[Application] Proof read for intention letter

[maggiehm]

Hi everyone!
Please help me for proofreading my intention letter for the application of master's degree.. Thank you very much!!!!


Dear Sir/Madam,

With this letter I wish to state my motivation for entrance to the Master’s program in XXXX at the XXXX for the 2015/16 academic year. I have been aspiring to be part of this department for a long time now since I am aware that it provides the best education and environment for non-technical Fashion studies.

I am completing my last year of Bachelor’s degree in XXXXX at the XXXXXX. I have been studying Fashion history, culture and art since the first year of my degree. I found these areas appealing as they provide the best explanation of the current fashion trend. My desire is to discover more about these domains to fully appreciate the multi-cultural and international environments of nowadays.

I have been a research assistant at my university and it introduces me to academia. Experimenting and data mining were my main duties that taught me patience and perseverance. I am convinced that to be an academic researcher or a teacher is the most direct way to apply your knowledge.

I have also had experience of studying and living in XXX. I finished a 6-month exchange study in XXXXX. From my participation, I believe that XXXX is an excellent place in fashion field, with its first-rate brands like XXX and XXXX and a society that quickly integrates the latest trends. I, furthermore, truly appreciate the XXXX university system which puts the student as a first concern. I am looking forward to discovering XXXXXX further, living among its friendly people in urbanized cities with stunning views. XXXX, because of its dynamism, is the city that I would like to study in.

If I am chosen as a master’s student at your university, I will be dedicated to reach my long-term goals. These goals include career advancement, improvement on professional knowledge about Fashion as well as contributing to the fashion industry. I want to be part of your department’s faculty to devote for the opportunity you have given me, if permitted.

I am grateful for having this chance to apply as a student in your university. I seek for a master’s degree in order to refine my knowledge and skills in Fashion aspect and the Master’s study at your university will be the most rational expansion of my academic pursuits and a major footstep towards attaining. I will be able to achieve my goals and enrich my knowledge to improve my skills further.

Yours Faithfully,


Thanks once again!!

 

[Tarheel]

I don't think "fashion" is a proper noun. Have you read some of the other letters in this section?

 

[madhavamp]

HOW TO WRITE C.V.

 

[Tarheel]

I have been a research assistant at my university, and that experience introduced me to the academic world. Experimenting and data mining were my main duties, and by doing those things I learned patience and perseverance.