[Essay] Please read and check this Ielts Essay for me.

[jenny dau]

Essay: Working abroad can help employees earn a great deal of money and gain more benefits. However, some people think this trend has many negative impacts
Discuss both views and give your opinion
I spent hours writing this essay . Please check it for me both grammar and vocabulary or leave any feedback for me. The ielts exams are so sophisticated and I'm doing my best. The more feedback was given, the better i gain. Hihi

Nowadays, more and more people are prone to look for jobs overseas because of several obvious advantages. However, I firmly believe that this trend has caused various very serious problems that those people should take into account

There are some argument for choosing to work abroad. To begin with, employees who work oversea could be paid well. For instance, blue- collar workers from developing nations working at factories located at developed countries could gain a monthy amount of approximately $1.000, six times as much as other workers living in their nation. Furthermore, a lot of white-collar employees are expected to go overseas in order to improve their prospect of job promotions. They would be exposed to the international workplace environment so that there is a better chance for them to enhance foreign languages, professional skills and the ability to think independently which can lead to higher position.

In spite of the argument for working overseas, I firmly think that this trend have affected negatively three main subjects. Firstly, it would be not beneficial for economy. Skilled workers have tended to remain their positions after working for many years at foreign countries, leading to the brain-drain which can affect harmful the domestic workforce as well as the growth of economy. Secondly, parent who are working away from home can not pay much attention to their children. As a result, the lack of parental involvement would contribute to low their achievement. Last but not least, those employees would face to a series of disadvantages including language barrier, cultural difference, strange climate, etc…

In conclusion, it is undeniable that working at a foreign country could bring much benefits to employees. Nevertheless, they should consider thoroughly putting themselves in a strange country and leaving their children alone

 

[tedmc]

Nowadays, more and more people are [STRIKE]prone[/STRIKE] inclined to look for jobs overseas because of several obvious advantages. However, I firmly believe that this trend has caused [STRIKE]various [/STRIKE] some very serious problems [STRIKE]that those people[/STRIKE] which should be taken into account.

There are some arguments for [STRIKE]choosing to work abroad[/STRIKE] people to go abroad to work. To begin with, employees who work overseas could be paid well. For instance, blue- collar workers from developing nations working [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] in factories [STRIKE]located at[/STRIKE] in developed countries could gain a monthy[STRIKE] amount[/STRIKE] salary of approximately $1.000(one thousand USD?), six times as much as [STRIKE]other[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]workers living [/STRIKE] employees working in their [STRIKE]nation[/STRIKE] home country. Furthermore, a lot of white-collar employees are [STRIKE]expected[/STRIKE] encouraged to go overseas in order to improve their prospect of job promotions. They would be exposed to the international working [STRIKE]place [/STRIKE]environment so that there is a better chance for them to enhance foreign languages skills, professional skills and the ability to think independently which can lead to higher positions.

In spite of the argument for working overseas, I firmly think that [STRIKE]this trend have [/STRIKE] it has [STRIKE]affected negatively three main subjects.[/STRIKE] adverse effects on three areas. Firstly, it would be not beneficial for the economy of the country. Skilled workers [STRIKE]have tended to remain[/STRIKE] tend to stay put in their positions after working for many years [STRIKE]at [/STRIKE] in foreign countries, leading to [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE] a brain-drain, which can [STRIKE]affect harmful [/STRIKE] be detrimental to the domestic workforce as well as the growth of economy. Secondly, parents who [STRIKE]are [/STRIKE]work[STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] far away from home [STRIKE]can not pay much attention to[/STRIKE] leave their children neglected. As a result, [STRIKE]the lack of parental involvement would contribute to low their achievement.[/STRIKE] there is the problem of the absence of parental involvement the children's upbringing which is not healthy to their development. Last but not least, while overseas, those employees would face [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] a[STRIKE] series [/STRIKE] host of [STRIKE]disadvantages[/STRIKE] adversities including [STRIKE]language barrier, cultural difference, strange climate, etc… [/STRIKE] problem of communication, adjustment to foreign culture, getting adapted to foreign climate, etc.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that working [STRIKE]at [/STRIKE] in a foreign country could bring much benefits to employees. Nevertheless, they should consider thoroughly putting themselves in a strange country and leaving their children alone. (this is not a proper conclusion)



not a teacher

 

[emsr2d2]

JennyDau, please stop writing "hihi" in your posts. It is completely meaningless.

 

[jenny dau]

thank for your time TEDMC, you'r so kind and enthusiastic