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  1. #1
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    Talking Please correct my homework

    Hi everyone,

    I am looking for someone who could correct my homework. It is very important for me.

    Thanks in advance for your help!


    My dissertation is about the immediate impact the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001 had on the American society. Never had any country experienced such a devastating wave of attacks before. Nearly 3,000 civilians, firefighters and police officers died. The attacks were all the more amazing that hit targets were major symbols of the financial and military power of the United States. Everything turned upside down in a few hours. Americans became suddenly aware that their country was no longer invincible despite its power superiority.


    My first part is about the impact on the population.


    1. The attacks have sorely affected the American population, with an estimated 90 per cent who suffered from at least one stress symptom. It manifested generally itself in insomnia, anxiety, depression, aggressive feelings or trouble controlling emotions. As it can be expected, the New York City metropolitan area recorded a higher level of stress than elsewhere in the country.

    2. Besides this moral anguish, the attacks gave birth to an unprecedented dash of generosity with an estimated 70 per cent who gave blood, volunteered their time or donated money to charities for victims of the attacks. In the hours and days following the tragedy crowds of Americans lined up in front of medical centers to donate blood as a very personal manner to support and help victims. The number of first-time donors increased by 5 percent compared to the four weeks preceding the attacks. Charities raised over $2 billion to provide financial assistance to affected individuals and communities. As for it, the federal government took charge of the infrastructure recovery.

    3. The strong emotions caused by the attacks strengthened significantly patriotism and generated a national feeling with an estimated 96 per cent of people “proud to be American”. This national pride resulted in a spree of patriotic items sales, which set an unprecedented record in the history of the nation.

    Many stores ran out of flags and could not be supplied anymore. While American flags could be bought nowhere, they could be seen everywhere. The Stars and Stripes flew throughout the whole country: in front of houses, official buildings, hotels, shopping malls and stores. It was even attached to the antennas of automobiles and became for some people a piece of cloth. Similarly, every morning before courses begin, children have more recitated the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag in their classrooms.

    Patriotism also manifested itself in a strong support towards President Bush. His popularity which was around 50 per cent in August 2001, soared to 90 per cent. Bush succeeded in rallying the country behind him thanks to his patriotic speeches, boasting the United States itself. But he charmed first of all with its warlike and religious vocabulary which had a strong influence on people.

    4. The events of September 11th have also had a deep impact on how Americans perceive family life. The population who is traditionally well-known for its work-oriented culture, became suddenly more spiritual. Nearly six in ten were thinking more seriously about the “spiritual part of their lives”. It includes mostly an increased role of the family and religion, of course.

    My second part is about the consequences of the attacks on authorities.

    First, the country was completely paralysed during a few days.

    As a precaution, airports, bridges and tunnels and subways of New York City and Washington D.C. were closed off and all strategic sites were evacuated, including federeal offices. Members of the White House and Capitole were also evacuated as a precaution and transported to a safe place, under the escort of secret agents armed with automatic rifles. But the most significant measure was undeniably the decision of the Pentagon to deploy five warships and two aircraft carriers from the Naval Station Norfolk, Virginia to protect the East Cost from any further attack. On the West Coast, the international airports of Los Angeles and San Francisco were evacuated as a precaution measure.

    At national level, the American Stock Exchange, the Nasdaq and the New York Stock Exchange remained closed for a six-day period. The largest recreational spots throughout the country such as Disney World, Universal Studios and SeaWorld, as well as the highest skyscrapers became closed. Hundreds of schools, especially those in Maryland and New Jersey neighbor states were evacuated. Concerning transportation, the decision was made to suspend all flights within the American territory, forcing commercial airplanes to ground in Canada until September 13th, 2001. Amtrak, the largest railroad transporter, suspended all its services nationwide, a thing it had never done before. For the first time in its history, the country became completely cut off from the rest of the world. More surprisingly, the American cultural life itself -hated by terrorists- became temporarily interrupted with the cancellation of main sports competitions and the closing of worldwide-known Hollywood studios.

    Second, Americans became aware that despite they represent the world's superpower, they are as much as vulnerable than other nations and perhaps even more exposed to the danger of terrorism because of the hatred their model arouses across the world. 92 per cent of supported new laws to better fight against terrorism. More surprising is that sevent out of ten would accept even if that “meant giving up some of Americans' personal liberties and privacy”. As a response, the Bush administration created the Department of Homeland Security. It gathers twenty two security-related agencies that were formely dispersed, within a single one. But the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the National Security Agency (NSA) are not included even if they cooperate closely with. Of course, I mention the implementation of the Patriot Act in my dissertation.

    Then, Americans, who have always traveled a lot by plane because of the long distances between states became more reluctant. Six in ten were “personally worried about traveling by commercial airplane because of the risk of terrorism”. This made the frequentation of airports decrease, airlines thus had to fire a part of their employees. To compensate for these losses and improve security, the Congress passed the Air Transportation Safety and System Stabilization Act which established the Transport Security Administration (TSA). Among its missions, it reinforced the cockpit doors on commercial aircrafts to avoid any plane hijacking occuring again, published a long list of items prohibited in carry-on baggage, and developped a passenger and baggage screening program.

    Third, the September 11, 2001 attacks marked a sudden shift in American foreign policy. Terrorism became a very serious threat and forced the United States to rethink its existing geopolitic strategy. It became the predominant concern. On September 14, 2001 the Congress passed a joint resolution authorizing the use of military force, in the exercise of legitimate self-defense. As for it, the NATO invoked article V which considers an attack on one member state as an attack on all and requires that all states take action. These two decisions opened the way for a multilateral military intervention led by the United States. I mention the war in Afghanistan, largely supported by the public opinion.

    In my conclusion, I declare that 9/11 will remain a major trauma, but life has not really changed since. On the contrary, there has been a growing polemic over Bush’s foreign policy (notably the war in Iraq) and national security with questions of privacy.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please correct my homework

    We don't correct homework. Here are a few suggestions:
    The attacks- Here you don't say which attacks- I'd give the information to establish to context for the piece.
    90 per cent who suffered - suffering would sound more concise to me
    As it can be expected- unnecessary pronoun

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please correct my homework

    Hi! Thanks for your answer.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please correct my homework

    Another:
    First, the country was completely paralysed during a few days.

    I'm not a fan of such short paragraphs. I would recommend trying to incorporate it into the next, or developing it a bit. Given that a paragraph is supposed to make a complete point, such short ones look underdeveloped.

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