Could you please accentuate the key area to improve my writing skills

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ANAS JAMIL

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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Since ages, people are using animals for transportation, food and research purposes. While some people have animadversion against usage of animals for various objectives, others expostulate with them. They believe in the contribution of animals for human needs and I concur. In my opinion, it is imperative to make use of animals for house-hold activities because they are designed by nature to perform these tasks effectively.

To begin with, harsh treatment of animals is ubiquitous all over the world. More often than not, animals are exploited for various reasons. For instance, in countries such as India, people use donkeys to deliver goods to supermarkets. It is not uncommon for the people in India to smack a donkey in order to make him run faster during the delivery of goods. These attitudes by humans towards animals are uncompromising as the animals are unable to speak for their rights.

Despite the above arguments, in my view, animals are playing a vital role to provide effectiveness and smoothness on day to day transactions of human beings. They are playing an essential part to provide different services in a very cost effective and efficient manner. For example, in countries such as Australia, people like to keep dogs as pets because they are extremely handy to offer services of a night-watchman. It reduces the cost of hiring a security guard for a common man in Australia. Services such as these are vital for our society.

In conclusion, I believe that it is important to take advantages of animals in our daily basis work. In near future, I envisage a trend of using animals more and more for routine work by people.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

For ages people have been using animals...
 

Tarheel

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I would use "purposes" instead of ""objectives", (Second sentence.)
 

Tarheel

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They believe in using animals for human needs.
 

ANAS JAMIL

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Many thanks for the replies.

1) I have understood that there is a grammatical mistake in the following sentence. Thanks for the correction.
Instead of using "present continuous tense", I should have used "present perfect continuous tense"


2) I used the word "objectives" instead of "purposes" (Second sentence) because I had used the word "purposes" in first sentence.(i.e. "for transportation, food and research purposes."
I wittingly used this word in order to avoid repetition. Please advise.


3) Same is the case as described in point 2. I avoided the word "using". I stated the word "contribution" to avoid the word "using".
Please advise .


Bundles of thanks,

Regards,
Anas Jamil
 

Tarheel

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You don't have to avoid using a word just because you have used it before. You might make the wrong choice because you follow that rule.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

I understand that there is a grammatical mistake in the following sentence.
 

Tarheel

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Do you know that "understood" is past tense and that if you say you understood something you could very well be saying that you don't understand it anymore?
 

ANAS JAMIL

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Do you know that "understood" is past tense and that if you say you understood something you could very well be saying that you don't understand it anymore?


I understand :)

I have posted another essay. Whenever you are free, please comment on the essay. I would appreciate your valuable comments in this regard.

Regards,
Anas Jamil
 

teechar

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In my opinion, this essay would get a fail mark. You need to learn how to plan and structure your response before you start writing the actual essay.
 

ANAS JAMIL

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In my opinion, this essay would get a fail mark. You need to learn how to plan and structure your response before you start writing the actual essay.

Could you please provide an example regarding what could have been a better option for planning and structuring the response as i used the following strategy.


INTRODUCTION
1st sentence: topic sentence/hook statement
2nd sentence: explanation of one side of argument
3rd sentence: explanation of other side of argument
4th sentence: my point of view/ my support for one of the argumemts

BODY PARAGRAPH 1

1st sentence: topic sentence of one side of argumemt.
2nd sentence: explaination of the argument.
3rd sentence: providing example to support the argument.
4th sentence: conclusion of the argument.

BODY PARAGRAPH 2:

same as body paragraph 1. The only difference is that this paragraph is based on second argument


LAST PARAGRAPH:
1st sentence: provding conclusion again based on facts described in BODY PARAGRAPH 1 & 2.

2nd sentence: future prediction or advice for people.


Regards,
Anas Jamil
 

teechar

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4th sentence: my point of view/ my support for one of the arguments.
No. You can (but you don't have to) list the main points you're going to argue.

For this kind of short essay, you can structure your body paragraphs as follows.
In the first body paragraph, you can present a couple of arguments which oppose your view and give examples. Then you must refute those arguments in detail and support your refutation with strong/convincing counterarguments/examples.

In your second body paragraph, you present your own arguments to support your position, and again, you give strong/convincing evidence and examples to win over the reader to your stance.

I also suggest that you avoid using complicated/overly formal terms; e.g., use "disagree" instead of "expostulate."
 

Tarheel

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Try:

A dog can do the job of a night watchman without you having to hire one.
 

Tarheel

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Cats are designed by nature to sit on window sills?
 
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