[General] Can you grade my letter and point out any mistakes or any possible improvements

[McSpear]

(just so you know i am in the ninth grade and English is my second language)

Dear Tom,

I know that you are green with envy for not being able to accompany me to the trip.So i thought i might drop a few lines about it to cheer you up a bit and you know that we can always go again so don't be too woeful about it.
The plane ride was quite too long and uncomfortable but upon our arrival we were welcomed by a wonderful tropical breeze and a clear blue sky.We immediately ventured off to our destination right on time to go for the diving trip.They were kind enough to wait for us, so we got on the boat and i was mesmerized by the crystal clear ocean then when i jumped into the water i could see all around me those exotic corals and fish.
After that the local instructors took us to a part of the island that was known to be the most picturesque.And so it was, we were encompassed by the tropical trees and lay down on the sandy beach.It can't get any better you would think , but it did as the evening breeze softly blew we were amazed by the prospect of the sun setting upon the stupendous mountains.The rest of the trip was a mixture of discovering the island from all its angles as well as their mouth watering food.
Throughout the trip i kept thinking of how much better it would have been if you were with us.Anyway i have to go now as i have multitudinous papers to finish and i will be expecting a reply from you so don't wait too long on that.Heaven shower down blessings on you my friend.

Your friend,
McSpear,

 

[teechar]

Dear Tom,

I know that you are [STRIKE]green with envy for[/STRIKE] disappointed at not being able to accompany me [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] on the trip, so i thought I [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] would drop you a line [STRIKE]a few lines[/STRIKE] and tell you about it to cheer you up a bit; and you know that we can always go again, so don't be too [STRIKE]woeful[/STRIKE] sad about it.

The [STRIKE]plane ride[/STRIKE] flight was quite [STRIKE]too[/STRIKE] long and uncomfortable, but upon our arrival, we were welcomed by a wonderful tropical breeze and a clear blue sky. We immediately ventured off to our destination right on time to go for the diving trip.They were kind enough to wait for us, so we got on the boat and I was mesmerized by the crystal-clear ocean. Then when I jumped into the water, I could see [STRIKE]all around me[/STRIKE] those exotic corals and fish all around me.

After that, the local instructors took us to a part of the island that [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] is known to be the most picturesque. And so it was; we were encompassed by [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] tropical trees and lay down on the sandy beach. It can't get any better you would think, but it did. As the evening breeze softly blew, we were amazed by the prospect of the sun setting upon the stupendous mountains. The rest of the trip was a mixture of discovering the island from all [STRIKE]its[/STRIKE] angles as well as [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] sampling the mouth-watering food.

Throughout the trip I kept thinking of how much better it would have been if you were with us. Anyway, I have to go now as I have [STRIKE]multitudinous[/STRIKE] numerous papers to finish, and I will be expecting a reply from you soon. [STRIKE]so don't wait too long on that.[/STRIKE] Heaven shower down blessings on you my friend.

Your friend,
McSpear,

.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this a real letter you are sending to your friend Tom? If so, why do you need it graded?

Also, if you are in ninth grade, why does your member profile say that you are a "Retired Academic"?

 

[McSpear]

.

Thanks for your help!!! I appreciate it.

 

[McSpear]

Is this a real letter you are sending to your friend Tom? If so, why do you need it graded?

Also, if you are in ninth grade, why does your member profile say that you are a "Retired Academic"?

I actually am in the ninth grade and this letter isn't to my friend.I am just practicing because i am required to write a letter as part of my English exam.

 

[emsr2d2]

Are you going to give this practice letter to your teacher/tutor?

Would you care to answer my other question? Why does your profile say you are a Retired Academic? It should say "Student or Learner".