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  1. #1
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    Jan 2004
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    Default News Writing (Please check for errors)

    Hello teachers,

    I've been given an assignment on news writing. Below is what I can come out with. Could you please check if there are any grammatical errors?

    Thank very much in advance!

    ---

    SKATEBOARD TRAGEDY
    12-year-old killed while crossing road on skateboard; Hospital Umum personnel sued

    PETALING JAYA:

    A 12-year-old Singaporean boy who was crossing a road on his skateboard was killed yesterday when he was hit by a Mini Cooper.

    Austin Chen, staying in Bangsar, died on the spot shortly after the 4 p.m. collision. He was a foreign student studying in La Salle Secondary School. Prior to the collision, he was attending a club meeting at his school.

    Police said Austin was skateboarding across a road just in front of La Salle Secondary School after the meeting when Liew Man Fah, 29, of SS2 struck him in his Mini Cooper, knocking him to the ground.

    According to a witness, upon noticing Chen crossing the road out of the blue, Mr. Liew immediately braked hard to avoid hitting him. In the process, he lost control of the car, which skidded, and resulted in Chen being knocked down.

    Chen’s father, a Singaporean who has stayed and worked in Bangsar for more than 5 years, rushed to the scene even earlier than the ambulance just to find his only son lying unconsciously in the pool of blood. Austin was eventually taken to the nearest Hospital Umum by his father, where he was announced dead.

    45-year-old Chen Jit Kong, who was thronged with grief, blamed the personnel of Hospital Umum for the delay. On top of that he was also sprung with regrets as he said he should not have bought his son the skateboard.

    According to Chen, his wife was still left uniformed about their son’s death as he feared “she might not be able to face it and hence do stupid stuff.” Chen’s wife was staying with her parents in Singapore.

    The Petaling Jaya Police Department is currently still investigating on the accident. Chen has filed suit against Hospital Umum for their negligence.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: News Writing (Please check for errors)

    Corrections and some suggestions in square brackets.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenneth
    ---
    SKATEBOARD TRAGEDY
    12-year-old killed while crossing road on skateboard; Hospital Umum [This would usually be written with the name of the hospital first, i.e. Umum hospital] personnel sued
    PETALING JAYA:
    A 12-year-old Singaporean boy who was crossing a road on his skateboard was killed yesterday when he was hit by a Mini Cooper.
    Austin Chen, staying in Bangsar, died on the spot [Suggest "instantly"] shortly after the 4 p.m. collision. He was a foreign student studying in La Salle Secondary School. Prior to the collision, he was attending a club meeting at his school.
    Police said Austin was skateboarding across a road just in front of La Salle Secondary School after the meeting when Liew Man Fah, 29, of SS2 struck him in his Mini Cooper, knocking him to the ground.
    According to a witness, upon noticing Chen crossing the road out of the blue, Mr. Liew immediately braked hard to avoid hitting him. In the process, he lost control of the car, which skidded, and resulted in Chen being knocked down.
    Chen’s father, a Singaporean who has stayed and worked in Bangsar for more than 5 years, rushed to the scene even earlier than [This phrase is a bit awkward, I'd suggest "arriving before"] the ambulance just [I would delete "just"] to find his only son lying unconsciously in the pool [Should read "unconscious in a pool"]of blood. Austin was eventually taken to the nearest Hospital Umum [Should this read "to the nearest hospital, Umum hospital,..." by his father, where he was announced [This should be "pronounced"] dead.
    45-year-old Chen Jit Kong, who was thronged ["Thronged" does not work here. The usual adjective would be "stricken"] with grief, blamed the personnel of Hospital Umum for the delay [What delay? The time it took for the ambulance to arrive? I think you shold make it clear, especially as you talk about a lawsuit later on]. On top of that he was also sprung with regrets [You wouldn't say "sprung". "Filled with regret" or "filled with remorse" would be quite common] as he said he should not have bought his son the skateboard.
    According to Chen, his wife was still left uniformed [Spelling - "uninformed"] about their son’s death as [and?] he feared “she might not be able to face it and hence do stupid stuff.” Chen’s wife was staying with her parents in Singapore.
    The Petaling Jaya Police Department is currently still investigating on [delete] the accident. Chen has filed suit against Hospital Umum for their negligence [You would have to say "alleging negligence" or "for their alleged negligence". Otherwise you could have a possible libel action against your paper ] .

  3. #3
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    Default Re: News Writing (Please check for errors)

    Thanks so very much Edmund

  4. #4
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    Default Re: News Writing (Please check for errors)

    No problem!

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