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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone... Please Proofread Critique Accepted =)

    There Are Two Essays Here.. Both 5 Pages =( Sorry... If You Have The Time And Can Only Proofread One That Is Great As Well! All Responses Are Welcome =) Thanks =) If Anyone Makes Corrections I Would Appreciate It If They Were Done In Capatalization. The Second Essay Is On The Second Post =)
    All Eyes On Me
    Fucking faggot… weirdo…. gothic freak…. I hear the jocks say as they bashed my face into my locker. I still had the bike ride home to face, as all the kids threw rocks at me. Years of being rejected but I had never found that way out, that escape that I was looking for. What made me so different from the rest? They call me strange because I wear my trench coats, because I wasn’t athletic and wore black clothes on an everyday basis. I thought hard as I wrote in my diary. "We want to be different. We want to be strange and we don't want jocks or other people putting (us) down. ... We're going to punish you. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things, I wrote. You people had my phone number, and I asked and all, but no no no no no don't let the weird looking Eric kid come along.""Sometime in April me and V (Klebold) will get revenge and will kick natural selection up a few notches." I wanted to seek revenge for all the humiliation I had dealt with for years and years. I just felt so excluded by other kids and frustrated with women.
    As I thought harder, I knew exactly how it was going to happen. It all clicked. “It’ll be like the LA riots, the Oklahoma bombing, WWII, Vietnam, Duke and Doom [the video games] all mixed together. ….. I want to leave a lasting impression on the world,” I wrote. That was my decision. What better way to seek revenge then go on a murder rampage at my school. I will teach them all. It seemed to good to be true. I needed plans
    like a blueprint, but only for a massacre. I got more excited as I thought about it. I wrote more and more. “Me and V will park our cars in the school parking lot, walk into the cafeteria during lunch wearing black army pants, carrying bags filled with bombs and guns. If anyone asks, I will say its all for a science/band/English project or something. If me and V survive, I will try to escape to a foreign country of some type where I can not be extradited. If there isn’t such a place then we will hijack a hell of a lot of bombs and crash a plane into NYC with us inside firing away as we go down, just something to cause more devastation.” I was going for the big kill, and more than likely a suicide attack to coincide with the great Adolph Hitler’s birthday. What better day then April 20th I thought. “I just want a firearm that can hold lots of bullets and that wont jam on me. So ill need lots of clips too. Ill have those strapped onto my chest.” I planned out the attack weeks before. I drew my blueprints that I thought over very carefully as to when and where these attacks where going to take place. I monitored the cafeteria to find out that 11 o’clock was the busiest time, yet alone the best to seek out my revenge.
    The days on my calendar passed by slowly. I just wanted to date to come. I spoke to a friend about what I had finally accomplished, and he decided to email a letter for me
    to the police after the massacre had taken place. I needed to add more fear to the people
    who survived. “By now it is over,” I wrote, “if you are reading this my mission is complete. I have finished revolutionizing the neoeuphoric infliction of my internal terror. Your children who have ridiculed me, who have chosen not to accept me, who have treated me like I am not worth their time are dead. They are…. Dead. Surely, you will try to blame it on the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, or the way I choose to present
    myself - but no. Do not hide behind my choices. You need to face the fact that this comes as a result of your choices. Parents and teachers, you fucked up. You have taught these kids to be gears and sheep. To think and act like those who came before them, to not accept what is different. You are in the wrong. I may have taken their lives and my own - but it was your doing. Teachers, parents, let this be a massacre on your shoulders until the day you die. Am I insane? Maybe. It it my fault? No. I did not choose this life, but I have indeed chosen to exit it. You may think the horror ends with the bullet in my head - but you wouldn’t be so lucky. All that I can leave you to decipher what more extensive death is to come is “12SKIZTO.“ You have until April 26th. Goodbye.” I never told anyone, yet alone my friend the purpose of the word “12SKIZTO”. I will leave that for all of you to wonder. All this because of rejection I thought, but I could not change my mind now; Tomorrow was the day. I glared down the side of my shotgun. Nothing more beautiful then serial numbers. A232432, numbers that I could memorize for years and years. These would be the numbers of my revenge, my humiliation I had dealt with for so long.
    As I woke to see the sun rising, I knew it was my time to shine as well. This would be the glorious day, perhaps my last. However, people will finally know who I am and fear me. They will not dare reject me or what I tell them to do. I looked around at the scenery around me, accepting that this would more than likely be the last time I saw it if things did not go as planned. It was 11 o’clock. As I arrived at the entrance of the cafeteria, I knew that my friend V was parked at the exit. We had the cafeteria surrounded. As we prepared for our grand entrance, I saw a familiar face; The guy that always stood up for me. I warned him, as clearly as I could. Get as far away from here as you can. I walked into the
    cafeteria with a smile from ear to ear, carrying my duffel bags which concealed my 20-pound propane bombs time to explode at 11:17. I placed the bags on the floor beside two lunch tables and walked back to my car. “When the bomb exploded, any possible survivors I will shoot as they run out,” I thought.
    “FUCK!” I yelled, as the bombs did not detonate properly. I felt more rejected, yet alone more of a failure. If I wanted to seek revenge, I had to do it the right way; Face to face. I yelled to V, “GO GO!” We simultaneously pulled our shotguns out of our backpacks and rushed the cafeteria. One shot after another, as I watched the bullies of my life fall like dominos. It was great. It was always what I wanted to do deep down inside. Who would be the popular one now? Me of course. No more jocks names in the newspapers. It would be me and V’s face on the front page, and more than likely news stations as well. I was no longer the reject. The more I looked around, the more I realized that so many people had rejected me throughout my life. I felt as if there was too little ammo, for the amount of damage and pain I wanted to inflict upon the rest. Flashbacks of Sean and Daniel smashing me into my locker as I watched them plummet to the ground in their puddle of blood. Kids that once deceived me begging me for their lives, pleading for forgiveness. I was the center of attention.
    I made my way from the cafeteria to the library. I loved the feeling that I was actually in control. People were paying attention to me and only me. As I made my way to the library, I shot several more running in fear. I made eye contact, so they knew exactly who I was and why this was happening. Perhaps if they had it to do over again they would have called me. Suddenly people where searching for my number and trying to remember
    what my name was but indeed it was to late. Teachers ran out screaming my name, thinking that it was all some type of joke as I blew out the window right next to their head. They tried to flee but nobody was escaping me this time. Were they happy now? Was this the devastation that they all where hoping for? As I arrived in the Library, to my dismay everyone was already on the floor. "Everyone with a white cap or baseball cap, stand up!" and "All jocks stand up! We'll get the guys in white hats, Fine, I'll start shooting!" I yelled as loud as I could but no one listened. This frustrated me even more. The first person I saw I shot in the head, watching the blood splash against the girls face next to him. I saw Cassie, thinking that she was invisible hiding behind the computer desk. “Peek-a-boo” I said, as I shot her in the back of her neck. The gun slung back breaking my nose. Bernall was crying on the floor next to me. “Do you believe in God” I asked. Her explanation was of course. As I cocked the shotgun I asked her again. “Do you still believe in your God.” Yes she exclaimed. I shot her point blank. “How dare you reject my opinion. She was supposed to say NO,” I thought.
    This was not the way that I had it all planned out. They were supposed to be the rejects not me. As me and V looked each other in the eyes, I knew that he was thinking the same thing. They were supposed to beg for their lives. “Is there any way to deal with rejection other than death,” I asked myself. “Am I really that insane.” Screams and cries came from around the room but all I could hear was their laughter, the humiliation. I knew that there was no escape. Even if I was to escape to the foreign country as planned, I would still face humiliation and rejection. I must take my own life to end it all. I trembled
    as I looked around me with the barrel of my rifle aimed down my throat. This was the only way. *Gunshot*

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Anyone... Please Proofread Critique Accepted =)

    Advancement Of The Death Penalty In The United States
    When advancements in science comes to mind, one will typically think about advancements from old fashion pen pals vs. modern day email. For me however, the advancement of how the death penalty is administered to individuals particularly comes into mind. Some individuals as early as the 1600‘s, would see a typical hanging method of capital punishment or even death by a firing squad. As our country progressed over time, capital punishment has taken a new role and is now known as the death penalty. Although many people believe that the death penalty is a cruel and unusual punishment, it is now a method that is commonly practiced and seen more around the world then the methods of hanging or a firing squad. The further I complete my college degree in corrections, the more I believe that, the death penalty should be administered for particularly heinous crimes.
    Execution by a firing squad was the first known form of capital punishment, and was usually applied during war. In the 1600’s, one of the most unacceptable things that you could possibly do in the military was spy on your country. In Jamestown, December of 1607, Captain George Kendall was the first known person executed by a firing squad for doing just that. From that day forth, capital punishment was on the rise. Although Captain George Kendall was executed for spying on his country, “crimes such as stealing grapes and killing chickens were also punishable by death.” (Deadline) As time went on, more and more executions had taken place, but as of 1636 the first death penalty statutes were recorded, for offences
    such as adultery and witchcraft.
    Execution had progressed, with more and more continuous cases seen until the 1960’s. As of this point, executions had virtually ceased. Countries such as Europe had abolished capital punishment, and soon the US had begun to question its morality and legality. “The case was Furman vs. Georgia, was the case which decided whether the death penalty was or wasn’t constitutional. The US Supreme Court had ruled that the arbitrary application of the death penalty was indeed unconstitutional but a week later decided to reverse its decision. Thus, the death penalty is still in process today.” (Deadline) The death penalty was back up and rolling. After a 10 year moratorium, Gary Gilmore of Utah was convicted of murder, and then executed by a firing squad.
    As time progressed once again, more and more individuals of the society and as well as the government found their methods of execution not morally right. The question began to rise, is execution by a firing squad or hanging tolerable. Finally, a method of lethal injection had decided to been used. Once again, a criminal by the name of Charles Brooks was the first to be executed by this method of injection. Time has continued on, yet more individuals of the United States just did not seem to find the Death Penalty “justifiable”, and/or morally correct. From 1982 to the present day, over 1000 people have been executed by the death penalty and several other thousands are in line to join them. Although these individuals that the death penalty is being administered to are criminals and many have committed murder, most people do not deem it constitutional. Just recently, there was a controversy as to whether or not Stanly ‘Tookie’ Williams should have received the death penalty. The question I propose, is why not? Is it really justifiable to let someone get away with MURDER just because they had written books and done good deeds while in
    prison. Although questions like these do arise, people still claim that the death penalty is not MORALLY correct.
    So then what actually is morally correct? On the front page of a newspaper, there is a story of an 11-year-old girl raped by four men and then killed by stuffing her panties down her throat. Is that what they consider morally correct? Is it really even satisfying to describe these twisted murderers and human? Although these sick murders happen on a daily basis, many still believe that the death penalty is ultimately cruel, inhuman and a immoral punishment. Fortunately, the laws are the laws for a reason and in the United States, if you are willing to take the life of another, then why shouldn’t the highest form of chastisement be given. The death penalty is one of the biggest deterrents around the world. Why shouldn’t the victims of these families know that they are safe, and that these individuals will never attack another person again. “If we execute murderers and there is in fact no deterrent effect, we have killed a bunch of murderers. If we fail to execute murderers, and doing so would in fact have deterred other murders, we have allowed the killing of a bunch of innocent victims. I would much rather risk the former. This, to me, is not a tough call,” (John McAdams).
    Over the years 86, different countries have now abolished the law completely for all crimes. Many people claim that we should not have the death penalty because it violates our right to live. If indeed this is so, does our right to live consist of being able to take the lives of other individuals. “Many times, non-supporters of the death penalty sell common bumper stickers which states, we kill people to show that killing people is wrong.” (Carmical) Although a statement like this seems very true, it misses a very clear point. There is a difference between killing someone, and murdering someone. Killing is usually justified when its done in self defense, and simply means to cause death. According to Penal Code 187, Murder defined is the unlawful killing of a human being, or a fetus, with malice afterthought. “The words kill, murder, and execute are not interchangeable terms. Perhaps those bumper stickers should read, we execute people to show that murder is wrong.” (Carmical)
    As we have reached adulthood, we have been taught morals which are simply the principles of right and wrong. As we have been taught history, we have learned the term lex talionis, which simply states that humans deserved praise for good deeds, and punishments for bad ones commonly known as an eye for eye. “Many abolitionist of the death penalty state that if this is true, and we do execute murderers, then why shouldn’t we rape rapist.” (Carmical) The death penalty is administered to prevent criminals from committing their crime again, and protecting innocent victims. “If in fact we were to rape rapist, all this would do is cause someone else to degrade themselves by doing it. There would be no deterrent effect and would probably not prevent rapist from raping again.” (Carmical) Morally, it is wrong to incarcerate someone for murder. As I took tours of my local prisons, I saw with my own eyes to what many claim is a myth; The inmates in their air conditioned cell, which is cable equipped, three meals a day, personal recreation time, as well as visits with family. Indeed all prisons may not be this way, but regardless of its conditions, someone who murders another human being can only be made to pay for his actions by giving his own life. The loss of freedom does not and cannot compare to the loss of a life. (Carmical)
    In the United States, there are five different methods of execution being used. These range from lethal injections, electrocution, lethal gases, hanging, and firing squads. This is where most abolitionist do not agree. They believe that these methods are unjust and inhumane. In reality, these methods actually allow the murderer to get off easy when he is
    sentenced to his death. As of today, the most common used methods are lethal injection as well as the electric chair.
    If a person is lethally injected, he is first put to sleep with thiopental sodium, and then he is administered potassium chloride that will stop his heart. The criminal dies from anesthetic overdose and respiratory and cardiac arrest while he or she is unconscious. As for the electric chair, there is an initial jolt of 2,300 volts (9.5 amps) which lasts for eight seconds, followed by a low- voltage jolt of 1,000 volts (4 amps) for 22 seconds and finally a jolt of 2,300 volts (9.5 amps) for eight seconds. The murderer is rendered unconscious immediately, or within the first eight seconds at most, as the initial high- voltage jolt kills the brain. The subsequent jolts stop the heart in case it is still beating. (Carmical)
    When comparing this to the heinous crimes that the murderer had done, these methods are very just. Indeed if we were looking for cruel and unusual punishments, and a sense of retribution, then criminals would be executed in the way that they had murdered their victims such as the 1600‘s. “The small infliction of pain that is experience by the murderers on death row can not even begin to equal the amount of pain that the victims had received. In many cases, the victims experience pain for minutes, hour, days, and sometimes even months.” (Carmical) This proves that the death penalty does not try to see how much pain can be unleashed upon the criminal, but indeed it is trying to bring justice.
    Researching the abolitionist view of the death penalty, many of these highly known organizations against it state five ideas over and over again of why the death penalty should be abolished. These five reasons are as listed below:
    1. The death penalty is racist.
    2. The death penalty punishes the poor.
    3. The death penalty condemns the innocent to die.
    4. The death penalty is not a deterrent against violent crime.
    5. The death penalty is a cruel and unusual punishment.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Anyone... Please Proofread Critique Accepted =)

    Continuation of death penalty:

    To state that the death penalty should be abolished because it is not fairly imposed is stating that if indeed it were fairly imposed then it would be okay. This is in no way argumentative toward the death penalty because their statement is claiming that the justice
    system is unfair. This however is a completely different topic and has nothing to do with the death penalty. What they are arguing however may not be fair, and that is simply that white rich prisoners do not get what they deserve and black and poor prisoners however do. “As of June 6, 2001 however, the Justice Department researched to find that there is no bias in application of the death penalty.” (Carmical)
    As far as the death penalty condemning the innocent to die, a very dense statement indeed. Before any person is every executed in the United States, twelve members of the jury have to decide, that beyond a reasonable doubt the defendant is guilty. With our amount of technology today such as forensic science, it is merely impossible for an innocent person to be executed. Although there has been some cases in the past where innocent people have been given the death penalty, it is no where likely today.
    As of the fourth statement, the death penalty is not deterrent against violent crime, in fact it is. “The death penalty is 100% effective every time it is used, because the prisoner dies.” (Carmical) Therefore, the murderer will never be able to commit murder or any type of other crime once he is executed. Over time, there has been several studies in which prisoners who had escaped or released early actually murdered innocent victims again. Not only have these criminals murdered people outside of prisons, they have murdered other people as well as correctional officers inside. Without a question, capital punishment serves as a punishment toward them.
    For the fifth statement however, the death penalty is in no way a cruel or unusual punishment. The Fifth Amendment proved that no persons shall be held to answer for a capital crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, nor be deprived of life, without the due process of law. This clearly states that the death penalty is not a cruel and unusual punishment such as those prohibited by the Eighth Amendment. The law is the law.
    Perhaps a cruel and unusual punishment was brought upon Cary Ann Medlin, only 11 years raped then brutally murdered as her last words were Jesus loves you. That sounds a little more cruel and unusual to me. Many people like to refer to the bible for these touchy subjects such as the death penalty. They will bring up the 10 Commandments, especially the one thou shall not kill. However, the bible states Genesis 9;5, Whoever sheds the blood of a human, by a human shall that person’s blood be shed; for in his own image God made humankind, and Leviticus 24;19-23, Anyone who maims another shall suffer the same injury in return: fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; the injury inflicted is the injury to be suffered. One who kills an animal shall make restitution for it; but one who kills a human being shall be put to death. You shall have one law for the alien and for the citizen: for I am the LORD your God. Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel; and they took the blasphemer outside the camp, and stoned him to death. The people of Israel did as the LORD had commanded Moses. The abolitionist are clearly reading what they want to read. Only what benefits to their point.
    Throughout my research, I have come to see that the death penalty is the ultimate crime and indeed does deserve the ultimate punishment. There is no other means of punishment that should be justifiable for murder. The death penalty is clearly a punishment that is moral and just. “We must never forget that no one has to be executed; if no one murders, no one is executed. Murderers are not innocent people fighting for their lives; that statement describes their victims.” (Carmical)

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