Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: my essay(3)

  1. #1
    o_cat Guest

    my essay(3)

    This is another my essay which is also for a test. :(
    Thanks for Ron to corrected my essays before.
    Could you please correct this one again?
    Thanks billion!
    :P
    How I Finance My College Education
    There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues of how to finance the college education. Although the economic of our country is on sharply growing, there are, still, many families can not afford their children’s education. If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to find how to get there.
    Therefore, it is imperative for them to take some useful measures. And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship. In my opinion, maybe this is the best way to solve the problem.
    As for me, besides the scholarship, I’ll do a part time job too. Because a part time job can give me not money but the experience in touch with the society. As the saying goes:” The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself.” I believe I can get through the difficulties with my efforts.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: my essay(3)

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues of how to finance the college education.
    Try:
    • There is a public controversy nowadays over what is the best way to pay for college.


    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Although the economic of our country is on sharply growing, there are, still, many families can not afford their childrenís education.
    Try:
    • Although the economy of our country is rapidly improving, many families cannot afford to pay for their children's education.


    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to find how to get there.
    Perhaps:
    • If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to figure out how to pay for it.



    What do you think?

  3. #3
    o_cat Guest
    Thank you, Ron.
    But only that three sentences have errors in them?

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Thank you, Ron.
    But only that three sentences have errors in them?
    No. Also look at:
    • And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship.


    And:
    • As for me, besides the scholarship, Iíll do a part time job too.


    And:
    • Because a part time job can give me not money but the experience in touch with the society.


    (Try having a part-time job)

    Say: "I believe I can overcome the difficulties."

    When using a quote, be sure it is relevant to the essay.

    :)

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: my essay(3)

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Therefore, it is imperative for them to take some useful measures. And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship. In my opinion, maybe this is the best way to solve the problem.
    Say: applying for loans, working at a part-time job, etc. Rather than
    wonderful credits I would say good grades. Maybe students with good grades can try to get scholarships.

    :)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •