Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Need help with two pretty short essays

    Hello! I need help with the two following pieces of writing. Could someone pls correct them? I'd be very grateful!
    Thanks!!!

    1. In a free market there is competition between sellers willing to sell their products at the best price and buyers willing to get what they want at the most suitable price. The prices prevailing in the market inevitably fluctuate. Such fluctuations, in their turn, influence current supply and demand. In a perfect market there can be only one price for a given commodity: the lowest price which sellers can accept and the highest which buyers can pay.
    Monopoly is one of the peculiar factors affecting the sale and the purchase of given commodities. In this case there is only one seller or group of sellers prevailing in the market. Their aim is to take control of the prices and set them at the level that suits the monopolists and which can bring them artificially high profit.
    In the USA anti-trust laws operate to restrict monopolistic activity of cartels while in Britain all special arrangements and mergers are closely investigated by the Monopolies Commission.

    2. A.: As you all know, we have gathered here today to discuss the problems that accompany rapid economic growth in various industries. A period of prosperity is often not long and does not cover the costs of growth. Could you say what you consider to be the main reason for the negative consequences of the unemployment among workers who were fired from their jobs as a result of the implementation of computers?
    B.: Perhaps, I could begin by saying that economic growth is a mixed blessing. The implementation of computers surely promotes the growth of effectiveness of labor but replacement of equipment often leads to the necessity of hiring more assistants and firing the old ones.
    A.: Nevertheless, many think that modernization allows getting larger profit, with the income justifying the costs. These costs also cover investments in capital resources. But many people think it is unreasonable to spend money on capital resources. What is your attitude to this?
    B.: No, thatís not true at all. We must bear in mind that economic growth provides the government with educational, ecological, medical and other programs.
    A.: You are completely mistaken if you suggest that economic growth is the solution to all problems. Even though it allows improving the standards of living of many people, economic growth damages the environment, destroys natural resources and makes the difference between classes of society even more marked.

    Thank you so much for taking the trouble to reply!

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Philippines
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,116
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need help with two pretty short essays

    in their turn- in turn
    Monopoly is- I'd use the plural here, or an indefinite article
    high profit- profits sounds better to me
    In the USA anti-trust laws operate to restrict monopolistic activity of cartels while in Britain all special arrangements and mergers are closely investigated by the Monopolies Commission.- I'd put a comma before 'while'

    2
    we have gathered here today- if this is a presentation/discussion, then this sounds a bit OTT- how about 'we are here today...'
    is often not long- often does not last for long
    The implementation of computers - I'd use introduction or spread
    replacement of equipment - the
    allows getting larger profit- makes it possible to get higher profits?
    allows improving- allows us to improve

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need help with two pretty short essays

    Thank you very much!

    2.
    You're right that this is a presentation/discussion. What if it was, for example, a meeting? Would my sentence be ok?

    And another question: what do you mean by "this sounds a bit OTT". What does 'OTT' mean?

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Philippines
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,116
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need help with two pretty short essays

    OTT = over the top (excessive)
    It sounds like a religious ceremony- Dearly beloved we are gathered here together in the presence of the Lord...- so I would not use it.

    PS Your writing seems better nowadays.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    145
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need help with two pretty short essays

    I don't want to use it either if it sounds like a religious ceremony

    Why do you think that my writing is better nowadays. Better than it was...how long ago?

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Philippines
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,116
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Need help with two pretty short essays

    It reads more naturally to me, but it's hard to say since when as you've been here for quite a while. However, it seems to me that you have got the hang of well-connected arguments, like the use of 'such fluctuations', will make the text flow better. I teach academic writing in the UK, so I get to read a lot of essays on a lot of subjects, and this struck me as a good piece.

Similar Threads

  1. short of + noun/adj
    By MadHorse in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-Mar-2006, 15:33
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 24-Sep-2005, 21:03
  3. anyone have any idea about these essays?
    By joetmh in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 11-Nov-2003, 20:17

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •