[General] Please help me with my Motivation letter

[Learner always]

Hello!
I am writing a motivation for the very first time.
Please help me rectifying my grammar, language, punctuations and quotation marks.
I wait for your worthful response.


Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you to express my intrest in applying for Master’s Programme of ‘Project Management’ at University of Santiago de Compostela scheduled to commence in September 2014.

Currently, I am studying Construction Technology & Management at NIT Warangal. In my pursuit to master’s I have gained a profound academic profile and hope to continue even in a better way.

My professional goal is to build a set up which would practice an excellent management in all the projects it undertakes. Also, I concieve to endorse ‘Sustainable Development’ through this set up. Your programme will ensure turning my passion into profession. For this reason I would like to take advantage of this priceless opportunity. It would be a privilege to enlighten under your fine guidance.

The first time I realised my passion for construction management was when I assisted my father at his construction site in managing resources, controlling activities and monitoring quality of work during my graduation years. I percieved how an effective management plays life-line to any project. It triggered a keen intrest into me towards construction management. This urge eventually brought home the bacon in the form of top score in first semester of my master’s. Also, I have been organizing events and trips in my undergraduation and received significant praise for my ability to solve problems intellactually and to decide sagely in unforeseen situations.

An another reason which makes me more suitable for this programme is my love towards languages. I remained a scorer in the languages during academics. Due to the grasp in English I was selected as a member of Editorial Committee in my undergraduate and graduate institutions. Award for Proficiency in English makes it even more evident.

I have known Spain by it’s bull fighting, football, food, ‘La Tomatina’ and acquainted with it’s geography, culture through cinema which I would like to experience live. Music stimulated an inceptive liking for Spanish and I will take every opportunity to learn Spanish and Galician. Living, studying and having enjoyment with international scholars would broaden my horizons and will help me to forward culture and customs to our continent.
I would be very grateful if you consider my application and give me a chance to learn under your expertise which would mark my professional and personal development.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely,
XXXX

 

[emsr2d2]

If you're applying for a program at the Universidade de Santiago de Compostela, shouldn't you be writing your letter in Spanish?

 

[Brad D]

Hi there, Uh, I really like looking at writing from ESL students. I'll warn you though, I make a lot of comments, and sometimes my students feel discouraged. Please don't. Remember, writing takes many drafts for it to be something worthy of handing in.

Hello!
I am writing a motivation for the very first time.
Please help me to rectifying my grammar, language, punctuations and quotation marks.
I await your worthy response.


Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you to express my intrest in applying for the Master’s Programme of ‘Project Management’ at the University of Santiago de Compostela scheduled to commence in September 2014.

Currently, I am studying Construction Technology & Management at NIT Warangal. What country? In my pursuit to a Master’s, I have gained a profound academic profile and hope to continue even in a better way. This makes me think that you are going to tell me about the profile, but you don't.

My professional goal is to build a set up build and set up are too similar which would practice an excellent management in all the projects it undertakes. A "set up" does not do anything, so it cannot practice or undertake something. Also, I concieve to endorse ‘Sustainable Development’ through this set up. Your programme will ensure turning my passion into profession. For this reason I would like to take advantage of this priceless opportunity. It would be a privilege to enlighten be enlightened under your fine guidance. Why would this program be good for you? What is special about it? Why not another school? Does it offer sustainable development? Why Spain? Why is this in English?

The first time I realised my passion for construction management was during my graduation years. Is this high school? Uni? Do you mean graduate studies in Uni? I assisted my father at his construction site in managing resources, controlling activities and monitoring the quality of work. I percieved how an effective management plays a crucial role in any project. It triggered a keen intrest in me towards construction management. This urge eventually brought home the bacon Probably don't want to use casual idioms in this formal paper in the form of top score in the first semester of my Master’s. Also, I have been organizing s and z, br Eng or Am Eng, be consistent events and trips in my undergraduation undergrad years and received significant praise for my ability to solve problems intellactually and to decide sagely make wise decisions in unforeseen situations. Is this Past, or still happening? I organized Make sure that you follow good time order, high school, undergrad, graduate, or I'm confused

An another reason which makes me more suitable for this programme is my love towards languages. More suitable than whom? Languages? Do you speak Spanish? How will Spanish help you in your career? I remained a scorer in the languages during academics. Due to the my grasp in of English, I was selected as a member of the Editorial Committee in both my undergraduate and graduate institutions. Only a member? Who selected you? Are they important/powerful? Award for Proficiency in English makes it even more evident. I have also received an Award for Proficiency.

I have known Spain by it’s bull fighting, football, food, ‘La Tomatina’ and acquainted with it’s geography, culture through cinema which I would like to experience live. Music stimulated an inceptive liking for Spanish and I will take every opportunity to learn Spanish and Galician. Living, studying and having enjoyment with international scholars would broaden my horizons and will help me to forward culture and customs to our continent.
I would be very grateful if you consider my application and give me a chance to learn under your expertise which would mark my professional and personal development. Why is this important? How will this help your career?

Okay, you need to be more specific about your goal. You need to link this school's program to YOUR goal. You need to research the program and find specific classes, clubs, activities, achievements, famous people etc. that will give you an edge over other people in your field once you are in the workforce. You need to be more specific about the activities that you have done in the past that will ensure your success at this school. Is it taught in English? How is your Spanish?
so,
1. who you apply to and where you are now. 2. what you want to do. 3. what you did in the past to qualify you. 4. how THIS school will take you farther
You need to think of larger organization and information. Look online for some templates for motivational letters. Have more clear topic sentences.
Rewrite this and give another post. Brad

 

[Learner always]

Dear Brad D,
Thanks for your cooperation. I will re-write and post it here, again.
The university has emphasized specially on the English as medium of instruction will be English. I would be writing it in British English.

 

[Learner always]

@emsr2d2, The letter has to be in English only.

 

[Learner always]

Dear Brad D,
I have re-written the letter and tried to correct it as you recommended. Could you please see to it?

MOTIVATION LETTER
I am writing to you to express my interest (it is showing ‘interest’ in Br dictionary) in applying for the Master’s Programme of ‘Project Management’ (Please check the punctuations & put them where required) at the University of Santiago de Compostela scheduled to commence in September 2014.

Currently, I am studying Construction Technology & Management at NIT Warangal, India. In my pursuit to a Master’s, I have gained a profound academic profile and hope to continue even in a better way.(How should I re-write the previous sentence? Or shall I delete the it?)
My professional goal is to establish a firm which would practice an excellent management in all the projects it undertakes. Also, I conceive to endorse ‘Sustainable Development’ through this set up. By going through the courses I found that ‘sustainable development’ is aimed in each course of this programme. Your programme will ensure turning my passion into profession. For this reason I would like to take advantage of this priceless opportunity. It would be a privilege be enlightened under your fine guidance. (There is very little information available regarding this programme).
Why not another school? Why Spain? Please help me answer these 2 questions.

The first time I realized my passion for construction management was when I assisted my father at his construction sites in managing resources, controlling activities and monitoring the quality of work during the graduation years. I perceived how an effective management plays a crucial role in any project. It triggered a keen intrest in me towards construction management. My internships acted as a fuel to the fire. This urge eventually brought home the bacon (what shall be used rather than this idiom, please) in the form of top score in the first semester of my Master’s. Also, I have been organizing events and trips in my undergrad course and received significant praise for my ability to solve problems intellectually (Br dictionary showing this spelling for ‘intellectually’) and to make wise decisions in unforeseen situations. (This is past. Now its not happening, therefore I used ‘organized’)

An another reason which makes me suitable for this programme is my love for languages. How will Spanish help you in your career? (Spanish would be helpful while working in Spain or working abroad. How should I write an effective answer to your question?) I remained a scorer in the languages during academics. Due to the my grasp of English, I was selected as a member of the Editorial Committee in both my undergraduate and graduate institutions. (Yes, I was selected as a member only. Incharge of commitees selected me. They are important persons). I have also received an Award for Proficiency. (I received this award in standard 6 should I mention that as this achievement is too old (appx. 11 yrs. before).

I have known Spain by it’s bull fighting, football, food, ‘La Tomatina’ and acquainted with it’s geography, culture through cinema which I would like to experience live. Music stimulated an inceptive liking for Spanish and I will take every opportunity to learn Spanish as it is a widely spoken language which would help in international trade and communications. Living, studying and having enjoyment with international scholars would broaden my horizons and will help me to share your culture and customs to fellow Indians.
I would be very grateful if you consider my application and give me a chance to learn under your expertise which would mark my professional and personal development.Why is this important? How will this help your career? (I wrote this paragraph to say that I am interested to visit Spain and learn Spanish but I am really in a doubt with this paragraph. What shall I do?)
I would be grateful if you consider my application and give me a chance to learn under your expertise which would mark my professional and personal development.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely,
Kunal Mangal


(-Medium of instruction is available in all these languages- English, Spanish, Galician.
-“This programme is about project management and that is what I want to do in future. That’s why I have selected this programme only.” Does this answer defines my goal clearly?
- They have not emphasized on sustainable development at all in their programmes. So, shall I delete the whole thing regarding this?
-I didn’t find much about the programme’s specific classes, clubs, activities, achievements, famous people etc.)

 

[Brad D]

Hey there!

I'm glad that I am able to assist you. I'm sorry that I've not replied sooner. I've had a bit of trouble with the comptuer access. I like the changes that you've made so far! Things are more clear. Give me a little more time to reply more. Something you can change is "an another." "other" is the word. You have "another," or "the other." "bring the fuel to the fire" is sufficient. Delete "bring home the bacon." "Punctuation" is a non-count noun, so it should not be plural, "punctuations." "Interest" is the correct spelling. I think that was just a type-o "Intrest." When people pronounce the word, they use two syllables rather than three, but good for you to look it up! There might be a spell checker on the device you are using. See if there is one. Definitely include the concept of the "selection committe" That's important. I don't know what "standard 6" means. How many levels are there?

I'll get back to you ASAP. I'm happy that you are going to Galicia! I/we understand now why you are writing in English, so that's clear. Why not another school? Well, because this school has sustainable development, so that's clear now. Why Spain? Do you want to work in Spain? Have you experience with people from there? Why did you decide this school, or, how did you find out about it? Was it through another person, or were you checking schools online, a library or another resource? Did someone recommend it to you? Have you already started to learn Spanish? I like the idea of bringing culture from Spain back to India. People like to share culture.

I'll post a little more later,

Brad

 

[Learner always]

Thank you for your valuable suggestions Mr. Brad D.
Actually, my college has offered a foreign exchange programme for particular universities abroad through which I am able to apply. I will post the final letter soon. Date to submit the letter is approaching fast.

 

[Brad D]

Hey there,

I think that your letter looks good. I forgot something though. The idiom "add fuel to the fire" means that you are very angry. "fire" means anger, so adding more fuel to it means that you are even more angry. Sorry that I didn't mention that before. The idiom that you're looking for is "fueled my desire." "Desire" is positive, and adding fuel to it means that you have an increased desire. I hope I caught this in time!!!!

Looking forward to the final, clean letter!

Brad D

 

[Learner always]

Dear Mr. Brad D,
I m posting the letter again. Please see to it.

MOTIVATION LETTER

Dear concerned,

I am writing to you to express my interest in applying for the Master’s Programme of ‘Project Management’ at the University of Santiago de Compostela scheduled to commence in September 2014.

Currently, I am studying Construction Technology & Management at NIT Warangal, India, which is one of the leading institutes of India in the field of Engineering and Technology. In my pursuit, I have gained a sound academic profile and hope to continue in a better way. In order to secure my admission I secured 97.27 percentile in Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering (GATE 2013) in which more than 67.5K students appeared for the civil engineering test.

My professional goal is to establish a firm which would practice excellent management in all the civil engineering projects it undertakes. Your programme will ensure turning my passion into profession. The course content in ‘Project Management’ at your university is whole by itself. I understand from the course content that I will be exposed to the frontier areas like ‘Information management and Project Communications’, ‘Risk Management’ and ‘Quality Management’ at your university which aren’t covered in my current programme. I feel it is a great privilege to get trained under your esteemed guidance with such a skillful and professional approach.

My graduation college has played a major role in laying the foundation stone for a strong base in civil engineering. I learnt the application of technical knowledge through the following internships and projects:
- During the minor internship at a residential township project I learnt the fine nuances of civil works.
- During the major training at ‘Six Lanning of National Highway No. 3’ I learnt the manoeuvers in construction of roads, bridges and underpasses. Apart from that I performed various requisite lab tests on the materials used in that project.
- In the minor project on ‘Design of an Earthfill Dam’ on the river Omkareshwar, I put into practice almost all the knowledge of civil engineering I gained until then.
- My major project was an extension to the minor project in which I performed ‘Stability Analysis of the Earthfill Dam’ previously designed. This project geared my knowledge and ideas to the next level. It was regarded the best of all the projects in my batch.
- Also, I have experience of visits to three bridge sites and two dams located in different parts of India which were sponsored by my college.

The first time I realized my passion for construction management was when I assisted my father at his construction sites in managing resources, controlling activities and monitoring the quality of work during my graduation years. I perceived how an effective management plays a crucial role in any project. Softwares related to project management furnished further clarity to it. It triggered an unanticipated interest into me towards construction management. This urge eventually led me to score the highest grade points in the first semester of my Masters. Also, I have been organizing events and trips in my graduation course and received praises for my ability to solve problems intellectually and to make wise decisions in unforeseen situations.

The Other rationale which makes me suitable for this programme is my love for languages. I was a high scorer in languages during schooling. Due to my grasp of English I was selected as a member of the Editorial Committee in both my undergraduate and graduate institutions. I also received an award for ‘Proficiency in English.’

I have known Spain by its bull-fighting, football, food, ‘La Tomatina’ and acquainted with its geography and rich culture through media which I would like to experience live. Music stimulated an inceptive liking for the Spanish language and despite the course structure being in English, I will take every opportunity to learn Spanish as it is a widely spoken language which would help in international trade and communications. Living and studying with international scholars would broaden my horizons and will help me to share your culture and customs to fellow Indians.

I would be grateful if you consider my application and give me a chance to learn under your elite guidance which would elate my professional and personal development.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely,
XXXX

 

[Brad D]

Hello and Namaste,

WOW! Your letter was very informative. It was very clear! I was so impressed by your achievements to date. To be completely honest, if I were looking for candidates, you would definitely be at the top of my list. It seems that you would have success in the program in Spain, and you would bring honor to their program.

One final thought: "I would be grateful if you would consider" is more appropriate grammar.

It has been a pleasure to see your writing develop. Thank you so much. I would like for you to keep in touch to let me know how things turn out for you. Please use the private messaging service to let me know.

Best wishes and good luck!

Matthew

 

[Learner always]

Namaste Mr. Brad D,
Thank you for the compliments. Your willingness to help an anonymous is really appealing. You spent your valuable time to help me forming the letter for which I am grateful to you.
I will let you know the happenings for sure.
Thank you once again.