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    • Join Date: Apr 2006
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    #1

    a specially experience

    my English it is poor, please help me check it.

    Once upon a time when I was six years old, I got up early and wore my beautiful hat waited for my mother because she said she would take with me to have breakfast. I was happily gone with her. We went in the street that my mother usually walked with me to her shop. There were a lot of people went around. I hold strain my motherís finger. There were different kinds of people sold their goods between the streets. I looked them and walked follow my mother. In that time, I crashed a man, he wore a black coat. I looked at my mother after that I felt nervous because the woman who I hold did not my mother. Immediately, I loosened my hand and looked around. I felt scared and walked hurried. I did not know how long I was looking for my mother, I wanted to cay but I tolerated. Fortunately, I met my aunt, she saw me walking alone in the street, brought me to my motherís shop. At last, I did not remember what the other asked for me, I remember that when I saw my mother I was crying loudly.


    • Join Date: Apr 2006
    • Posts: 6
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    #2

    Re: a specially experience

    is there someone can help me to correct it?

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
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      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
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    #3

    Re: a specially experience

    Once upon a time- I would just say 'When I was six...'
    I got up early and wore my beautiful hat waited for my mother- this needs some punctuation and 'and' needs to be moved. Also, 'put on' would be better than 'wore' as it is an action
    she would take with me - unnecessary preposition
    I was happily gone with her.- this should be active- I went happily
    There were a lot of people went- use -ing form
    I hold strain my motherís finger- I held my mother's hand firmly
    kinds of people sold- -ing form
    between the streets- wrong preposition
    I looked them- preposition missing
    walked follow- I'd just say 'followed'
    In that time, I crashed a man- wrong time phrase and a preposition missing
    man, he wore- a man wearing
    who I hold did not my mother- who I was holding was
    walked hurried- adverb
    I did not know- present tense
    I wanted to cay but I tolerated- cry?? and 'tolerated' is wrong- try 'managed not to'
    I met my aunt, she- aunt; she
    street, brought- street and took
    At last, I did not remember- present tense, and 'at last' should probably be 'lastly'
    asked for me- no preposition

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