can any body help me >>>please

[torabora]

hi all ,
I'm writing this letter for asking phd position
please review the vocabulary, grammar and anything else in this letter

“Dear Professor xxxxxx,

Hello my name is xx, I am from xx, xxx, where I studied telecommunications-electrical engineering at the xxxx University , I've gotten my master degree in Computer Science from xxxxx, xxxxx . I worked as an Assistant Lecturer in xxxxxx which is one of the most famous Institute in xxxx.
I was awarded a scholarship from the Ministry of Higher Education in xxxx to commit my Doctoral 's Degree in " Computer Science " . This scholarship covers all tuition as well as my every day expenses.
My main academic goal in pursuing a PhD degree is to gain the abilities needed to allow me to become an international-level researcher with highly specialized knowledge and expertise in my field
My research interests are focused on topics like xx , xx, and xx . I already have some experience from my MSc thesis on the topic of “xxxxxxxxxxxxx”.
In my MSc thesis an approach for virtual information integration based on Semantic Web technologies is presented, the system is able to integrate distributed, heterogeneous data sources based on ontologies. This strategy enables a concept-based integration approach, where data is described based on its meaning.

I have passion to acquire the Doctoral Degree at xx in Computer Science. There are several reasons because I would like to carry out my PhD at xx , but the most important are related to the fact that advisors and students carry out their research activities very close each other, what I think it is a great opportunity for students to learn from professors and other students experience and knowledge.

I have explored your department’s website in detail, and it seems like an excellent fit for me. So, I would be super pleased to work under your supervision and joining your research group. Moreover, I am ambitious, a hard worker and very goal orientated.

Finally, I hope I will be admitted at your group to get my dream comes true, So please if you have a place for me let me know.
Best Regards

 

[tedmc]

It is a strain to read the full text in bold letters.

Please pay attention to these:

- paragraph spacing
- capitalisation where appropriate
-punctuations
-no short forms for formal letters

 

[emsr2d2]

I have edited the post so that it's not in bold and so that the font size is the same throughout the post.

 

[eleni_d]

I wouldn't start the first paragraph with the word "Hello". You've already greeted them, using the phrase "Dear Professor...". And some comments regarding the content:
-You may want to provide some reasons why you think you're a great fit for them, too. What kind of skills do you have that may be interested in?
-Saying you're ambitious, hard worker etc. isn't enough unless you've some kind of proof to support such statements. Try to find examples from your CV or say that you could provide references from your previous supervisors or professors from your university.

 

[emsr2d2]

Don't use "I've gotten my Masters ...". Use "I obtained my Masters ..." or "I graduated in [subject]...".