[Essay] IELTS Essay Practice for Exams!!

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Hello everyone :)
I'm submitting another essay for feedback/ comments. It would be most grateful if you give me an ideal band score this time please! Thank you very much!

Title: Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong. Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Raising children is an aspect of life which many parents encounter and there are differences in opinion as to how to effectively bring up their young ones. While some families believe that the main focus is teaching children to differentiate between correct and incorrect, others feel that it is essential to provide children with a suitable surrounding which favours their growth and maturity. I believe that both arguments are equal in value which plays a vital role for many young children today.

Understanding what is and isn't acceptable is a crucial factor for growing children as it allows them to realise their mistakes and avoid repetition. As parents do so, not only are they teaching children moral values but they are also effectively reducing the likelihood of children to be drawn into crime and other anti-social elements in the future. The vast amount of experience and social knowledge which parents have makes them proper role models for their children as they look up to them for guidance in the proper direction in life. In addition, teaching such fundamental lessons about morality starts within homes so that children can carry these qualities wherever they go, be it school or to any environment where they are in contact with other young children.

Apart from proper guidance, it is also vital that children are provided with a place that is suitable for them without any threats. For instance, if a child is constantly subjected to abuse or violent behaviour of parents towards each other, then it is very likely that those incidents will hinder a child's development and may leave them psychologically scarred for life. The external environment molds the internal environment therefore, it is necessary that children receive tender loving care and protection from their families. In doing so, children will learn to appreciate the true value of families which they could also take as they progress in life. The emotional bonding is also strengthened between parents and children which profoundly decreases the likelihood of a child being socially deviant.

To conclude, I feel that children require an ideal environment for them to mature and develop as well as having the ability to know what is right and wrong. It is prudent that parents instill their young ones with all of these traits if they aspire their children to become socially accepted and prosperous in their life.
 

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Raising children is [STRIKE]an aspect [/STRIKE] a stage of life which [STRIKE]many[/STRIKE] parents [STRIKE]encounter[/STRIKE] go through. [STRIKE]and [/STRIKE]There are differences in opinion as to how to effectively bring up the[STRIKE]ir[/STRIKE] young ones. While some families believe that the main focus [STRIKE]is [/STRIKE] shoud be on education, that is teaching children to differentiate between [STRIKE]correct and incorrect[/STRIKE] right and wrong, others feel that it is [STRIKE]essential[/STRIKE] more important to provide children with a suitable [STRIKE]surrounding [/STRIKE] environment [STRIKE]which favours[/STRIKE] conducive for their growth and maturity. I believe that both [STRIKE]arguments[/STRIKE] views are [STRIKE]equal in value[/STRIKE] equally valid [STRIKE]which play[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] a vital role for many young children today. [/STRIKE] and are vital to the upbringing of children.
 
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