Can anyone check that for me,please?
****The question is attached as a .jpg file below.****
Maintain world peace,teensNeedless to say,in Hong Kong,people are living in bliss . Our technology is modern , we have enough food to eat and the most important thing is that there is absence of war. When we read news , we are not surprised people have a poor life in other countries , which are surrounded by numerous conflicts ,rows, wars and hatred . They are so far away from peace.
Without world peace, people live very harsh.For instance, people's family may beark and we lose our properties or even our loved's life when there is a war.Every day , we need to worry about if our life will be taken .Living in such a dangerous and hopeless place, how can people thrive on it and live happily?World peace, however, is not merely the absence of war or hatred, but also the presence of cooperation , compassion and worldwide justice between all countries .Lack of cooperation and compassion can lead to conflicts easily and worldwide justice can maintain world peace by stop any countries from making troubles. No peace is equal to the absence of happiness and bliss, we will not be satisified mentally.
But, how can we maintain world peace as we are only youngsters living in a small part of the Earth?The answer is to promote our international understanding. As teenagers are the future adults ,a role essential to bulid up society , we must gain our worldwide knowledge .When we consider both sides of the rows, it is much more easily to tackle the problems. Therefore, promoting our international understanding can help.
One convenient and effective way to acheive this goal is to read newspaper or international magazines.Via the press ,different opinions from different backgrounds and culutures can be read , helping us be open-minded to listen to different voices.The information in newspaper or international magazines is up-to-date.Therefore, we can catch the trend of the world.Keeping our mind open ,you can see that many conflicts are made by the egos of humans only.
Another way is to join the exchange programme.When we travel to a country,we get the best chance to know more about the country. The commmunication with the local people make us know what they are thinking directly.Also, we can make more friends from different culutrues , swapping our thoughts and discuss with them on issues to enrich our knowledge on intennational understandings.
Making netfriends can achieve this goal,too. We can find express our feelings to people in other countries easily since a computer is the only thing we need. As the use of computer is popluar nowadays , we can contact to many people from differents places . Talk to them and listen to them ,you can widen your mind.
On the whole,ALL of which is to say that ending rows is the only method to maintain world peace.Once we know more about different cultures , people with different race can work together.Hence, as a hope for the future,youth really need to promote international understandings. You may wonder if there is much you can do,but if everyone do it,it helps in maintainence of world peace. To live in a peaceful and harmony world, plesase do not just sit back,it concerns every individual-of course, including teens!
****Please do check any worng spellings and grammatical mistakes.Also,please take a look if my points are relevant.Thanks a lot!
Can anyone check that for me,please?
1 The title talks about world peace, so the part about life in Hong Kong doesn't seem relevant to me. You jump in with 'needless to say', but who is your target audience- the United Nations.
Paragraph 3- You say international cooperation can help, but this is assumed in the question. You shouldn't be discussing whether it helps, but the ways in which you can achieve it.
Pargarph 4&5 These are a list of pints- there's no real reason for the paragraph break. You should think through your list and group them logically- how about dividing them between passive ones like reading and active ones like exchange programs.
ALL- don't use capital letter like this in an essay.
! Don't use exclamation marks in this kind of writing.
Thank you very much!