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  1. PredaAndrei's Avatar
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    #1

    Talking Can you correct my essay?

    Ursica is my dog.Itís a dog whit golden fur and very big.Last winter was the first winter of his life.The first time when it saw snowflakes it fret , it frolic like a happy kid.
    After the snow was deposited on the ground , Ursica go in the most deep snow , and after he came out you say it was like a snow-dog.
    When I comes out Ursica was jumped immediately on me , put me down in the snow and it donít let me to go.
    I love my dog very much!

    Can you correct that? Thanks :D

  2. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    I have two questions:

    1) Is this homework? If so, please submit it to your teacher and come back with any questions or doubt you may have about the corrections s/he made.
    2) Are you really a Retired Academic? If so, please forgive me and ignore this question altogether.
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

  3. PredaAndrei's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Isn't my homework and no , i'm not a retired academic :d That essay i did it alone because i want to improve my english :D and i want to see my mistakes:)

  4. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by PredaAndrei View Post
    It I isn't my homework and no[no space], I'm not a retired academic :d That essay I did it alone because I want to improve my English :D and I want to see my mistakes:)
    OK then, I highlighted some for you there.

    Next post will see through the passage.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 20-Jan-2014 at 17:32. Reason: typo
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

  5. PredaAndrei's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by charliedeut View Post
    OK then, I highlighted some for you there.

    Next post will see through the passage.
    And my essay?can you correct it?

  6. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by PredaAndrei View Post
    Ursica is my dog.[space]Itís a dog whit golden fur and very big. [I would say: "It's (or he's) very big and has golden fur"]
    Last winter was the first winter of his life. I believe "... the first one of his life." would be better.
    The first time when ["that" or no relative] it he saw snowflakes it he fretted , it and frolicked like a happy kid.
    Give me a second to check the rest.
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

  7. PredaAndrei's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by charliedeut View Post
    Give me a second to check the rest.
    Ok:)

  8. charliedeut's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by PredaAndrei View Post
    After the snow was deposited settled on the ground[in my opinion, this is unnecessary][no space], Ursica went (to play, for example) go in the most (deep) snow[no space], and after he came out back you say have said it he was likea snow-dog.

    When I comes out Ursica was jumped always/usually jumps immediately on me[no space], puts me down in the snow and it ["he" or no subject, as we are still speaking of Ursica] wonít let me to go.
    I love my dog very much!
    There you go. Maybe native speakers/teachers can helps us both polish it.
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

  9. PredaAndrei's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by charliedeut View Post
    There you go. Maybe native speakers/teachers can helps us both polish it.
    Thank you and I must to be more carefully next time...(many mistakes) Thank you again :)
    Last edited by PredaAndrei; 20-Jan-2014 at 18:48.

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    #10

    Re: Can you correct my essay?

    After the snow had settled on the ground, Ursica dived into the deepest snow and after he came back out you might have thought he was a snow dog.
    When I come out Ursica immediately jumps up to me, pushes me down into the snow and won’t let me go.
    I love my dog very much!

    A bit more concise.
    (and now we all wait for the experts to make their appearance)

    Peter
    (I'm not a teacher or a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help...)

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