Motivation letter -Master Application

[nelson_mendoza]

Please if you can correct or give some tips. These is a motivation letter for a master application

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I have graduated from XXXXXXX in Asuncion, Paraguay from which I received a B. Eng. diploma with the qualification of Industrial Engineer in the year 2010.

During my college years I gained knowledge and experience in classroom, laboratory and in practice. My final project to graduate was studying the feasibility of installing a Jatropha processing industry in Paraguay. The aim of the study was to verify whether the oil obtained from this plant (Jatropha) was suitable for use as a feedstock for biodiesel production.

After graduating I started working in a company dedicated to electromechanical projects, most of them were elaborated for the naval industry. My early work was in the manufacturing methodology area; my responsibility was the preparation and control of documents required for the construction and assembly procedures of the steel barge. After some time I was assigned a new project, it consisted of the design of tank barge for fuel carriage. What was new in this project was the need to adapt the construction of the barge and the equipment to the ABS (American Bureau of Shipping) firefighting and fire safety rules. Until that moment my knowledge about fire safety was due to some classes I took at college but never fully understood how design influence the prevention and suppression of fires. This project really opened my mind about this field in particular and at the end of it I realized how critical and important is the application of engineering principles in the design of firefighting systems, one thing is knowing and applying the regulations, codes and standards, and another very different but essential, is to know and apply the fundamentals, methods and technologies of fire protection engineering in order to create safe environments.

Studying a master has always been a dream to me but I had never decided on which area to focus until now. I believe to have all the necessary aptitudes along with an attitude to pursue a master degree in the fire engineering field.

Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained through these years in my workplace. In today’s world, one has to be equipped with knowledge, experience, as well as ambition; that is why studying an international master is the key that would provide the necessary tools to be ahead and stand out anywhere.

Finally, I would like to say that getting to teaching it's my ultimate goal, not only to pass my knowledge in class butt also advising students in conducting researches in this area.

Thank you very much for considering my application.
Yours Faithfully,

 

[José Manuel Rosón Bravo]

[Not a teacher]

Welcome to the forum, but I seriously doubt that any member of this forum is going to correct your letter.

Why don't you try to split the text in different parts, sentences or even phrases to ask for specific doubts?

 

[Tarheel]

I am doing this just to prove Jose wrong. ;-)

This is a motivation letter for a master application

Okay, what is a master application?

I have graduated from XXXXXXX in Asuncion, Paraguay from which I received a B. Eng. diploma with the qualification of Industrial Engineer in the year 2010.

If it is the name of the course, then you capitalize it, but otherwise industrial engineer is not a proper noun.

During my college years I gained knowledge and experience in the classroom, in the laboratory and in practice. My final undergraduate project was studying the feasibility of installing a Jatropha processing industry in Paraguay. The aim of the study was to verify whether the oil obtained from this plant (Jatropha) is suitable for use as a feedstock for biodiesel production.

 

[José Manuel Rosón Bravo]

I am doing this just to prove Jose wrong. ;-)

Thanks Tarheel, I was eager for someone to prove me wrong.

 

[Tarheel]

By naval industry do you mean shipbuilding?

(I'll come back and look at it more later. If you post something that will help me find it.)

 

[Tarheel]

After graduating I started working at a company dedicated to electromechanical projects, most of which were elaborated for the naval industry. My early work was in the manufacturing methodology area; my responsibility was the preparation and control of documents required for the construction and assembly procedures of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] steel barges. After some time I was assigned a new project. It consisted of the design of tank barges for fuel carriage. What was new in this project was the need to adapt the construction of the barge and the equipment to conform to the ABS (American Bureau of Shipping) firefighting and fire safety rules. Until that moment my knowledge about fire safety was due to some classes I took at college but I never fully understood before how design influences the prevention and suppression of fires. This project really opened my mind about this field in particular and at the end of it I realized how critical and important is the application of engineering principles in the design of firefighting systems. One thing is knowing and applying the regulations, codes and standards, and another very different but essential thing is to know and apply the fundamentals, methods and technologies of fire protection engineering in order to create safe environments.

By naval industry, I think you are talking about shipbuilding. By fuel carriage do you mean shipping fuel? (For example, oil?) (When you need a period (full stop) use that and not a comma.)

 

[Tarheel]

Studying a master has always been a dream to me but I had never decided on which area to focus until now. I believe to have all the necessary aptitudes along with an attitude to pursue a master degree in the fire engineering field.

I think that when you say "studying a master" you are talking about earning a master's degree. Am I right?

Given my [STRIKE]past[/STRIKE] history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained through these years in my workplace. In today’s world, one has to be equipped with knowledge, experience, and ambition; that is why studying an international master is the key that would provide the necessary tools to be ahead and stand out anywhere.

Finally, I would like to say that becoming a teacher is my ultimate goal, not only to pass my knowledge on to others, but also teaching students how to conduct research in this area.

Thank you very much for considering my application.
Yours Faithfully,

I don't know how much it will help you to praise yourself so highly. It might go over well, and it might not.