Please can someone check my letter?

[spudiWar]

Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing to ask if you could provide me with some information regarding application for the entrance exam in XXX Conservatoire.


Firstly, as I applied for XXX programme, I was requested to send a copy of my diploma. Since I am graduating this year and I will have received it only in June or May, I would like to know if it would be possible to send you some other kind of verification of my previous education. In addition, I faced another problem regarding requested documents, considering the fact that my diploma is also my confirmation of english speaking skills.


Secondly, It was mentioned in exam requiremets that playing a classical piece would be appreciated. I would be grateful if you could tell me if this piece is additional to other three obligatory pieces or it is classified among them.


[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Thank you in advance for your time and assistance. I look forward to hearing from you.
[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]
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[FONT=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Yours faithfully,[/FONT]
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[Charlie Bernstein]

Hello, Spud!

The letter is good - clear and well organized. And your command of English is also good. One possible area of improvement is your style, which is somewhat stiff and ornate, which makes it seem old-fashioned. Formal written and spoken English can flow naturally. In fact, it's stronger if you allow it to.

Dear Sir or Madam, [In the U.S., we would probably say something like Dear Registrar or Dear Admissions.]


I write to ask for information regarding application for the entrance exam in XXX Conservatoire.


Firstly, when I applied for admission to the XXX programme, I was asked to send a copy of my diploma. Since I am graduating this year and [STRIKE]I[/STRIKE] will not receive it until May or June, may I send you some other [STRIKE]kind of[/STRIKE] verification of my [STRIKE]previous[/STRIKE] education? Another problem is that my diploma is also my confirmation of English speaking skills.

Secondly, [STRIKE]It was mentioned in[/STRIKE] your exam requirements mention that playing a classical piece would be appreciated. [STRIKE]I would be grateful if you could tell me[/STRIKE] Is this piece is in addition to the other three obligatory pieces, or is it one of them?


Thank you [STRIKE]in advance[/STRIKE] for your [STRIKE]time and[/STRIKE] assistance. I look forward to hearing from you.


Yours faithfully,

"Thank you in advance" is what we call "junk English." It means nothing more than "Thank you" and wastes the reader's time. It also implies that the reader might not respond. A simple "Thank you" is better. It assumes that the reader will respond: you have so much confidence in her that you're saying thanks before it happens!