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  1. #1
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    Post please check my essay

    please check my essay and i would appreciate if you could comment on my writing. many thanks. - izel

    “Si Michael at Si Bb. Maliwat” is a play I wrote when I was in 3rd year college. It was actually a requirement in one of my subjects at that time. When we were asked by our professor to go through the process of creating a play, I could not think of any personal scenario in my life that I could use to write a good beginning, conflict and an ending. During the process, my memory led me back to actual incidents and interesting personalities in high school, and so they say the rest is history.

    Surprisingly, this play won third prize (di ko din alam kung bakit) in a Filipino literary competition in our campus and was included in the annual publication of “AMBON” – a compilation of Filipino literature written by students, professors and alumni of Far Eastern University. I must warn you, there is nothing special or mind-boggling about this play, but to all my batchmates in Torres High School (THS Class91) who will stumble upon this page and will have the patience to read it, I know that it will somehow bring you to a journey down memory lane. Not only of incidents that you will recognize in this play but also of all the happy and the not-so-happy, and of course of all the wonderful experiences we had in high school. It is about views of two people from different generations.

    So to all my batchmates -- let our memories linger and may the rays of our dreams continue to shine bright. This literary piece, I dedicate to all the Michaels, Luisas and Andies of our batch…to all of us.

    About the photo: The guy in the picture is the real Michael (together with his wife and children) to whom I based my main character in the play. Michael Betco is now teaching mathematics at the MAPUA Institute of Technology and he is also a discipline officer there (who would have thought. J) Meanwhile, Ms. Maliwat was our Filipino teacher in high school and I do not know where and how she is right now. The rest of the characters are all fictitious. The incidents mentioned and described also took place during that time.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: please check my essay

    so they say the rest is history- and, as they say,
    Not only of incidents that you will recognize in this play but also of all the happy and the not-so-happy, and of course of all the wonderful experiences we had in high school.- this shopuld be incorporated into the previous sentence
    to whom I based my main character- on whom
    batchmates- not a term I am familiar with (British English speaker)

  3. #3
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    Re: please check my essay

    thank you mr. editor

    Just recently i find myself having fun blogging my writings. I thought composing essays and sharing my thoughts to friends and other bloggers is a good way to practice my English. Are you sure those are the only mistakes you found on my essay? I am a bit surprise but happy about it. I am wondering, aside from checking and editing do you also critique on the style and essence the article we are posting? I would love to hear your comments on my writing style so I would know if I am making sense or not .

    By the way, I know there is no such term as “batchmate,” but it is a word that we adopted or created for our high school batch.

    I will post again some of my work for your checking. Again thank you, you’ve been a great help.

    Izel

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: please check my essay

    In my case, it really depends on how much time I have that day because I have so many posts to get through. On quieter days, I can spend more time, though this is very well-written.

  5. #5
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    Re: please check my essay

    Dear tdol

    This is another article of mine. I will appreciate if you could check it for me. I posted this to my blog site during father's day.

    many thanks - izel

    Reminiscing Domeng on Father's Day

    It has been 15 years since my father died of bone cancer – June 23, 1991. It was one of the most painful experiences in my life, but through the grace of the Lord and in His own time my family and I were able to accept the fact the he was gone for good. Remembering him is like a movie in my mind. It keeps on playing in my head like my favorite film and that I don’t get tired of watching it over and over again. Let me share to you some of my favorite scenes I remember most about my father:


    - He loved to listen and sing “kundiman” songs. His two favorites
    were “Baleleng” and “Sampaguita” which I enjoy singing every now and
    then.
    - He was very fond of children and children were very fond of him as well. I
    see this trait of him now to my younger brother Mervin. They both have
    this pleasant aura of charisma that attracts children to play with them.
    - He would cook then the best dinuguan in town. When we were in Tondo,
    my mother sells cooked food in front of our house where we used to live,
    the best seller then was his dinuguan.
    - In the morning when our place is flooded because of heavy rain, he would
    then carry me and my older sister, Ate Fe from our house to get into a
    jeepney so that we will not wet our shoes and uniform.
    - We would drink ‘Bear Brand’ milk together at night before going to bed. It
    was his favorite.
    - He was very tidy and fussy when it comes to cleaning. He would scold us
    and he would have us repeat our chores if it doesn’t meet his standard. As
    a result, it would take us whole day to clean our place which by the way
    was just a very small room only.
    - Siopao bola-bola is what he likes to eat then for snack. Like father like
    daughter -- I also like bola-bola better than the siopao asado.

    I simply cherish these special memories of my father. What is good about it is that I have the luxury to forward, rewind and pause these scenes in my mind…He was a well-loved man. During his funeral I was overwhelmed by the huge number of people came to pay their last respects to him. Many of them I had seen and met only at that time, and I remember them saying to me, “’Yang si Domeng, naku napakabait ‘yan!” (‘Your father was such a good man.”) It is true -- he was a loving father, a good friend, and a person with a gentle soul, and that is how I will always remember him.

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