Please check my introduction paragraph

[ashkanm]

Recent advancements in technology have led to many changes in our daily lives, but some people would argue that we are becoming too dependent on technology and that not all these changes are beneficial.
Give your opinion and support your argument.

Advances in technology have led to significant changes in our lifestyle. Some people believe that we are becoming more and more relying on technology which impact our social life. In my point of view, technology developments have enhanced our life quality and its advantages are more far than its disadvantages.

 

[teechar]

Recent advancements in technology have led to many changes in our daily lives, but some people would argue that we are becoming too dependent on technology and that not all these changes are beneficial.
Give your opinion and support your argument.

Advances in technology have led to significant changes in our lifestyle. Some people believe that we are becoming more and more [STRIKE]relying[/STRIKE] reliant on technology, which impacts our social life. In my [STRIKE]point of[/STRIKE] view, technological developments have enhanced our life quality and [STRIKE]its[/STRIKE] the advantages [STRIKE]are more[/STRIKE] far [STRIKE]than its[/STRIKE] outweigh the disadvantages.

.

 

[ashkanm]

Thank you very much


I wanna know if it is good introduction for an easy ? You help me to correct the grammar, I would like to hear your idea about structures ?

 

[teechar]

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.
In the future, you don't need to make a separate post to thank someone. Just click the "Thank" and/or "Like" buttons to show your appreciation. ;-)

I want to na know if it is good introduction for an essay. [STRIKE]easy ?[/STRIKE] You've helped me to correct the grammar; I would like to hear [STRIKE]your idea about[/STRIKE] what you think of the structure.

Your introduction is fine.