[General] Please check the mistakes in my letter.

[zsch kyong]

ToThe Hostel Warden, EMV Collage, Las Vegas. Sub: Requesting for withdrawal of hostel security deposit. Sir, With due and humble respect I would like to state a few lines regarding about the subject mentioned above. It is that Sir, I will be leaving hostel by 20th of May 2016 as I will be staying outside thereafter. Therefore I kindly request you to look onto the subject that I have mentioned above. Yours faithfullyZsch Kyong

 

[GoesStation]

I doubt that an American college has a post called "hostel warden". Are you sure you have the correct job title?

Here's a more natural version of your letter. Americans like to get to the point, so I removed all the apologetic and obsequious language. The letter doesn't make sense though, as May 20th 2016 is in the past. Do you mean to say I left the hostel on May 20th​?

Re: security deposit

I will be leaving the hostel by May 20th 2016. Please return my security deposit.

Thank you,

Zsch Kyong