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  1. #1
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    Default Please correct my essay!

    I am taking English class. My assignment due is the day after tomorrow, on July 10 morning. Please correct my paper.
    Title: Juvenile and Death Penalty
       James Lemont Bagsby who arrested of a murder and pleaded innocent to total eleven charges, should not be sentence a death penalty. There are three adamant reasons for my opinion. First of all, he may innocent; secondly he is disadvantaged by his environment, and for another thing is that he is a juvenile murder of 15-years-old, I disagree he is excused death penalty.
       First, Bagsby is arraigned in connection with shooting death of eleven years-old-boy, Anthony Ramirez on the playground. Witness says that Bagsby shoot, but no one knows whose shoot is a deadly shoot because there is not enough witness. Let us suppose that his fatal shoot kill Anthony. Even though Bagsby’s shoot has been concerned to the vital wound, this irresponsible conduct was indispensable to Bagsby. Ten-years-old lonely boy, Bagsby was picked up in the street by a gang member, and he had since lived as a gang for five years. It was worse than impossible that only ten-years-old boy, who were deserted from his family, came through without shelter, food, and curator. Taking care of Bagsby was favorable to gang because he became obedient minion, and Bagsby also must be establish to get his lodgings and meals, and especially, gang party in behalf of his family. After he was welcomed into the gang member, learned evil from them. Eventually he became an offender to get love and respect from his fellow. This boy is a victim of an evil of society. That is to say he is a prey of gang. He fellows some commends, otherwise he can’t live there. Investigator should continue to search proof of his innocence and find what happens in that time. Professor James S. Liebman of Columbia University School of Law, reports that high error rates exist across the country in USA. Over 90 percent of American death-sentencing states have overall error rates of 52 percent or higher from 1975 to 1995. We must avoid innocence death penalty.
    Second, children can’t choose their parents and an environment they grow up. This case has also put an attention on parenting. The process of raising and educating a child from birth until adulthood is not easy. This is usually done in child’s family by mother and father. Parenting is hard, but the work is well worth the trouble. Where parents are unable or unwilling to provide this care, it is usually taken on by close relatives and grandparents, adoptive parents, foster parents, godparents, or institutions. Bagsby’s family structure is worst for parenting. His mother is not qualified as a mother because she history of narcotics possession and prostitution. His father is constantly in and out of jail; effectively, it is a fatherless family. He also has a heartless grandmother who treats her grand children like a dog. I do not think these parents and grandmother take care of him right. Bogsby’s father and mother are unworthy of parents who have children. His grandmother is also same. Children normaly bless from curator with physical care; such as providing shelter, education, and medical care, social development and emotional support; such as love, play, physical touch, social skills, etiquette, ethics, value system, moral, and spiritual development. Bagsby has been lacking those things until 15 years-old completely. It is important for child to bond between with family, school, and peers.
    Third, his age is 15-years-old when the accident was happened. Teenager is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood. During this period of life, most children go through the physical stages of puberty which often begins between the ages of nine and thirteen. It is the most sensitive stage in the life. Bagsby was also a boy of a susceptible nature when he was found in the street. I regard people as becoming adults at various ages of the teenage years. Therefore, he is not able to judge what is right and wrong. In law, juvenile is not yet a legal adult. For example, in many countries a person under the age of 18 is a minor. I think it is possible reclaim a Bagsby from a life of vice. He is still flexible, and start over his life. It is a time for him to back to the drawing board.
    For three reasons, I do not believe that Bagsby should not be sentence to death penalty. He has right to live and duties to learn everything that he can’t learn until now.
    Work Cited
    Liebman, James. “A Broken System: Error Rates in Capital Cases 1973 -1955.”
    http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/arti...cid=19&did=256
    I tried to white the bonus credit.
    Extra Credit
       I pointed out the weakest premise that children can’t choose their environment they grow up. I believe children basically have not changed from the old days. Adult have changed widely rather than children. Some adult is very immaturity. Low mental aged adult have to take care of immature children irrelevantly. The children should become delinquent, and often become juveniles. All juveniles are victims who made by their parents.
    Home and parent are very important for children. Home is various residential place for children, and they spend much of their time, and feel comfortable. Also home is the place of refuge and safety, and children can return home anytime. Children often learn their behavior, emotions, and overall mental health from parents. Generally, mothers have a very important role in raising children; however, Bigsby’s mother is narcotic. His father has been in and out of jail. Bigsby’s grandmother is heartless to abandon him in the street. Gang members taught him only vicious things. I think Bigsby has endured through sad troubles until now. Most of people may think it is not able to reclaim him from a life of vice because he has spent time in wrong world. However, I believe Bigsby goes straight because he is still 15-years-old. He received terrible treatment from his family and society, but I think he still had care about his family even if they are hopeless.
    I press him to regret about his criminal act, and request him to change in a rehabilitation facilities because I hope him learn the importance of life from the case, and never see his second offense. “Strike while the iron is hot.” I think he is still hot. He In addition, I hope him to learn a lot of right things from staff of facilities.

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay!

    This is an assignment, which will, therefore, be graded. It would not be ethical for us to correct it as that way you would be receiving a grade for other people's corrections. We will help by looking at writing, but will not simply correct assignments so that people can improve their grades in ways that their teachers would be unaware of- assignments are meant to be the unaided work of the individual.

    As a couple of tips, check the verbs for active voice (arrested), where there should be the passive (was arrested). Also check the forms of the word shoot, which is often used inaccurately- shot is the past tense.

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