reading comprehension and sometimes gets frustrated by not understanding what the directions are asking for. A strategy that I demonstrated was reading the directions at a slower pace. He has successfully been able to recite his weekly poems in a more fluent manner these past three months. I was so proud when he realized that together anything is possible. Helping a child in grade school requires plenty of patience and support for I am constantly attempting different approaches so that he may comprehend. I never quit explaining instructions and persistently push him to believe that the sky is the limit. In the past few weeks he has been able to recite the alphabet and count to thirty without any help. The alphabet was a difficult task for he would always skip letters such as N and P replacing them with T and B. I am not only a student in my eyes but a parent, a mentor, and a proud teacher. As a student I fulfill my part of accomplishing tasks to the best of my abilities and satisfaction. I have taken the opportunity of taking six AP classes as well as a zero period because I felt I was lacking a challenge. I decided to take the privilege of six AP classes so that I may take and pass the AP tests. Although my tenacity may seem demanding I feel fulfilled in life with being occupied constantly.
    Throughout my life I have acted on behalf of my country El Salvador. Raised by a single mother I understood how our land was raided and my people were violated. I admire how my family persistently traveled land to land just to feel security. Being able to understand how my family coped with such a tragic way of life, it influenced me to believe that quitting is not an option. The value on family I hold has inspired me to be the person I am today. Being a persistent individual I am ready to accept future challenges that may be presented to me in order to grow in this game of life. I know being persistent will allow me to go a long way in life. Being persistent results in success and it is a trait few possess. My persistence has allowed me to conquer obstacles that very few to none may accomplish. I seek the success of my baby brother as well as my own so that we may both triumph. Although my life may be overwhelming at times I find strength in my mother’s past struggles. The difficulties of being raised by a single mother who came into this country as a teenager has influenced my entire life. I have realized the loss of opportunities she faced when struggling to learn a language foreign to her. My mother was placed in college preparatory classes and could not feel the satisfaction of challenging herself. Despite not achieving her goal of going to a university she has faith that all her hard work will pay off with me making her proud. My mother always struggled to meet ends meet but has provided Andy and I with the knowledge that she has attained through her journey at life. I will see to it that I meet my goals and pursue a career that makes my family proud. I wish to utilize my success in order to provide an essential example to my brother that education is life. I have attained such motivation and strength by the will power of my mothers and I will succeed in college on behalf of my mother, Andres, and I. My success in life will be utilized to be a leader for my little brother Andy’s sake.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: Please someone fix my essay i have rewritten it 4 times

    Welcome to the forum.

    1) When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    2) Why have you already rewritten it four times?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please someone fix my essay i have rewritten it 4 times

    I'm sorry, mandough, but we cannot help you with an assignment that you need to turn in for a grade. Your teacher needs to see your work, not ours.

    If you receive comments from your teacher that you don't understand, please come back and ask us about them.

    I will provide a couple comments:
    There is no set-up. I don't know what you're writing about. Is it "A day in my life"? Is it "Why I'm so tired all the time"? Is it something else?
    You have not told us who Andy is or why you are responsible for his well-being. Is he your son? Is Andres the same person as Andy? Later you say he's your brother.
    Look up the words "bare" and "bear" and note how they are used.
    Your daily routine starts at 5 am. Then you say it starts at 6:30. (Half past six, by the way.)
    I don't think you "decide" what to do each day by going to that class.
    I also don't understand what being raised by a single mother has to do with understanding how your land was raided and your people violated. That's a total non-sequitor.
    Look up how to form possessive forms.

    Good luck.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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