[Grammar] could anyone help me to check my writing ? 3t

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Vincen't Wong

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Hi teacher,
I just finished a new writing, I hope that i can get your instruction again.

Topic:
The average weight of a Form 3 student’s school bag is now 5kg.Your school has organized a campaign to lighten school bring unnecessary items to school. However, you feel that students are not the only ones responsible for the weight problem. Write a letter to the editor saying what you think should be done by textbook publishers schools and/or students to improve the situation. Sign your name Chris Wong

Dear editor,
I am writing to express my concerns about the problem of overweight school bags of students. As the average weight of a form 3 student’s school bag is now 5kg. I am of the view that textbook publishers, schools and students have responsibilities for the problem. I would like to offer some suggestions for them to improve the situation.

To begin with, many schools have not enough lockers or a special location for students to store their books. It is common to see that there are more than 2 students sharing a locker because school did not place enough lockers. Their lockers were always full so students had no choice but to bring textbooks to home from school. Also, a number of schools have an unreasonable school rule which is not allowing student to leave books in classroom. Kids have to comply with the rule. Otherwise, they will be punished. That is the reason why their school bags are always full and heavy. Apart form this, school teachers used to give students a lot of assignment, homework and tests. If you check their student handbooks, you will surprise that their schedule are always full. Students thus needed to bring many textbooks and homework to home for revisions. I hope that school should place more lockers in school and reduce the amount of homework and tests for students so that they no longer need to carry too many things going and leaving school everyday.

Besides, students have responsibilities as well. They should tidy up their books in the school bags everyday. Some students were too lazy because they never thought about which books they needed or didn’t need for the next day lessons. They just put all the books into the school bag and then go sleep. As a result, they should cultivate the habit of tidying up school days to lighten the weight. In addition, students should use or buy light schoolbags with higher quality. Parents need to force them to use light backpacks such as SPI instead of heavy school bags with cartoon icons. Although they are expensive, it is worthwhile to reduce the weight of school bags and improve student’s health.

Also, I think that textbooks publisher can do something to improve the problem. Textbook’s paper are usually more heavy than normal white paper because textbooks’ papers containing plastic to improve it’s quality and toughness. It can help publisher to sell it at a higher price. I hope that they could not use this method anymore to print out textbooks. It is not only not environmentally friendly, but also increasing the school bags’ weight.

Students are valuable assets, we should try our best to improve the situation including building more lockers, reducing homework and tests, using light paper to make books and light backpacks, and tidying up books in school bags everyday. I hope my suggestions would be helpful to solve the problem.

Yours faithfully,
Chris Wong
 

teechar

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Dear editor, I am writing to express my concerns about the problem of overweight school bags [STRIKE]of students[/STRIKE], as the average weight of a form-3 student’s school bag is now 5kg. I am of the view that textbook publishers, schools and students bear the responsibility [STRIKE]have responsibilities[/STRIKE] for [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE] this problem. I would like to offer some suggestions for them to improve the situation.

To begin with, many schools have not enough lockers or any special locations for students to store their books in. It is common to see [STRIKE]that there are[/STRIKE] more than 2 students sharing a locker because their schools do not [STRIKE]place[/STRIKE] provide enough lockers. Under such circumstances, as their lockers were always full, [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] students had no choice but to bring their textbooks [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE]home from school. Also, a number of schools have an unreasonable school rule which is not allowing student to leave books in the classroom, and students have to comply with the rule. Otherwise, they will be punished. That is the reason why their school bags are always full and heavy. Apart form this, school teachers [STRIKE]used to[/STRIKE] often give students a lot of assignments, homework and tests. If you check their student handbooks, you will be surprised that their schedules are always full. Students thus need[STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] to bring many textbooks and much homework [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE]home for revision[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE]. I [STRIKE]hope[/STRIKE] believe that schools should place more lockers [STRIKE]in school[/STRIKE] and reduce the amount of homework and tests for students so that they no longer need to carry too many books and other school items [STRIKE]things [/STRIKE]on their way to and from [STRIKE]going and leaving[/STRIKE] school everyday.

Besides, students have responsibilities as well. They should tidy up the contents of their school bags everyday. Some students [STRIKE]were[/STRIKE] are too lazy and don't think [STRIKE]because they never thought[/STRIKE] about which books they need[STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] or don't [STRIKE]didn’t[/STRIKE] need for the next day's lessons. They just put all the books into the school bag and then go to sleep. As a result, they should cultivate the habit of tidying up their school bags [STRIKE]days [/STRIKE]to lighten the weight. In addition, students should use or buy light and better quality schoolbags[STRIKE] with higher quality[/STRIKE], and their parents [STRIKE]need to force[/STRIKE] should encourage them to use light backpacks such as SPI instead of heavy school bags [STRIKE]with cartoon icons[/STRIKE]. Although they [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] may be expensive, it is worthwhile buying them to reduce the weight [STRIKE]of school bags [/STRIKE]and improve the student’s health.

[STRIKE]Also, [/STRIKE]I also think that textbook[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] publishers can do something to alleviate [STRIKE]improve[/STRIKE] the problem. Textbook[STRIKE]’s[/STRIKE] paper [STRIKE]are [/STRIKE] is usually heavier [STRIKE]more heavy[/STRIKE] than normal white paper because textbook[STRIKE]s’[/STRIKE] paper[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] contains plastic to improve [STRIKE]it’s[/STRIKE] quality and toughness, and that often [STRIKE]It can[/STRIKE] helps publishers to sell books [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] at a higher price. However, I think [STRIKE]I hope[/STRIKE] that they should [STRIKE]could [/STRIKE]not use this method anymore to print [STRIKE]out [/STRIKE]textbooks. It is not only not environmentally friendly, but it also increases the [STRIKE]school bags’[/STRIKE] weight of school bags.

[STRIKE]Students are valuable assets[/STRIKE] In summary, I believe that we should try our best to improve the situation [STRIKE]including[/STRIKE] by providing [STRIKE]building [/STRIKE]more lockers, reducing homework and tests, using light paper to make books, [STRIKE]and [/STRIKE] buying lighter backpacks, and tidying up books in school bags everyday. I hope my suggestions would be helpful to solve the problem of heavy school bags.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong
 

Vincen't Wong

Junior Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2015
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Afrikaans
Home Country
Taiwan
Current Location
Taiwan
I really appreiate your help. i'm very weak at writing so your instruction means so much for me
 

teechar

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Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
I really appreiate your help. i'm very weak at writing so your instruction means so much for me

You're most welcome!
I really think you should have more confidence in your writing ability, especially that you're putting in so much effort and doing such a good job.

Keep going. ;-)
 

emsr2d2

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English Teacher
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British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Vincen't Wong, when will you submit your essay to your teacher?

Please check the information in your member profile. Are you quite sure you are a native Afrikaans speaker who hails from Afghanistan and who currently lives in Afghanistan?
 
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