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  1. amandacochran's Avatar
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    #1

    Question How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    1. In the event there is an emergency we will contact your emergency contact listed.

  2. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    Quote Originally Posted by amandacochran View Post
    1. In the event there is an emergency we will contact your emergency contact listed.
    "If you have an emergency, we will inform your emergency contact."

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    Even briefer:
    We will inform your emergency contact of any emergency.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  4. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    Even briefer:
    We will inform your emergency contact of any emergency.
    Yes, I was going to write something similar, but the organization will not inform an individual's contact about emergencies that do not involve that individual.

  5. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    True enough
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    In the event of an emergency, we will contact your nominated "Emergency Contact" immediately.

    I realise that probably can't be described as brief, but I would have thought that given the context, it's important to get all the relevant information across, no matter how many words it takes.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 05-Feb-2014 at 21:15.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #7

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    Welcome to the forums, Amanda.

    For future reference, please note this extract from the Posting Guidelines:

    'Thread titles should include all or part of the word/phrase being discussed.'

    Emergency contact would have been a better (and briefer) title for this thread.



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    #8

    Re: How would you rewrite the sentence below for brevity and professionalism:

    I think the briefest is unsaid completely.

    Why else would you ask someone for an emergency contact if you were not planning to contact that person in the event of an emergency?

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