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  1. #1
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    Smile Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Please give me some feedback about my essay. Thank you very much!!!



    What are the three important subjects to you? Why?


    There are many courses offered by high schools. All of the courses are important to us, but I believe that English, biology, and geography are the most important subjects.

    First of all, studying English is necessary to everyone because we live in an English-speaking country. If we do not learn English, we will have trouble communicating with others. In addition, most textbooks, novels, and newspapers are written in English. How can we gain knowledge without taking an English course? Besides, as I looked at the “Employment” section in newspapers, most jobs require an applicant who can speak English fluently and can write very well. Therefore, English is essential to all careers.

    Biology is a significant subject as well, as it teaches us the functions of various parts of our bodies, and the ways to keep our bodies healthy. Did you know that drinking Coke and coffee at a young age will cause you to shrink when you are older? Did you know that people who sleep longer have a longer memory than people who sleep less? Did you know that heart attack and high blood pressure are caused by your high fat diet when you are a teenager? By taking biology, we know how to prevent our bodies from getting those painful diseases.

    Pollution is a serious problem nowadays, so we must study geography to learn how to protect our environment. According to my geography teacher, much of our groundwater is contaminated from the chemical fertilizers, pesticides, and herbicides seeped from the farmland. Moreover, as population increases, more wastes are produced. These wastes not only emit toxic chemicals into our atmosphere, but also take up a lot of spaces. My teacher told me that we should all reduce, reuse, and recycle things as much as we can, in order to alleviate this problem. For farmers, they should use natural fertilizers instead of chemical fertilizers to grow their crops.

    In conclusion, by taking English, biology, and geography at high school, I have gained so much valuable knowledge and skills. I will continue to take these subjects at university so that I can become a successful person for our country.

  2. #2
    Avalon is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    I loved it,janice_z. Congratulations...

  3. #3
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    Smile Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Thank you!
    But are there any grammar mistakes?

  4. #4
    Avalon is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by janice_z
    Please give me some feedback about my essay. Thank you very much!!!
    What are the three(most) important subjects to you? Why?
    There are many courses offered by high schools. All of the courses are important to us, but I believe that English, biology, and geography are the most important subjects.
    First of all, studying English is necessary to everyone because we live in an English-speaking country. If we do not learn English, we will have trouble communicating with others. In addition, most textbooks, novels, and newspapers are written in English. How can we gain knowledge without taking an English course? Besides, as I looked at the “Employment” section in newspapers, most jobs require an applicant who can speak English fluently and can write very well. Therefore, English is essential to all careers.
    Biology is a significant subject as well, as it teaches us the functions of various parts of our bodies, and the ways to keep our bodies healthy. Did you know that drinking Coke and coffee at a young age will cause you to shrink when you are older? Did you know that people who sleep longer have a longer memory than people who sleep less? Did you know that heart attack and high blood pressure are caused by your high fat diet when you are a teenager? By taking biology, we (learn)know how to prevent our bodies from getting ( I wouldn´t use ...those painful) diseases.
    Pollution is a serious problem nowadays, so we (ought to) must study geography to learn how to protect our environment. According to my geography teacher, much of our groundwater is contaminated from the chemical fertilizers, pesticides, and herbicides seeped from the farmland. Moreover, as population increases, more wastes are produced. These wastes not only emit toxic chemicals into our atmosphere, but also take up a lot of spaces. My teacher told me that we should all reduce, reuse, and recycle things as much as we can, in order to alleviate this problem.(As) For farmers, they should use natural fertilizers instead of chemical (ones)fertilizers(repetitive) to grow their crops.
    In conclusion, by taking English, biology, and geography at high school, I (can gain)have gained so much valuable knowledge and skills. I will continue to take these subjects at university so that I can become a successful person for our country.

    So,I think it´s ok regarding grammar. I would use different model verbs but that´s a choice...

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Thank you so much for your suggestions!
    Could you tell me why did you add "as" in front of "for farmers" ?
    Thank you.

  6. #6
    Avalon is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Well,I would either say..we sould do x. farmers should do y. we should do x and as for farmers( with regard to) they should do y. But it doesn´t really matter much

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Please give me some feedback about my essay.

    Ok. THANKS!!

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