I'm writing a personal statement in order to apply to some Msc Finance in Uk and Ireland. Can somebody please revise it? If you have any suggestion regarding the english or the structure, please let me know. I will really appreciate it.
I especially have doubts about the form of the "Since from high school..." paragraph and the last part of the following one. Thank you in advance!
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to apply for the Master in Investment management program at the XXX Business School starting in the autumn of 2014.
My career ambition is to became a fund manager in an asset management firm. In order to reach my objective, I want to acquire the advanced knowledge necessary to manage, structure and monitor investment portfolios.
I am completing a comprehensive undergraduate degree in Economics and Commerce at the University of XXX, Italy, where I will graduate in april 2014 with an expected average grade score above 107 out of 110.
Since from high school I started developing a strong international mindset, joining two weeks long exchange programs in Finland and Spain. Just admitted to University, my strong academic performance and motivation ensured me a nine months Erasmus scholarship at University XXX, XXX Business School for year 2011/2012, where I had the opportunity to improve my English and establish lifelong networks.
As a challenge lover, I am always looking for new inspiring experiences. In fact, while still in Ireland, I organized my free mover exchange program for the following year 2012/2013 at XXX University, Spain, because I wanted to learn the second most spoken language in the world. Being the first student of my university having ever joined this program, I had to face with several bureaucratic issues. Moreover, I had to learn Spanish very quickly in order to attend class. Despite all, I am proud of the perseverance I showed, it permitted me overcoming difficulties and is helping other students now joining the same program with a clear bureaucratic framework.
Complementing my strong international background is my first-class academic record. Due to my excellent result in Financial Mathematics course at XXX University, Professor XXX gave me the opportunity to sit for the Bloomberg Assessment Test, normally reserved for Master in Finance students. Not only I obtained the best score among the 20 master test takers, but I also got outstanding results in Global Markets, Financial Statement Analysis and Math sections.
Always dealing with a dynamic environment, I successfully developed both a teamwork oriented and a more individualistic aptitude. In fact, during the Investment Theory course at XXX University, I successfully managed a four people group-project on Capital Markets Anomalies, realizing how cooperation enhance efficiency. On the other hand, throughout the same course, I won the individual live trading competition with futures and options using real simulating software, obtaining extra points for the final exam.
I want to study at XXX because of your outstanding educational system, focus on combining theory and practice in a successful formula. In fact, your dealing rooms, as well as the other facilities available, will help me gathering invaluable practical experience of financial markets. Moreover, Mr x, a current XXX student, has provided me with his thoughts about the program. From our conversations, I became excited to learn about the courses such as International Securities Markets and Portfolio management.
Furthermore, being XXX Business School Triple Crown accredited and constantly ranked among the top 50 European Business School, my degree will receive a special recognition from the employers.
In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my international background will add diversity to your program.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your positive response.