Want to be a GRE essay marker?

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vanmtcristo

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THe prompt is :
"Because people increasingly eat at restaurants, all restaurants should be required to display nutritional information about the meals they serve. This knowledge makes it easier for diners to make healthy choices and reduces the risk of diet-related health problems."

Below is what I wrote:


As people increasingly eat out, the knowledge of what they are eating, namely the nutrition information becomes a concern of many. Some people therefore require display of nutritional information about the meals they have, which would help them make healthier choices. Even though this idea looks plausible at the first glance, a closer look would prove this suggestion to be unnecessary and infeasible.

Those who require restaurants to display the nutritional information of the meals assume that smarter choices would be made based on the extra information given. However, this may not generate practical results. For instance, people are fully aware that the intake of too much extra calorie would result obesity. Yet the fast food restaurants still prosper. Therefore, the idea of informing people in advance has failed to “deter” them. In addition, people in general know what nutritional factors are provided in certain kinds of food, thus making the labeling unnecessary.

People know what they are eating and what nutrition facts they contribute to their bodies. Fruits provide the vitamins, meats provide proteins and calories, and humans need a balanced diet to remain healthy. Eating out is no different. Even though the meals are prepared by different hands, the nutrition facts do not alter much because of that. In terms of what is provided from a tomato, one from Olive Garden is to a large extent the same as what a person can get from local grocery store. People would have a decent knowledge of what nutrition facts are offered by looking at the menu and do not in general need extra explanations. If some people insist, that brings out another concern over the issue, that the idea is in fact not feasible.

Listing the nutrition facts of the meals would require an unbelievable amount of human labor, making it impossible to be implemented to a large scale. It is often the packaged food, produced through large scale manufacturing that the nutrition facts are listed. This is because the foods inside are not visible, and the manufacturing processed is well controlled, so the amount of the nutrition remains stable. In restaurants, however, the nutrition facts are not strictly controlled. The amount of sauce a chef puts on different dishes can vary, altering different amount of calories offered. A change of ingredient can also trigger the same change. For a restaurant to list out the nutrition facts of its dishes, it therefore has to have people keeping track of all the information and keep updating it. The amount of work required would be unbelievably great.

In conclusion, even though asking the restaurants to present their nutrition facts of the meals sound reasonable, it would be both unnecessary and impossible to be implemented. If one really needs such information, he can use his portable device to check for nutrition facts online. In this case, he gets his desired information without adding much work for the others.

Thanks for your time and help!
 

teechar

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As people increasingly eat out, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] knowledge of what they are eating, namely [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] nutritional information, becomes a concern [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for many. Some people, therefore, [STRIKE]require display of[/STRIKE] expect the nutritional information [STRIKE]about[/STRIKE] for the meals they have to be displayed in restaurants, [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] arguing that this would help them make healthier (food) choices. Even though this idea looks [STRIKE]plausible[/STRIKE] reasonable at [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] first glance, a closer look [STRIKE]would[/STRIKE] proves [STRIKE]this suggestion[/STRIKE] it to be unnecessary and (in fact) unfeasible.

Those who require restaurants to display [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] nutritional information [STRIKE]of the meals[/STRIKE] assume that smarter choices would (automatically) be made based on the extra information given. However, the reality is often different. [STRIKE]this may not generate practical results.[/STRIKE] For instance, most people are fully aware that the intake of too [STRIKE]much[/STRIKE] many extra calories would likely result in obesity; yet the fast food [STRIKE]restaurants still[/STRIKE] industry continues to grow and prosper. Therefore, the idea of informing people [STRIKE]in advance has failed to[/STRIKE] does not necessarily deter them from eating unhealthy food.

In addition, people in general know what nutritional [STRIKE]factors[/STRIKE] benefits they can obtain from [STRIKE]are provided in[/STRIKE] certain kinds of food, thus making the labeling unnecessary. [STRIKE]People know what they are eating and what nutrition facts they contribute to their bodies.[/STRIKE] For example, fruits provide [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] vitamins; meats provide proteins and calories, and humans need a balanced diet to remain healthy. Eating out is no different. Even though the meals are prepared by different hands, the nutritional facts do not [STRIKE]alter[/STRIKE] differ much because of that. In terms of nutritional value, [STRIKE]what is provided from[/STRIKE] a tomato is a tomato, [STRIKE]one from[/STRIKE] whether one eats it in an Olive Garden restaurant [STRIKE]is to a large extent the same as what a person can[/STRIKE] or gets it from a local grocery store. People can [STRIKE]would[/STRIKE] have a decent idea [STRIKE]knowledge[/STRIKE] of [STRIKE]what[/STRIKE] nutritional value [STRIKE]facts are offered[/STRIKE] by looking at the menu and do not in general need extra explanations. [STRIKE]If some people insist, that brings out another concern over the issue, that the idea is in fact not feasible. [/STRIKE] However, some people insist that restaurants display detailed nutritional information, which highlights yet another problem with this approach, namely its infeasibility.

Listing the nutritional facts of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] meals would require an unbelievable amount of [STRIKE]human[/STRIKE] labor, making it impossible to be implemented [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] on a large scale. Ironically, it is often with the packaged food, produced through large-scale manufacturing that the nutritional facts are listed. This is because [STRIKE]the foods inside are not visible, and[/STRIKE] the manufacturing process is well controlled, so the amounts of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] nutrients remains stable. In restaurants, however, the [STRIKE]nutrition facts[/STRIKE] meals' ingredients and preparation are not strictly controlled and are likely to vary. The amount of sauce a chef puts on different dishes can vary, altering [STRIKE]different[/STRIKE] the amount of calories in them, for instance. [STRIKE]offered. A change of ingredient can also trigger the same change.[/STRIKE] For a restaurant to list out the nutritional facts of its dishes, it therefore has to have people keeping track of all the [STRIKE]information[/STRIKE] meals they prepare and keep updating [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] that daily. The amount of work required would (clearly) be [STRIKE]unbelievably[/STRIKE] onerous. [STRIKE]great.[/STRIKE]

In conclusion, even though asking [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] restaurants to display [STRIKE]present their[/STRIKE] nutritional information about [STRIKE]facts of[/STRIKE] their meals may sound reasonable, it would be both unnecessary and impossible to be implemented. If one really needs such information, they can [STRIKE]use his portable device to check[/STRIKE] search for [STRIKE]nutrition facts[/STRIKE] it online. [STRIKE]In this case, he gets his desired information without adding much work for the others. [/STRIKE]

Note: The last sentence of your second paragraph works better as a topic sentence for the third paragraph, than a linking sentence, at the end of the second, as you had it.
 

emsr2d2

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Welcome to the forum. :hi:

1. What does your title have to do with your post?
2. When are you going to submit this essay to your teacher/tutor for marking?
 

vanmtcristo

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Thanks a lot teechar!
I still have a question here, so this line here
"For instance, most people are fully aware that the intake of too [STRIKE]much[/STRIKE] many extra calories would likely result in obesity; yet the fast food [STRIKE]restaurants still[/STRIKE] industry continues to grow and prosper. Therefore, the idea of informing people."Should the semi-colon before "yet" be a comma, because the two parts in the sentence don't mean the same thing?
Thanks again!
 

vanmtcristo

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Hi there, nice to meet you!
the title simply means: can anyone correct my essay for me?
And it's just a practice essay that I'm doing. It's not to be submitted.
 

emsr2d2

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For future reference, thread titles should include some or all of the words/phrases you are querying. A good title for this thread would have been "Because people increasingly eat at restaurants" or something similar.

Luckily for you, it seems teechar does indeed want to be a GRE essay marker. :)
 

vanmtcristo

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Haha thanks for telling me that, R2D2.
By the way, when can I have a profile picture? I just joined in the forum and it looks like I cannot have one yet.
 

emsr2d2

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Some facilities are not available to new users until they have posted at least ten times. The profile picture is one of them.

Another note - if you're going to quote people's usernames, please use the full name (or the first part if it has more than one part separated by a space).
 

vanmtcristo

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haha, thanks. I'll keep that in mind.
 

emsr2d2

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May I ask why you keep starting your responses with "Haha"? As far as I'm aware, I've said nothing funny.
 

vanmtcristo

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I believe Lucas used R2 and D2 in his movie to add some sense of humor. Therefore, an image of the two together makes me simply want to smile.
 

emsr2d2

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My profile photo is of R2D2 (the little blue and white one) with C3PO (the tall gold one). R2 and D2 are not two separate characters. Anyway, my point remains - please quote usernames in full. Doing otherwise could confuse other learners reading the thread.
 

vanmtcristo

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Shoot! THanks for correcting me. I totally forgot about the name C3PO...
 
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