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  1. #1
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    Default please check my essay for any grammar problems

    Do you think it sounds fair that “cold-blooded” juveniles should be tried and sentenced as adults? I believe it’s fair only if the justice system modernizes the juvenile courts. In Greg Krikorian’s “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”, he states that there are juveniles that are as young as eleven years old. What’s there to do about these juvenile “delinquents” who are too young to stay up past their curfew? Juvenile court isn’t designed to handle such malicious behavior. In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that up to now, the “juvenile court was designed more to protect the child than to punish bad behavior.” Bad juvenile behavior needs to be punished appropriately instead of being directly sentenced as adults.
    Today, the juvenile justice system is still based on the “parens patriae” principle. In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that the “parens patriae” was established in July 1899 that portrays “delinquents” as children who are capable of rehabilitation and were not fully responsible for their crimes. In the past, young children would commit crimes such as steal or “beat up” other children, but now you can find young children committing murder as well. In Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”, she states that 12 year old, Lionel Tate, “savagely beat to death” a 6 year old girl. The juvenile justice system should punish “cold-blooded” juveniles by having a punishment similar to an adult but lighter. Instead of staying in jail for 25 years as adults would for a violent crime, I believe children should stay in jail for about ten years so that it is long enough for them to rehabilitate themselves and go back to their regular lives with their family and friends. The juvenile justice system needs to update its system so juveniles are recieving the appropriate punishment.
    Sentencing children as young as eleven as adults doesn’t seem right. They are just kids after all. Young children are not fully capable in understanding the consequences to the trouble they get themselves into. In Greg Krikorian’s “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”, he states that children of eleven through thirteen years old were more likely to be “…’seriously impaired’ in the understanding the judicial process and aiding [the juvenile’s] own defense’, while 14 or 15 year olds were more likely to be “’seriously impaired’ in awareness and reasoning.” Instead of trying and sentencing young children as adults for violent crimes, the juvenile justice system should establish punishment fit for the juvenile’s age and crime. If a child around the age of eleven through fifteen years old commits a crime, instead of an adult sentencing, he or she should be put through juvenile court.
    There are many violent crimes committed by a number of juvenile “delinquents”. In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that violent crimes committed by juveniles is increasing “at double the rate” committed by adults. Pretty soon there would be more children causing more crimes than adults. There should be a new system for juveniles to be punished so juveniles are getting the punishment they deserve for their crimes.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: please check my essay for any grammar problems

    Do you think it sounds fair that “cold-blooded” juveniles should be tried and sentenced as adults?
    Better would be: "Do you think it is fair to try juveniles as adults?" Or: "Is it fair to try juveniles as adults?" However neither sentence is relevant here, since the subject is the juvenile court system. It is not about trying juveniles as adults.

    I believe it’s fair [to try juveniles as adults] only if the justice system modernizes the juvenile courts.
    That is a grammatical sentence. However, you should ask yourself if the one thing is related to the other.

    In Greg Krikorian’s “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”, he states that there are juveniles that are as young as eleven years old.
    While that is certainly a grammatical sentence, it hardly seems to be what you want to say. What is left out of that sentence that should be a part of that sentence? (I am quite sure that the man didn't really say what you said he said.)

    Juvenile court isn’t designed to handle such malicious behavior.
    Since no mention of behavior was made previously, that doesn't refer to anything. How would you rewrite that sentence so that it makes sense?

    Bad juvenile behavior needs to be punished appropriately instead of being directly sentenced as adults.
    We can punish bad behavior because what we mean by that is that we punish those who are guilty of bad behavior. However, we cannot sentence bad behavior. We have to sentence people.

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Young children are not fully capable OF understanding the consequences OF the trouble they get themselves into.

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    The juvenile justice system needs to update its system so juveniles are recEIving the appropriate punishment.
    Sentencing children as young as eleven as adults doesn’t seem right. They are just kids after all.
    (I'd link these two sentences together. Why not use a semi-colon instead of the fullstop?)

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    In the past, young children would commit crimes such as stealING or “beatING up” other children, but now you can find young children committing murder as well.

  6. #6
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    Bad juvenile behavior needs to be punished appropriately instead of being directly sentenced as adults.

    How about 'instead of being punished in the same way as adults would'?

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    Default Re: please check my essay for any grammar problems

    Today, the juvenile justice system is still based on the “parens patriae” principle. In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that the “parens patriae” was established in July 1899 that portrays “delinquents” as children who are capable of rehabilitation and were not fully responsible for their crimes.
    You have two different verb tenses in the same phrase in that second sentence. Try:
    • In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that the “parens patriae” was established in July 1899 and that it views delinquents as children capable of rehabilition and not fully responsible for their crimes.


    :)

  8. #8
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    You could also delete "is' before 'still based'.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: please check my essay for any grammar problems

    You need to space between your paragraphs.

    Today, the juvenile justice system is still based on the “parens patriae” principle.
    That is good. You should make the rest so clear.

    In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that the “parens patriae” was established in July 1899 that portrays “delinquents” as children who are capable of rehabilitation and were not fully responsible for their crimes.
    Unlike the previous sentence, that needs help. Try:
    • In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that the “parens patriae” was established in July 1899 that it views delinquents as children who are capable of rehabilitation and not fully responsible for their crimes.


    In the past, young children would commit crimes such as steal or “beat up” other children, but now you can find young children committing murder as well.
    • In the past, young children would commit crimes such as stealing or beating up other children, but now we find young children committing murder as well.


    In Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”, she states that 12 year old, Lionel Tate, “savagely beat to death” a 6 year old girl.
    That is good. That is the kind of clarity you need to strive for in every sentence.

    The juvenile justice system should punish “cold-blooded” juveniles by having a punishment similar to an adult but lighter.
    You need to say why you think cold-blooded juveniles should be punished. There is no such thing as a punishment similar to an adult.

    Instead of staying in jail for 25 years as adults would for a violent crime, I believe children should stay in jail for about ten years so that it is long enough for them to rehabilitate themselves and go back to their regular lives with their family and friends.
    Shouldn't they have to be convicted of a crime first before you put them in jail? :wink:

    (You need to make that two sentences.)

    The juvenile justice system needs to update its system so juveniles are recieving the appropriate punishment.
    I think you mean to say juvenile offenders. Be more specific about what needs to be updated. Say so that they receive instead of so that they are receiving.

    :)

  10. #10
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    Default Re: please check my essay for any grammar problems

    Sentence-by-sentence analysis.

    Sentencing children as young as eleven as adults doesn’t seem right.
    What comes before sentencing? Who would be involved?

    They are just kids after all.
    Okay. (Put a comma after kids.)

    Young children are not fully capable in understanding the consequences to the trouble they get themselves into.
    Young children are not fully capable of understanding the consequencs of their ______?

    In Greg Krikorian’s “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”, he states that children of eleven through thirteen years old were more likely to be “…’seriously impaired’ in the understanding the judicial process and aiding [the juvenile’s] own defense’, while 14 or 15 year olds were more likely to be “’seriously impaired’ in awareness and reasoning.”
    Say in the understanding of or simply in understanding.

    Instead of trying and sentencing young children as adults for violent crimes, the juvenile justice system should establish punishment fit for the juvenile’s age and crime.
    Substitute youthful offenders for young children.

    If a child around the age of eleven through fifteen years old commits a crime, instead of an adult sentencing, he or she should be put through juvenile court.
    Rewrite that sentence for clarity. Say around the age of or state an age range but not both. Choose.

    :)

    (Last paragraph)

    There are many violent crimes committed by a number of juvenile “delinquents”. In Tom Reilly’s “Youth Crime Has Changed—And So Must the Juvenile Justice System”, he states that violent crimes committed by juveniles is increasing “at double the rate” committed by adults.
    Say "the number of crimes...is rising...."

    Pretty soon there would be more children causing more crimes than adults.
    Say: "will be...committing more crimes...." What is your basis for that statement?

    There should be a new system for juveniles to be punished so juveniles are getting the punishment they deserve for their crimes.
    What punishment do they deserve? Why should they be punished?

    :wink:

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