Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    wasaloga is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Thai
      • Home Country:
      • Thailand
      • Current Location:
      • Thailand
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default (Paragraph Writing : Narrative Paragraph) The Worst Day in My Life

    ::: I practice my writing skill by myself and this is my first task. Please help me check the grammar, spelling and revising my writing. :::

    I'd be grateful if you help me

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house; they were like my only friends. I always spent my free time to look after them attentively. Since they was born until they were 4 months, there was not a day that went by that I didnít saw their faces or heard their voices, and I loved them so much. One day, I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. My heart was beating as though it was going to explode and my body was full of sweat. In that Saturdayís morning, I had to go to study Chinese language with an impartial emotion. While I was on the way, the nightmare popped up on my mind again, and then followed by thinking of my kittens. I cannot concentrate on the class because I was unreasonably concerned about my kittens. When I came back home, everyone in my house was standing at the door and my mom said ďView, your little kittens had dead already. It is an accident, while they were playing at the carís wheels, Miss.Kaew came to her car and drove the car. When the car was moving, the kittens didnít run away from those wheels because they didnít know why their toys moved like that and still stayed at the top of the wheels. At last, they were dead by those wheels.Ē After she had finished speaking, I was crying immediately. Although many years have passed, I still always think of them, my kittens. And here is my worst day of my life; itís the day I lost my three dear friends.

  2. #2
    PeterValk is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Dutch
      • Home Country:
      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    604
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: (Paragraph Writing : Narrative Paragraph) The Worst Day in My Life

    Correction part I
    When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house. They were like my only friends. I spent all of my free time looking after them attentively. Since they were born until they were 4 months old, not a day went by without seeing their faces or hearing their voices, and I loved them so much.


    I'm not a teacher, nor a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help....Any other comments are welcome!

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    23,513
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: (Paragraph Writing : Narrative Paragraph) The Worst Day in My Life

    Quote Originally Posted by wasaloga View Post
    ::: I practise my writing skill by myself and this is my first task. Please help me check the grammar and spelling and please revising revise my writing. ::: (I have no idea what you think ::: means.)

    I'd be grateful if you would help me.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    When I was 15 years old, I had three very lovely kittens in my house; they were like my only friends.

    I always spent all [of] my free time to looking after them attentively.

    Since they was born From birth until they were the age of 4 months, there was not a day that went by that I didn’t saw see their faces or heard hear their voices, and I loved them so much.

    One day Once, I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. (You can't say that it happened "one day" and "in the middle of the night" when referring to the same event.)

    My heart was beating as though it was going to explode and my body was full of I was drenched in sweat.

    In On that Saturday’s Saturday morning, I had to go to study Chinese language with an impartial emotion. feeling calm and unemotional.

    While I was On the way to my class, the nightmare popped up on into my mind again, and then followed by and then I started thinking of my kittens.

    I cannot could not concentrate on the class because I was unreasonably so concerned about my kittens.

    When I came got back home, everyone in my house was standing at the door and my mom said “View, your little kittens had dead already are dead. It is was an accident. While they were playing at near the car’s wheels, Miss (no full stop here) Kaew came to got into her car and drove the car moved off. When the car was started moving, the kittens didn’t run away from those the wheels because they didn’t know understand why their toys moved were moving like that and still so they stayed at the on top of the wheels and they were crushed to death."At last, they were dead by those wheels.”

    After she had finished speaking, I immediately was started crying. immediately Although many years have passed, I still always think of them, my kittens. And here is So that was my the worst day of my life - it’s the day I lost my three dear friends.
    Please see my corrections above to your very sad story.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    wasaloga is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Thai
      • Home Country:
      • Thailand
      • Current Location:
      • Thailand
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: (Paragraph Writing : Narrative Paragraph) The Worst Day in My Life

    Ohhhh! thank you very much for your kindness.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-Jul-2013, 02:22
  2. paragraph --Can you Please check this paragraph writing‎ -‏
    By soofy19 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-Jun-2010, 14:43
  3. [Essay] Please correct paragraph About Thank giving Day!
    By hai_lua_t2 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 28-Aug-2009, 04:49
  4. [Essay] The worst day in my life.
    By bud-bar in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 30-Sep-2008, 23:10

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •