Please correct my cover letter. Many thanks!

[yslamac]

I have a strong desire to pursue career in education. I think it is rewarding to scaffold students to push beyond their learning zone. This is because I have encountered numerous good and passionate teachers who taught students and gave inspiration. Teacher is the key for students to access the treasure hidden in knowledge. And now I have finished my schooling and I would like to pass this passion to the future students.

I am able to treat students with patience and consideration. This can be supported by the fact that I joined an internship program related to environmental education last summer. I was required to deliver guided walks to students in groups. Sometimes they did not pay attention and I needed to find ways to engage them, for instance, by telling them a story related to our spots. In case of misbehavior, I might pull him/her out of the group and explain why such behavior is inappropriate.

I enjoy studying and picking up new knowledge. Although I am raised in Hong Kong and receive academic schooling for our tailor-made syllabus (HKDSE), I have eagerness to pick up any new syllabus such as the IB curriculum to teach students from diverse backgrounds.

Above is my cover letter, can someone help me correct and polish it? I would really appreciate your generous help.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I have a strong desire to pursue career in education. I think it is rewarding to [wrong word] students to push beyond their learning zone. This is because I have encountered numerous good and passionate teachers who taught students and gave inspiration. Teachers are the key for students to access the treasure hidden in knowledge. And now I have finished my schooling and I would like to pass this passion to the future students.

I am able to treat students with patience and consideration. This can be supported by the fact that I joined an internship program related to environmental education last summer. I was required to deliver guided walks to students in groups. Sometimes they did not pay attention and I needed to find ways to engage them, for instance, by telling them a story related to our spots. In case of misbehavior, I might pull him or her out of the group and explain why such behavior is inappropriate.

I enjoy studying and picking up new knowledge. Although I was raised in Hong Kong and received academic schooling for our tailor-made syllabus (HKDSE), I am eager to pick up any new syllabus, such as the IB curriculum to teach students from diverse backgrounds.

Above is my cover letter. Can someone help me correct and polish it? I would really appreciate your generous help.

Your writing is better than many native English-speakers'!

Look into "him or her." There is a lot of disagreement.

Some say that "their" is acceptable. (I think it's not grammatical.)
Some say that "him or her" is wrong. (I prefer it.)
Some say that him/her is wrong. (It's good to avoid slashes.)
Some say that "him" is correct. (I think it's sexist.)

When in doubt, rephrasing often helps. For instance, you could say "a student" or "the student" or "students" instead.

I hope that helps. Good luck with your application!